Son has signed out

Thats true, too.
Its all very complex, the art of mixing with other people.

If someone were yelling and swearing at me because they didn’t get their way, I would indeed move on. For me that means moving on and away from the relationship. It’s not a sign of maturity to accept verbal abuse simply because the other party wants you to. Furthermore if one of two parties is shouting and swearing at the other—and the other declines to further engage—maturity is being displayed by whomever disengages. Life is too short to subject yourself to unacceptable behaviour repeatedly. No adult is obligated to accept any uncivil treatment from another adult, no matter who they are.

Youre being utterly ridiculous, obviously have some sort of grudge to bear.

Maybe your own relationship with your parents is broken, but either way, perhaps don't assume you can take it out on peopke who have nothing to do with your life and how you see fit to run it.

Perfectly, you seem to think, but I've my doubts.

It happens.

There are cultural variations, and differences in regional word choices.

I'd rather be sworn at than have a parent go on, and on, and on, and on......
Perhaps letting things go is more mature?

Swearing doesnt mean loss if control, necessarily.

I think at a certain point in life, if you don’t have the self-control to not explode at another adult simply because you don’t get your way, one should seek anger management help. Adults throwing tantrums should in no way be normalized or played down. It’s damaging, hence the relationship breakdown. I’d view it the same way whether the person on the receiving end were 3 yrs old, 43, son, spouse, or friend. The damage may manifest differently depending on the relation, but damage is inevitable in one way or another.

The only answer is to work on one’s self so that out of control anger doesn’t isolate any more loved ones. I am blessed to not be exposed to anyone with explosive outbursts of anger, but I cannot imagine I’d desire closeness with anyone after being on the receiving end unless that person was willing to cease the behaviour and work on themselves.

I'm afrad i can't fathom killing someone with swearing.
Its almost a term of endearment around these parts.

I've no idea.
Most families have conflict at some point, and it usually results in arguments, swearing, makes squaring up to each othet in some cases.

Telling a 3 year old to eff off seems rather more disturbing than saying it to a 43 year old, to me.

I didn’t think it was debatable that being yelled and cursed at wasn’t reason enough to distance from someone. Is it forgivable? Maybe, but that’s for the person being yelled and cursed at to decide—no one else. Respectful communication does not require anyone to be perfect. It just requires a bit of consideration and maturity.

NorthernRiverDad, if you are still reading: let go of your upset toward your son. No doubt, it hurts to feel rejection from one’s child. I also can’t help but to feel empathetic toward what your son and daughter must be feeling to need the distance between you. However, your anger at his response to your inappropriate behaviour won’t bring you closer to him. Anger has already done enough damage to your relationship. It’s self-defeating. Give more time and more space. Show your son what you could not during your last encounter, which is that you respect that he is an adult with full autonomy. Respect his decision. It’s possible he may eventually want a limited relationship, which is better than none.

How old is this "child"?

If you’re referring to NorthernRiverDad, no he did not admit to sometimes “verbally abusing” his children. He admitted to losing his temper with his adult son. It happens.

Do you prefer people to acknowledge fault or not?

User, I think intransigence and inflexibility can be more harmful in family relationships than an outburst of anger or frustration.

I think most people can understand that “to err is human”, but coming up against that brick wall of someone (a parent, an EAC?) who believes themselves to be always right can feel like tyranny.

NortherRiverDad checked out days ago; he no longer cares what you, or anyone else thinks of his parenting skills. He most certainly couldn't care less that a random poster on an anonymous chat site has turned themselves inside out for days, beating their breast with angst at the very thought of his Anglo-Saxon language! You're pretty much arguing with yourself at this point User15839. Maybe if he comes back and admits that he beats his children like a gong, you'll get more traction but, in the meantime, maybe channel your inner Elsa.....🎵🎵🎵

Absolutely Smileless, and another attribute is being kind and understanding of others.

Is it User? There's nothing amazing about being a non abusive parent, they are after all in the majority.

It must be amazing to be perfect.

NOTHING about estrangement, from whichever direction you're looking at it, is a simple objective reality There are millions of scenarios, personalities, situations, opinions, versions of events, perspectives and emotions involved in every single estrangement. Thinking that there's one simple objective is, perhaps, where you're going wrong; it's more nuanced than that. And Smileless2012 appears to have the emotional maturity to acknowledge that.

Recently we discussed here the use of "vulgar language" and it is interesting to see the differences of opinion when it is an estranged parent admitting to it rather than it coming from an estranged child.

There is a difference in how language is used.

If it is used to express feelings to third party others I do not see an issue with it.

If it is used to shout and swear at somebody yes I would class that as abusive.

I think I could say the same of expressing dislike of a child.

If it were expressed to third party others it is one thing

If it were expressed to the child it could be classed as abusive.

Much better to not shout and swear at people and express that you don't like a behaviour, not a person you wish to have a good relationship with.

IMO, Smileless 2012 certainly answers and ignores well.

She certainly does Norah but then she's seen the same bridge dweller coming round and round for years now and she always cuts them down to size.

Cardamom

^There is always a queue of anonymous people demanding she answers their questions!^

You're absolutely right, there is! And always homing in on one specific poster with the same shrill demands for answers. Odd isn't it? Good job they're so easily identified and even easier to ignore.

Estrangement is an oddly emotive subject.

Seemingly many opinions, demands for answers is quite odd.

IMO, Smileless 2012 certainly answers and ignores well.

Ah, thank you, smileless.
Keep on keeping on.
You're a tower of strength to people who are estranged, or in danger of becoming so.

Some respond to offer help and support, and some to hurt and I think the fact that NorthernRiverDad hasn't as yet returned (I hope he does) demonstrates how harmful hurtful and judgemental responses can be Maremia.

Yes, I'm still being harangued MissA; some things never change do they and I'll never stop challenging the hurtful and judgemental posts that unfortunately this estrangement forum continues to attract.

It's great to see you back .

Still being harangued, smileless?
How many years now is it that "people" zoom straight in to shred your replies, specifically?