Advice regarding my GD living in Australia

The story hasn’t changed

It does keep evolving so advice might need to evolve too.

The problem is Cleverfairy you now have two threads running simultaneously, one here on the Estrangement forum and one on the 'Ask a Gran' forum, hence the confusion and why I suggested you ask GNHQ to delete one of them.

You’re not actually estranged from your daughter though. I think this is why people are confused. Many on this thread are suffering genuine estrangement from family members. Your situation is not at that stage, yet.

Because I had originally posted in an old thread, I only joined today and was unsure where to post, someone answered and told me to start a new thread, that’s why, I’m not trying to confuse anyone

My daughter would be happy for the child to spend quality time with her father’s parents, absolutely she would as long as her daughter wanted to, she would love for her to travel with her father to Italy where his relatives live, it would enrich her life and be educational too.
The child’s father actually spent very little time with his daughter previously, he was mostly out drinking with his buddy’s and only decided to want time with her once her mother had left due to domestic violence.
How does this post differ from my OP? The story hasn’t changed, and the reason I posted on the “estrangement “ thread was because I didn’t know where to post it

You've also started a thread about this on the 'Ask a Gran' forum. It might be more helpful if you asked for this or that one to be deleted, so those wanting to respond will only have one thread on which to do so.

Cleverfairy13

Wow, the reason I posted the second post was because I had posted on a thread that was old and was advised to start a new thread and who said I was unhappy with the advice given, I have only just seen the responses and I am currently reading through them. How rude are you

But you started another thread as well as posting on an old one and now this one
🤔

I appreciate that NSW is huge and they may live a long way from the coast.

However, you are going to have to compromise here.
What is important is your granddaughter maintaining a good relationship with her father and, presumably, his family too.
Does he see his daughter at weekends?

Perhaps try to find somewhere nearer their home for the holiday, or fit the break around his plans.

I’m surprised that you seem unable to consider this from any other view point than its impact on you. Your reference to losing 12 days ignores the loss of daughter-father time if your wishes are met

Your description of your daughter’s ex partner as ‘the father’ has a cold clinical feel, it’s how a Court judgement may describe him. I’m not criticising the court’s language by the way.
It isn’t “his visitation”. It’s maintaining loving bonds between this child and her father. That should be everyone’s focus

Wow, the reason I posted the second post was because I had posted on a thread that was old and was advised to start a new thread and who said I was unhappy with the advice given, I have only just seen the responses and I am currently reading through them. How rude are you

i agree with GSM's usual good sense.

You either accept that this little child is going to see her father, who she no longer is living with, or you don’t go. Or, you compromise. You go and enjoy NSW beaches instead, which from my own experience are beautiful. Then dad gets to see his daughter and you get to see yours.

There is absolutely nothing you can do about this. Your granddaughter’s father does not want to miss contact with his daughter for 4 weeks. It is his right to refuse to agree to this, and I agree with his stance. It’s a really unreasonable request to make of him. Asking for 1 or 2 weeks is a perfectly standard request in these types of situations. 4 weeks is too much.

All you can do is change your plans and fit them around your granddaughter’s schedule. Maybe one week at the beach, and another week elsewhere. On the days that your granddaughter is with her father, you can spend time with your daughter, or explore on your own. Plenty to do in Australia. Just make the most of it.

👏👏👏

Germanshepherdsmum

This is the second thread you have started on this today and you have had lots of advice, which obviously you’re not happy with as nobody has agreed with your stance. You are now telling a slightly different story. This is not an estrangement issue. Your grandchild’s father now sees much less of her than when he was living with her mother and he naturally wants to maintain that contact and not lose it whilst you visit. Presumably you are hoping that estranged grandparents will have a different view. Thank your lucky stars that you are not one of them.

I agree. It doesn’t matter that you’ve previously done xx. The couple has now separate and as a result parenting time with their children is now going to be quite different. Your daughter should also think hard about how she’d feel to give up seeing her children for 4 weeks at a time so they could
Go off with him and his parents. What they’ve previously been okay with as a married couple is quite irrelevant and you’ll simply need to change what you do around the new reality in your daughter and grandchild’s life. Her father is entitled to his share of time and frankly your grandaughter is entitled to time with her father

You'll have to fit your GD's time with her father in with your own plans. It's unfortunate but not unusual for previously agreed arrangements to change when parents separate.

If he's no longer sharing the same home with his daughter due to this change in circumstances, they wont be seeing as much of one another as they used too.

This is the second thread you have started on this today and you have had lots of advice, which obviously you’re not happy with as nobody has agreed with your stance. You are now telling a slightly different story. This is not an estrangement issue. Your grandchild’s father now sees much less of her than when he was living with her mother and he naturally wants to maintain that contact and not lose it whilst you visit. Presumably you are hoping that estranged grandparents will have a different view. Thank your lucky stars that you are not one of them.

It might be a case of staying with her and doing day/short trips rather than your previous holidays.

This definitely makes more sense than your previous post! How often does he see her and what provision is made in that for holidays, etc? That will be where the clarity is. But I don’t blame him for not wanting to miss out on seeing her for 3-4 weeks!

Forgot to add, he hasn’t signed the parenting agreement from mediation