Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

If I were young and single I would be doing what your granddaughter is DL.
Whiff I still haven't bought my cards yet for Christmas, haven't bought any of my family presents because despite asking for ideas as they are now in their twenties, they don’t know and as I don't see them as i did when younger I've no ideas, my son said he doesn't want anything he still has things from last year not used, its the opposite of how it used to be. I am a massive present buyer and loved birthdays and Christmas.My friends and I meet up for a meal and enjoy each others company as when we asked each other for ideas we all said the same, nothing really, just to see you. Sometimes if we are out and comment on something we like we get it for each other. So I am at a loss, don't want to get vouchers as don't think you can depend on the stores still doing business, cash is so impersonal. Its become a big worry to me and now I dread it. I feel completely out of touch. I suppose that's why some people have drawers they use for regifting. Sound a right Scrooge but honestly not just clueless.
Going to get going now a busy day, storm promised here so batch cooking for my freezer.
Enjoy your day everyone.

So good to have your rambles back Whiff, the place hasn’t been the same without them. I hear what you say about moving. We are really looking forward to making that move. The sooner the better. Can see that for you and Smiles has been a really positive thing. That keeps me keeping on.
@Spribg20 so sad but am glad the whole thing passed off calmly, now the process of a different kind of bereavement will begin.
Your friend is lucky to have a good friend like you to help her through it.
Am afraid family troubles have descended enmass, plenty of bad news to deal with but the worst of it is that one of our daughters just miscarried, we didn’t even know she was pregnant she was going to announce it at Xmas. They already have a gorgeous little boy 2 and a half years old, but won’t tell them to count their blessings.
She is going for a D&C next week. Are giving them this weekend then will go up next week to help with our grandson.
We also have old friends arriving later today, going back Monday. Will be good to have a distraction right now and the husband of my dear friend who passed away recently will put my own troubles into perspective. He is travelling with another good friend from my home town. Have made a big pan of homemade soup, and crusty bread to warm in the oven just before they get here. Not great weather for them but am imagining is worse where they are coming from.
Take care all
🙏🏾🙏🏾🌺

@Allsorts you can get High street vouchers that can be used in a number of shops, I have bought these on occasion, just go online and see what’s available. Or vouchers for a high street restaurant.
I have done nothing and will probs be well and truly on the back foot. But will do my best to make it happen. Tbh trimming the house for Xmas always cheers me up.
🌺🌷

Well thank goodness for that Whiff; I thought I was going deaf . Reading your posts is a great way to start the day, especially one when the weather is so awful.

No snow here, but torrential rain. Not sure how we've managed to avoid it because there's snow all around us.

Our days of buying loads of presents are long gone Allsorts, apart from a few friends it's just one another now and the dogs of course. DS gets money paid into his account. It's expensive just to send a card to Aus. so a package is out of the question.

Hmmm homemade soup Babs, wouldn't mind popping round for that myself. I'm so sorry to hear of your D's miscarriage .

We thought our move to the house we've just sold was the best thing we could have done, but this move is even better, so don't give up, you'll get there in the end. Your new home is out there, you just haven't found it yet and when you do, it'll be better than the one you lost out on.

We'll be staying in today, just venturing out this evening for a meal.

Stay safe and warm where ever you are and take care everyone.

Smiles before we were estranged, we [I think I can say for us all on here] I knew nothing about estrangement, I barely knew what the word meant! So, I really wish I had been on this thread and read all about it, others stories etc. Then we/I would have had a better understanding of what to do and not do.

My estranged D birthday today, 35yrs, surely her adult brain is there now. I sent her a 'Happy Birthday' message, nothing else [apart from a footnote of ^I miss the J I loved^]

Spring that is so sad, but sounds like it was the best thing to do for your friend to watch the video link to the funeral, so awful for her, Good you were with her for support, well done. It does send a chill done the spine, of us all on here, I'm sure.

Whiff good to read your long posts. It was 16* when I woke, but soon heats up. I've started to go to bed early too. Went to bed at 9pm last night, so tired after my D&GD left, I cook 2 dinners on a Friday, one to be on the table the minute the girls walk in after school, they are so hungry, if it wasn't ready they would want to start eating cake & sweets . Straight after I cook a big meal for us adults. Then all the clearing away after makes it a tiring, but lovely evening.

So, lights out at 9.20pm I thought I would be waking up at about 5am, but no, sleep soundly all night [aside from a wee break] and woke, to my great surprise, at 7.20!

Booked for the Panto last night, New Years Eve matinee and then back to mine for a take-away and processco

Babs so sorry to hear about your DD, difficult to know what to say, but giving them a little breathing time and going up to look after their son is a good way to go.

It looks awful outside, I will put my brave girl pants on, plus my warm boots & coat and take Joey out for walkies after this.

I've already ordered on line, quite a few Xmas gifts which are arriving today, but the big ones yet to get. My DD lets me know what the girls want and she wants perfume, so no problems there.

Feeling v flat today after yesterday. Was there for my friend but as Yogi said is triggering for our own situation - and knowing we have no means of changing anything is so hard sometimes.
Really sorry to hear of your D’s miscarriage Babs. More sad news but you will be there as a family to comfort her I’m sure.
Yogi your New Year’s Eve sounds lovely!!
We have a trip to see Christmas lights in a couple of weeks - will be a happy distraction.
So good to hear the lodge is all you hoped for Smiles. The views must have been amazing with the snow…
Good luck to all hoping to move in the new year.

Babs03 - sorry to hear about your daughter’s miscarriage. Always a sad event. 💐

Spring - nice that the funeral bought some sort of closure for your friend. She can now mourn her daughter, without the added stress of estrangement. But, understandably, a bit triggering for you. 💐

Hope everyone else is having a nice day. It’s howling wind and rain down here in London - although they forecast spring like weather next week. 🤷‍♀️

GD is enjoying ship life batting around the Caribbean area.

She docked in Haiti a few hours ago - original home of the Voodoo curses and dolls. 😳😳

I asked her to bring me home a few dolls - there’s more than a few people I’d like to send them to at times lol 😉. She refused…😷

Anyway, hope everyone has a good rest of day.

X

Thanks everyone for good wishes.
A lovely day spent with old friends, had lunch at home then out for a meal in an Italian restaurant for dinner.
Plan to go to London with them tomoro weather permitting. Have told DH to stay at home because he has a nasty chest infection. They should have stayed until Weds but heard about our daughter having a miscarriage and insisted on cutting the visit short so we could go to her on Monday after they leave. Is nice that they knew our daughters from when they were born, and knew us long before that, so our daughters think of them like family and vice versa, just as we feel the same about our friends daughter. But we have arranged to go up to se them in February next year.
Our widowed friend was happy to see us and reminisce about old times, but he has lost weight and his grief is still raw. Am glad my good friend who came down with him regularly drops in to see how he is and his daughter has been having him over at hers to see the GCs.
@Yogi, birthdays are tough, your message to your DD is so poignant 🌺 take care.
@Spring20 I get that flat feeling too, I think we all do, it is the realisation that it is not within our power to change things, but at the same time that can release us and allow us to accept our situation and move on.
Life is too short.
🌺🙏🏾

Finally catching up with more of your news.
DiamondLily we used to go on the ferry to Ireland that was enough for me . One memorial trip we were on the ferry at 4am . I always had to take sea sickness tablets and only sip water. My darling husband and the children where eating bacon sandwiches at that time of the morning . The sea was heaving high winds and waves . But the 3 of them just carried on eating as if nothing happening. I remember having my head on the table moaning that they where rotters.

Yogin my brother started on a bike when he was 16 and is still a biker at 65. He's had numerous over the years ,trikes and bikes with side cars. When he lived at home we spend many hours worrying about him getting home . We always had snow and remember sitting up with mom and dad waiting for him to come home in a snow storm. He walked in the door and said no one touch me he was frozen. He's helmet and gloves had to thaw out before we could remove them . He got a car remember plastic pigs or their real name a 3 wheeler car. You only needed a bike license to drive one. He eventually got his car license but still always had bikes. He's been all over Europe going to bike rallies and in this country. My sister in law until recently still go on the back of a bike . He had a high back on the seat with arms . But it took him and a friend to get her on and off the bike . Unfortunately her MS means she can only go in the sidecar now but there little dog loves it and has her own googles and harness to keep her safe. Like the one in the car. He even put a heater in there for her and it's fully enclosed with a hard shell.

Mom and dad hated him having bikes but would never stop him . But he has made life long friends being a biker and always wore leathers even on the hottest weather . Every February he holds a fund raiser in Wales in the name of one of his biker friend who had motor neurone disease . Been running them about 15 years. But the last 4 +years the money raised has gone to the air ambulance as the MN charity stopped giving all the money raised to people who needed treats but went on people's salaries . That wasn't what the money was for. He's raised thousands over the years and friends from Europe always come to it .

SparklyGrandma sorry you suffer from migraines. Only had one once it was horrible. I have friends who get them and they floor them .

Because I am on blood thinners I have a card in my phone case saying I am on the incase of accident and I can't talk . Because of them I can't eat anything crunchy as I get blood blisters in my mouth. They look awful but don't hurt and they just go in there own.

Spring I am sorry for your friend's loss . Even though estranged it's still their child who has died . Not going to the funeral was the best way to go but must have been so hard for them . Hopefully they just remember the child as they where before the estrangement when they where a happy family . It is horrible that people deliberately go out of their way to hurt others . And estranged children know how to hurt their parents in the worse way possible . It's sad and so unnecessary. As been said estrangement is a living grief . Your friend can grieve for their child properly now and just remember the good times and close the book on the bad .

Round here dogs need there waterproofs but have seen dogs covered up against the rain and wind but there owners in light waterproofs and the men wearing shorts . Hardy breed the northerners especially which the sea no far away . Remember when our daughter was at uni and we saw horizontal rain for the first time . It's flat here and coming from hills I forget how strong the winds get . Would have thought after 5 years I would be used to them but they still take me by surprise.

Yogin sorry about your students fiancee 28 is no age but unfortunately cancer is no respector of age . It's all to do with the grade of cancer and how quickly it is picked up and what part of the body it effects . Learn a lot about cancer when my husband was diagnosed and didn't realise there where different types of chemo and strengths . But we always knew he wouldn't live but still a shock when he was terminal . We saw the same people when he had his chemo . One was a young man of 19 going through his third course of chemo he didn't want to but his mom had begged him . Unfortunately he died a few days later after he started the third course . When my husband had cancer it was 1 in 3 got cancer it's now 1 in 2 . That's why it's so important to have all the screening we are offered and know our bodies and anything out of the normal checked out.

My son won't need to know when I die as there is nothing for him when I do . He doesn't care now, death won't alter that fact .

Babs hope your friends had a lovely time with you . Good friends can be more important than family as we choose who to be friends with family are just what we have good or bad .

Heard on the radio this morning this country pledging so many millions to give to other countries every year. We are a first world country and we have food banks and people living in unfit housing , homelessness is on the rise . Bills going up all the time and they are willing to give money away instead of keeping it here to help people . But this has been going on for decades . How many people will die this winter due to fear of having their heating on because of cost . I still remember the winter that so many people died the morgues where full and hospitals had refrigerated lorry in the car parks . No matter who is in power they give away money knowing full well it will be used to buy arms to fund wars . And not help the people it was attended for.

If they didn't send money abroad then every pensioner could have the winter fuel allowance. Carers wouldn't have their money stopped just because they reach state pension age . Their loved ones still need caring for . Just makes me so 😡😡😡.

Babs know alm you are going through as I read your thread. Nothing I can said more than I did.. After the other half of you dieing people lose weight I call it grief weight loss . You eat but your body seems to burn off the food as grief isn't just emotional but effects you physically. Never understood it until it happened to me .

One of our band is still missing and hopefully back tomorrow. Like me and others we couldn't post for a time. But her 7 days where up on Wednesday and still not able to post.. Took me 8 to get back instead of 7 . It's very upsetting for her and doesn't understand why she isn't allowed back . Better not say anymore as I don't want to go through no posting again .

Sorry if I have missed anyone out .. Hopefully know caught up with everything. 🤗

Babs just read what I wrote no idea why I put about the other half of you dieing .As I know you are married . Have to read back and find out why I wrote that . 🤦🤦🤦🤦

Babs sorry none the wiser. Honestly my brain thinks one thing and I end up writing something completely different. Just ignore me .

@Whiff 😂is ok I knew what you were trying to say.
Like you my widowed friend has lost the love of his life. We just got back from London, weather was vile but went in the national portrait gallery then to St Martin in the Fields church which his wife/my dear friend always made a point of going into to donate to the homeless, we lit a candle in her memory and he sat quietly for a while, only when he blew his nose did we know he had been crying but we left him in peace until he was ready to proceed.
Then we went to the cafe in the crypt for lunch, my DH had rallied round since being on antibiotics so he was with us.
But you are right whiff I think his weight loss is down to grief but my friend said she would mention it to his daughter in case at his age is something else. Tbh I just don’t think he is eating very well.
Anyway of the roast dinner at a local carvery soon.
Take care all 🌺

Thanks everyone for all your comments and kindness. As Whiff said, I hope my friend can now grieve properly and remember happy times. The pain of estrangement has ended to be replaced with a more natural pain, though still very hard.
I love St Martins in the Fields church Babs and the crypt cafe. Sounds like you had a good trip despite the awful weather!

Babs03. For what it’s worth, I lost a shedload of weight when DH died last year. Along with hair loss. 🤷‍♀️. Both fell off of me.

Both have stabilised now, but it’s surprising how much bereavement can affect physical health, along with the emotional whack of it.

It’s dreadful, but it does ease, over time. 🤷‍♀️

@DL yes I believe it does affect your whole body, the trauma you go through emotionally must cause this. When my dad died suddenly in his mid fifties my mum just stopped eating, she would take a bite or two then say she wasn't hungry, she also started to get such crippling headaches that she had to be referred, they never found out after various scans what the problem was but looking back it all makes sense.
xx

Evening ladies, hello Allsorts Smileless Whiff Babs Yogi Spring and anyone else..

Yes thank you, those who said, my migraine has gone though nothing touched it. Relieved.

Another week starts..we’ve had 50 mph gusts here, too noisy to sleep last night.

My DF passed sadly 1.5 years ago. I am estranged from my sister and was from my father - I emailed my sister six months ago to ask if I could see my fathers will as I wanted to see what his last wishes were or are.
I had looked on th Probate page of the gov.uk website. It had not been put through probate.
My sister replied no and said there is no money in it if that’s why (you’re) asking.
I said it wasn’t but have heard nothing since.

Morning all estrangees
Thankfully the gales we had yesterday and especially last night down here have eased, hoping nobody got caught in those dreadful floods. Just worried about our friends getting home on the train, so many lines are down, we are off to our daughters to help with our grandson but will leave them a key in case they have stay another day.
Sparkly I used to get terrible migraines but they have eased with age now I only get them very rarely, usually triggered by bright lights. My sympathies are with you.
So sorry about the whole will debacle, I am also estranged from my sister for as long as I have been estranged from my eldest daughter and so from my two nephews also, though they communicate with my other daughters sometimes.
Is a funny old business estrangement, with many tentacles affecting various members of the family.
Cuddles to the cats 🐱
🌺

Morning everyone. It's lovely to see and blue sky after the terrible weather over the weekend. I hope you're all dry, it's upsetting to see so many homes have been flooded.

I remember how horrible it was when we had water coming into our basement at our old hold house, which doesn't begin to compare with what many are facing.

You've done a great job catching up with everyone's news Whiff. It's great to be almost back to full strength on this thread, just one more to welcome back which hopefully will be today.

A difficult road ahead for your friend Spring, having already experienced living bereavement she is now grieving for the death of her EAC.

It's good to know that the physical toll the loss of your DH had has stabilised now DL. I think we can underestimate the physical toll that bereavement brings.

Your poor mum Babs losing your dad, her husband so young. With no medical diagnosis, it must surely have been the shock and grief that affected her health.

Hope your friends manage to get home OK, it seems that the weather over the weekend has disrupted a lot of rail services. At least they know they can stay over at yours and wont be stranded.

Glad you migraine's gone Sparkly, they really are debilitating when they hit aren't they. I don't get many thank goodness but always make sure I have Migraleve pink tablets. If I think one's coming and I take them, 99% of the time I can avoid it materialising.

Have a good day everyone x

Babs the message to my estD didn't go through, in the respect that only one grey tick. My son told me that means I'm blocked

After buying all those Xmas gifts last weekend, went on the same site to buy a few more and of course it's Black Friday deals, I noticed one item I had already purchased was now cheaper. Should I look at the others to see how much money I've wasted in being too quick to buy? I don't learn as did the same last year

Well done to your brother Whiff raising all that money for charity. Thankfully my son hasn't rode his motorbike in the snow, but in torrential rain for about 90mins, he came in like a drowned rat and freezing cold! Thank God he is using his car now.