Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

I may be being a bit dense but what does MJ67 posts mean 🤷. I didn't click on the link . Why are they here?

Morning everyone.

I remember the first time it had got to the evening of our ES's birthday Sparkly before I actually gave the fact it was his birthday any thought. I felt guilty but there's nothing to feel guilty or bad about.

We are gradually healing; gradually coming to terms with the way things are and gradually accepting that they are no longer a part of our lives so it stand to reason I think, that their birthdays will begin to be less significant than they used to be.

I found your post incredibly moving Babs, as you sat there while they were attending too Mr. B. no doubt finding the silence from your ED deafening .

Our lives can change in the briefest of moments. We can lose something or someone we never thought it would be possible to lose which is why as you say, we need to hold close to us those we have and love.

I will continue to keep you and Mr. B. in my prayers xx

I suspect from the wording that MJ's post maybe a link to a petition Whiff. If so and regardless of how well intentioned, there's nothing anyone can do if an AC decides to estrange themselves and their GC .

Morning all

I've thought the same Babs. Bad things happen of their own accord in life, so to make bad things happen to those that love you and that you should be loving back, just doesn't make any sense!

Love to you and Mr.B and fingers & toes crossed he will be back home with you every shortly. God Bless xxx

I found your post moving too Smiles

I had a lady from the falls unit come and see me yesterday. It had been arranged through my neurologist. She was here 2 hours coming again next week because of me talking so much and explaining about HPX and she had a look around and was impressed how I had my bungalow adapted . But it's all down to Mr W because he adapted our house and over the years knowing how I have to have things. So the issue with my front step will be sorted out next week. I think a ramp would be better with a handrail is what I need. I can still use my step but sometimes my foot slips off but I always hold on to the handle attached to the bungalow.

She asked about children so told her about my daughter and estrangement with my son. Talking about my grandsons and I forgot when my second grandson with my son birthday was which is ridiculous as it's the same day as my son's . But it did upset to think I could forget . Since the estrangement and everything coming back in August 2020 . I always wish them, happy birthday to all 5 of them happy Easter and Christmas out loud.

Babs post was moving and I can still clearly remember when they told us Mr W diagnosis and how long he had to live . Then having to tell the children their dad wouldn't live 5 years. And he telling them he didn't want anyone else to know . They where 17 &13 which looking back may seem unfair but it's what he wanted and they were being brought up with a disabled mom so they knew how to keep secrets as only the 3 of them knew how bad I was at times. But the main burden was on my husband.

That's what I will never understand my son had gone through 32 years of terrible things happening not just to me ,but his dad and deaths of both sets of grandparents even though he was only 9 months old when my father in law died. He knew there was a problem with my heart before the estrangement and I was waiting for further tests. So why did he choose 4 days after my birthday to do it . Why not years before if I was such an awful mom why wait until he was 32 and I had seen my grandsons every week for 7 months before covid hit.

I don't know what is crueler getting to know and love your grandchildren or never being allowed to know them . I have it both ways as I knew the oldest 2 but not the third .
No idea why this is in my mind today 🤔 🤷

Have 2 friends coming for lunch which I have been looking forward to.

Take care everyone.

As time goes by with estrangement, birthdays, Christmas and other important days without your EC just become normal. You enjoy them with the people who care for you and don't really think about the ones who don't. I've just celebrated my 80th birthday and it was wonderful, spent with DH, our daughter and family. I must admit I didn't think of my son for the day. Life goes on after estrangement and it can be a happy, fulfilling one.

Some good thoughtful posts here. A couple of years ago I thought I’d never get over the heartbreak - but I have, and as others have said, barely notice their birthday now. And more significantly, don’t feel bad about it. The only thing I feel disappointed about is that lovely family things have happened - weddings, new babies - that our EC (I presume) knows nothing about.
Babs it sounds as if your husband is getting good care, and I hope you are feeling well supported too. Sending love 💐

Babs, Glad your husband has improved. It is hard I know, so tiring as well, it’s hard not to neglect yourself. It is true we must concentrate on the good and the people in our lives.
I don't think often of my d as she became as I do not recognise her. When I get a bit down I think how she was but snap myself out of it. It has gone, like my waist line.
I watched the funeral yesterday of Pope Francis, the music was fantastic and that picture ofTrump and Zelensky together in the Basilica was like a miracle.
Glad your lunch sent well Whiff, they always enjoy your baking.
The falls unit might think of other ways to make your life easier although it sounds you have most covered, the bungalow was one if the best things you did. Workmen where you live are easier to find than a lot of areas.
Beware of people private messaging you pretending they know your details, its all a scam, but report anyway, plus block.

Morning everyone, especially Whiff, Smileless and Babs03.

Whiff glad your DGSs enjoyed your cake and biscuits. And that moment when they are all at school, starting school…..

Garden now has a raised fruit flowerbed, a tiny hedge. I was exhausted but Oscar is younger and worked solid, digging, carrying, turning over, planting for nearly 4 hours. Photo of the raised bed;

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SparklyGrandma all my grandsons are close in age . My son's eldest will be 9 this year his second 7 and youngest 5. My daughter's eldest is 7 and his brother will be 5. So the youngest 2 will start school in September. My mom got to see and hold her first great grandson before she died.

These are pictures of my gardens my hands tremble so pictures may be but wobbly.

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Rest of the back

Your garden is gorgeous Whiff… as are your photos - and that lawn is 10/10. May I ask what you feed it and how often, please? Your DGS’s are at a lovely age.

Having a hobby can help us living with Estrangement as distraction in busyness is a way to ease any discomfort. Or to take our minds off it as well as focussing on what you are doing.

NB Hopefully a positive distraction and not expensive.

Morning Campers!

Morning everyone, I hope you're all able to enjoy this lovely weather.

During those hectic and exhausting 3 months last year, when we were packing, selling and giving away 90% of everything we owned collected over 44 years of marriage, it was the thought of being here that kept us going.

We missed so much of last year's good summer weather because we were so busy, and now all we have to do is enjoy it .

It's incomprehensible Yogin, that someone would inflict so much pain and suffering on those who loved and raised them and did them no harm when life can be so cruel .

Your garden looks really lovely Whiff and I agree with Sparkly; 10/10 for your lawn . We only know what it's like to have never known our only GC, and I've always said that we were lucky not to have had them taken away from us when we'd got to know them and had that wonderful GP/GC relationship.

To never experience that when we could have, should have is hard especially when we see GP's with their GC.

Belated 'Happy Birthday' Marg for your 80th . It was lovely that you were able to celebrate with your DH, DD and family.

It's not just our EAC that miss out on family get together's and celebrations Spring, their children do too. GGP's, GP's, aunts, uncles and cousins that they'll never know.

Your raised fruit flower bed looks great Sparkly and tiny hedges are always a nice feature. Well done Oscar for all your hard work.

Gardening can be so expensive can't it. I told Mr. S. last week that ours is beautiful and we don't need anymore pots but then when we were out yesterday I saw another half price bargain which we just had to have .

Didn't have to buy anything to go in it because we already had a grass that could have done with a bigger pot, so bought a couple of small flowering plants to go in the one the grass was in.

You can tell I'm another Percy Thrower can't you because I don't know what those 'small flowering plants' are called . Thank goodness for Mr. S.

Yes Allsorts, the AC we love have gone and not just because they've estranged us but because they're not the people they were, or who we thought they were.

I still sometimes wonder how I missed it, how I could have been so blind because the relationship we had for 27 years seems like a dream now, something that was never really what I thought it was. How could it have been

How could it have been ... sums it up both ways Smileless,
How could it have been falling apart and I missed it?
How could it have been so good , with a little communication

My lawn looks lovely because it's artificial. It was artificial when I moved here I did say to my daughter how do they keep it looking so good her reply was" oh mom its fake "🤦. As as I suspected they have just laid it on the earth as weeds where popping through. When I had the garden flatten I had a new artificial lawn and because I fall it has an inch thick padding under it with drainage holes it's waterproof and rot proof. But it has proper foundation with weed proof membrane under the padding . And it's carpet fitters who fit it. They put batons round the edge and attach the lawn to it. My daughter has a fake lawn as well . But where I had the cheapest slabs they have beautiful ones. With 2 active boys they can play on it all year round . Plus my daughter works and my son in law has to work away at times. Toronto and New York next month .

At my old house had 2 real lawns and I was falling on them all the time as they where uneven plus after my husband died and the children left home had to have a gardener.

I have a gardener who comes every 2 weeks beginning of last year decided my balance wasn't good enough to reach the weeds. But he's knowledgeable about plants and gets on his hands and knees a proper gardener. I can cut things down and look after my pots and planters . And grow my veg inside my green house out of it . Should have put my plug plants into pots yesterday but to tired . So sorted out some cupboards and found the present I had brought for my friend for July and forgot I had brought it 🤦. Still can't find my toilet bag must have put it out for charity.

Thank you Smileless!

Your garden looks lovely Whiff. Wish mine were the size of yours. However I do love mine, just takes a lot of work.
All that work last year Smiless, now you are reaping the rewards.
Thoughts with you and your dh Babs.
Glad you are in a better place now Sparkly,

Oops I needed the loo and forgot to come back .
.Happy belated birthday Marg 🎂🎁🥂.

Smiles lovely post. Your move has improved your life so much . Moving the first time was to get away from your son . But this move was because you wanted to move forward not escape and that makes a big difference. Me moving here was my choice and I couldn't have made a better choice . Just yesterday I was fetching my green bin in as you know I walk with a stick and a man walking by with his dog asked me if I needed help . I thanked him but said I would be ok . At my old house I had to phone every week for 6 weeks even though I had applied and was accepted to have my bin collected from where it stood and put back instead of putting it at the bottom of my driveway. For 6 weeks I had to phone to say it hadn't been emptied. Some weeks they came back but not always .

Your move has changed your and Mr S lives and your dogs . You have made new friends ,have a new church and now playing golf and Mr S still playing bowls. Plus having a garden and seeing various birds and animals .

Yes my son estranged me after my move here, but did have him and his oldest 2 come every week for 7 months . And the estrangement hasn't destroyed those happy times. That's the only negative from my move . Ironically both couples had wanted me to live closer for years .

Everything else about my move has been positive. Better healthcare and finding the 2 things I was born with. The Brain Charity who helped me get PIP and joined some of their classes . Even made a video for them which I would never have done without moving here. Made friends there. Sadly since my stay in hospital can't do the 4 hour round trip just for 2 hour class but have been to all day things .

Love my new craft group and my 2 exercise classes. Neighbours that care about . I love my bungalow it's home . After my husband died my home became just a house and I existed . But moving gave me a life and home . Which I live to the full.

Had the most ridiculous fall yesterday morning. I was standing with my back to the bed base board putting on my dressing gown next thing I knew I was flat on my back on the bed . One leg on the high bit and other on the low bit. Took some rocking and grabbing my pj bottoms to beable to move and I was dieing for a wee. Wasn't hurt just lost my balance . I have fallen on the bed many times either backwards or face planted but always from the side .

I had a kind loving son for 32 years. He is now a stranger will be 5 years tomorrow since I last saw him and spoke to him . Little did I know what he was going to do 4 days later. He and my daughter in law knew what they were going to do . I never saw it coming . But my darling son in law said he knew things hadn't been right for years but wouldn't say anything to hurt me . That's the big difference between the the couples my daughter and son in law wouldn't hurt me like that as my daughter said you are stuck with us for life.

Growing up with a large extended family I know how important my grandparents that's my mom's side as my dad's father died few months after I was born and never liked my step grandmother . But knew my dad's siblings and their children. Great aunts and uncles 2nd and 3rd cousins . My daughter's boys have 3 grandparents,aunt and uncle and 2 cousins ,great aunt and uncle my brother and sister in and second cousins my brother's children . They don't know they have another aunt and uncle and 3 other cousins. But it's my son's who are missing out they have 2 not 1 nannie who loves them plus a aunt and uncle and 2 cousins who live 40 mins away in a car. Only know nan who lives with them and aunt and uncle who live other side of the world. An a granddad . My daughter estranged herself from her dad long before they estranged me .

My mom was the keeper of the family history and past it on to me my brother only classes family as close family . He doesn't bother with aunt and uncle or cousins.

My grandsons especially the oldest asks questions about my parents and his granddad and his parents. Plus he knows about my nan and grandad .

Had friends come for lunch on Saturday. A and a terrible cough and had it for a week so S her daughter said she was getting an appointment for the GP who instead of seeing them made an appointment at the respiratory clinic. They went yesterday afternoon and A was put on the A&E trolley ward on oxygen and was waiting for tests. She stayed overnight. But like I found it was just being on a normal ward just on a trolley. Like me she ended up by the doors at the far end as she was stable and new patients arrived. S said I was right and get mom A was being well looked after. Find out later today test results and whether see needs to spend few days in hospital or not . They are the only friends I have kept from my old craft group.

Well better get up move it or lose it class this morning.

Take care all so about any typos but what my brain things and what I write can be 2 different things even though I do preview before posting 🤦🤣

Sorry to read about your fall Whiff at least it was onto the bed, so soft landing. Lovely pics of your and Sparkly garden. Like you Smiles I can't resist buying a lovely plant when I see one, it then needs digging in, which can be hard work if you've bought a few.

Saw one of my students yesterday, that I hadn't seen for at least 6mnths. She said she had fallen down the stairs, had about 17stitches in her head and hurt her leg. She moved and downsized about the same time as me, but she got an upstairs flat, now realises it was not a good idea. She was really fit and active, but the fall has badly knocked her confidence. Urged her to come back to my yoga class, which will improve her balance again.

Happy Birthday Marg hope you had a lovely day x

Thank you, thank you!!

Marge, I have spent two special birthdays on my own. I see friends for meals just before or after. See my son around the date according to his work. I have gone back in the pecking order and do not miss my daughter as she is.
Sorry you fell Whiff, good job it was on to the bed.
Shame about your student Yoga, not a good move all those stairs, could she get a chair lift, cheaper than another move. I have been looking in earnest, but not found one without a problem, but it has to be right.

Is so good to hear about your moves Whiff and Smileless. Really glad you are both settled and so happy. Emphasizes how sometimes we have to make our happiness, especially when we’ve been through dark or difficult times. That takes courage and strength but is so so worth it….as you’ve both shown! Sorry to hear about your fall Whiff but can’t think of a better place to land!! Am in awe of all you gardeners. Haven’t yet discovered the joy of gardening. Just seems like another job to do!

Have you moved Spring?Everyone that does it seems to say it improved their lives. I just cant find what I want, I may have to sell and rent, not ideal but I would be a cash buyer,
Happy Birthday Whiff, a very special lady on here. Enjoy your day. Do hope your friend makes a swift recovery,.

Spring that's what I think when it's time to start mowing the lawn another job to do but an enjoyable one. Gardening is lovely, I'm starting to reap the fruits of all my hard work when I first moved in, planting new plants every week, they are now establishing and looking good, lots in bloom. No plants at all when I moved in, made we realise how lucky I was in my previous houses with the lovely established gardens.

Thank you Allsorts . My daughter and grandson taking me out for lunch .

Update on Mr B unfortunately the blood thinners have caused another bleed. A multidisciplinary team are meeting today to discuss how to move forward. And hopefully form a plan of action that can help Mr B recover.

Thankfully the family will beable to help Babs over the bank holiday weekend .
But as you can imagine Babs is worried to death and wearing herself out . But that's what we do for those who are our other halves .