Son has signed out

Maremia

bakestrategic, there are many Posters who actively or inactively join this Thread.
Who they chose to respond to is not yours to command or demand.

I was specifically referring to MissAdventure engaging with me in bad faith. Which is her right. No commands or demands have been made by me.

I think the unavoidable answer to a lot of what is being discussed is that, we choose our behaviour but we do not get to choose if it will be tolerated.

A lot of very good advice about how certain behaviours can be received is still good advice.

It depends on the person reading. Would they change what many would class as intolerable behaviour to save a relationship?

I don't think it can be defended, it's a simple choice to make. As adults we should all have the self control we would want our children to have when it comes to shouting and swearing at someone.

I wonder if, just occasionally, the people constantly arguing could think about all the others who ‘lurk’ on the forum looking for help and support, who are put off or are too scared to join in because of the way every single estrangement thread ends up…. Lovely for you, if that’s what floats your boat, but what about everyone else??

So bakestrategic you ask a question requiring a yes or no answer and in response the first word you see is 'no' and you say the answer wasn't clear!!!

Oh dear User, if you insist on dragging my personal estrangement history into a discussion that isn't about me you wouldn't look so foolish if it was accurate.

There were no stringent conditions regarding our ES's house. A mutually agreed and accepted legal contract was drawn up between all concerned, including my brother because this was an investment and was never a gift.

Everything is well documented here on GN, so it's a waste of time fabricating my history trying to make me look bad. When you do, it simply backfires.

Seeing how vivid your imagination appears to be, I'm sure you wouldn't have any problem accepting the role of coercive control in our case. Not that imagination is ever required when what you've been told is fact.

^Please quit^; thank you Norah but I'm not holding my breath and if after many years of experiencing unpleasant and personal 'attacks' here on GN anyone thinks I will find them anything more than tiresome, they're very much mistaken.

As you've said Delila User has given her own unique interpretation regarding NRD's apologies as she does with any poster whose a parent fearing, facing or living with estrangement.

bakestrategic, there are many Posters who actively or inactively join this Thread.
Who they chose to respond to is not yours to command or demand.

I appreciate that. I was genuinely trying to understand other people’s points of views. The inability (or perhaps refusal) to engage with the topic was bewildering. I should’ve known at the feigned inability to reread a previous comment.

Ah, i thought it was a discussion, not an argument.
Its ok, i shall take my unserious self off to other threads.
You argue amongst yourselves.

Strange, thats exactly how i feel about your "unserious" jab.

I think while you're picking on me, at least you're leaving others alone, so you carry on.

Unserious.
Is that even a word??

BlessedArt

I’m pretty sure it was more helpful for him to see why his actions lead to the distance than the advice from others that downplays it as something that just “happens”. His son obviously didn’t view it as something to be flippant about, and NRD clearly wants to be on better terms with his son. Not hard to see that reinforcing the idea that “it happens” won’t help him improve his relationship with his son.

And is it helpful for him to see a little gang, who have appeared for years, to denigrate one poster by speaking about her estrangement?
I highly doubt that.
Its actually most unpleasant.

User every time you write some thing you show how judgemental you are, that can't just be on here. if there were a check list of how talk to others and discuss, how many ticks would you give yourself or more to the point would others would give you.

I’m pretty sure it was more helpful for him to see why his actions lead to the distance than the advice from others that downplays it as something that just “happens”. His son obviously didn’t view it as something to be flippant about, and NRD clearly wants to be on better terms with his son. Not hard to see that reinforcing the idea that “it happens” won’t help him improve his relationship with his son.

Yes, they were.
None of which has probably helped the original poster, who I'm sure is long gone, so it seems rsther pointless re-hashing all this over and over.

“Who’s downplaying it, though?” Was your question. Many answers were given.

Frankly, I've forgotten ny question

Ok, has your question which I quoted been answered?

I'm not implying anything.

MissAdventure

Who's downplaying it, though?

Has this been answered for you? Also I’m not estranged from my parents if that’s what you’re implying

Oops! I didn't mean you're minimising it - i meant cutting out your own parent and then going out of your way to jump on other people who are parents seems as if the estangement hasn't been positive at all for you.
Unresolved issues, it seems.

Especially when you zone straight in on one particular person.

MissAdventure

I didn't dismiss it.
I said its a lost opportunity to see if lessons were learned, if you cut someone out.

I think situations where abusive behaviour is exhibited, there is zero obligation on the part of the target of the abusive behaviour to see if “lessons were learned”. I don’t even think the goal is to teach when you want to get away from someone who is being so disrespectful, as evidenced by the lack of contact. I think the goal is to remove one’s self as the target of said behaviour.

Though, that doesn’t mean NRD should not work on his anger. His son may one day desire limited contact based on the fact that his dad’s anger is under control, but I highly doubt the son would do so because he “taught” dad a lesson. I like to lean into the mindset that most people simply want to have positive relationships with their parents. In my mind that may be incentive enough should NRD improve the way he interacts while under stress. Trying to be hopeful here, despite obviously not hearing the son’s thoughts. These situations are very sad.

Do you have response about the minimization? Changing the topic doesn’t make you correct

So is immediately jumping on any parents who post about arguments, family issues, sons, daughters.

But, here you are (still)

I can’t tell if you’re missing the point intentionally or not. Of course it happens. Responding “it happens” instead of something like “that’s wrong” is minimizing it.

It does heppen, though.
Regardless of right or wrong, families fall out.
Neighbours fall out.
Drivers fall out.
Couples fall out.
Siblings fall out.