Son has signed out

Do Posters visit these Threads to help or to hurt?

his outburst was a mistake well that's a more measured response User.

Unfortunately he's probably read your initial one where you said that his response to his son was an insane way to respond and that he definitely isn't mature enough to be a parent.

There is always a queue of anonymous people demanding she answers their questions!

You're absolutely right, there is! And always homing in on one specific poster with the same shrill demands for answers. Odd isn't it? Good job they're so easily identified and even easier to ignore.

Cutting out/going no contact with your parent(s) is very extreme and should only be applied when a parent has been abusive (neglect, emotional, physical or sexual).
I definitely had an emotionally abusive parent but found distancing from them worked well.
I saw them at wider family events and managed to have very little contact.

*one’s family I meant to say

JaneJudge

I'm surprised Smileless even posts on these threads anymore. There is always a queue of anonymous people demanding she answers their questions!

I would ask anyone who says it’s acceptable to abuse their family from time to time as long as the context is right, to explain their thought process. Not sure what’s so shocking about that.

No User I don't equate emotional maturity with perfection because there's no such thing as perfection and those who do seek to achieve it, usually do so at a cost to themselves and those around them because perfection is ultimately unachievable.

It seems striving for perfection and not verbally abusing your family is indistinguishable from perfection itself to some people. Very sad honestly.

Surely it goes without saying no one is perfect? You'd think so wouldn't you bakestrategic because if only 'perfect' people should become parents which has been suggested on this thread, the human race would die out wouldn't it.

Smileless2012

Taking cursing at someone in rage over a reasonable request in isolation can be seen as unacceptable bakestrategic but it's clear from NorthernRiverDad's posts that there's a background of hurt, anxiety and frustration. So no, in the context of what we know, because we should only base our responses on what we've been told, I don't agree that this is an example of emotional immaturity.

We see it time and time again don't we Allsorts.

I find your post @ 03.01 simply ridiculous User.

Hurt, anxiety, and frustration are no excuse to verbally abuse someone, especially one’s own adult children. It’s also not in isolation, the poster said it’s “not common.” Implying this wasn’t the first time and likely won’t be the last.
I’m very confused about the talk of perfect parents and perfect children. Surely it goes without saying no one is perfect? That doesn’t mean abusive behavior is acceptable, no matter the context. Not calling this behavior emotionally immature boggles my mind, but thank you for answering my question anyhow. I hope the poster takes what everyone has said on board and considers how his own behavior may have harmed his relationships with his children.

I must be a glutton for punishment JaneJudge

I would never read a help for support, from someone in obvious emotional pain, and then put them down and make them feel worse. Neither have I DiamondLily and I do wonder if the air is thinner for those on the moral high ground who look down on us less than perfect mere mortals.

Indeed.

Opinions differ, some people just want others to accept what they may believe, life doesn't always work that way, or even as wished.

You get to recognise names. You get to enjoy reading some posts. You also get to use your prerogative and skip some.

I'm surprised Smileless even posts on these threads anymore. There is always a queue of anonymous people demanding she answers their questions!

I don't recognise some of the names.
Adults get hurt. They are not machines.
Some of the comments are suspiciously like trolling.
Remember GNs you are not obliged to respond to every post.

User15839

Likewise Smileless with your post @ 8:44

So in other words, you believe it's not just emotionally mature, but also fully acceptable to be abusive if you're feeling hurt, anxious, and frustrated?

This is exactly what I meant when I intially said he isn't able to regulate his emotions in a healthy manner. Mature adults are able to deal with those negative emotions without hurting those around them. It's a very valuable life skill, and ideally one you should have before choosing to have any children.

Well, I’ve never had a ptoblem with my ACs or adult GCs.

Lucky me. 👍

I’ve got no skin in this particular estrangement scenario game.

We’ve had dust ups, but they’ve been sorted out swiftly, calmly and we’ve all then got on with it all 👍

Reading your post, first of all, I thought I’d finally found that elusive “perfect” human. That rare person that never, ever lashes out at anyone, in times of pain, anger, stress or upset. Never heard of anyone being that wholesome, but hey, ho. 👍

But, as much as I, as an imperfect adult, (along with most) have, do, and will lash out, sometimes unreasonably, in times of pain, stress, anger or upset.

However, I would never read a help for support, from someone in obvious emotional pain, and then put them down and make them feel worse. 🙄

I’ve never needed to punch down on someone to feel better about myself. 👍

So, perhaps you’re not as perfect as she think. 🤨

hmm no, I didn't say that being abusive is fully acceptable User or that it's emotionally mature per se; context is everything.

Taking cursing at someone in rage over a reasonable request in isolation can be seen as unacceptable bakestrategic but it's clear from NorthernRiverDad's posts that there's a background of hurt, anxiety and frustration. So no, in the context of what we know, because we should only base our responses on what we've been told, I don't agree that this is an example of emotional immaturity.

We see it time and time again don't we Allsorts.

I find your post @ 03.01 simply ridiculous User.

I think those who want to help the poster have a better chance at reconciling with his son would “stoop so low” as to point out how his behavior he has described is likely contributing to the estrangement. His own behavior is the only thing he has control of really.

Certain sick people try to make people that are struggling feel even worse with their judgements best to ignore because
what sort of person would stoop so low? . Imagine your son and daughter thinking and speaking in such a way. We do the get we can at the time, are no perfect parents or children as we are witness to.

I’ve just asked a question that won’t be answered it would seem. Cursing at someone in rage over a reasonable request I would think is blatantly unacceptable behavior.

Blimey there’s a few stirrers on this thread
Very unpleasant

Of course you doubt it was an isolated incident User; you always do.

I didn't say it was nor did I agree that it is. Will you answer my question now?

Please explain how doing so is akin to being an animal abuser or any kind of abuser.