I chose one over the other now I regret it

You've finally recognised what she is doing stop her now.Talk to your son and your GP both you and your daughter need help.
maybe she is frightened of being on her own but she needs strategies put in place to cope with that and you can't do it.
Best of luck.

I agree with Smileless. Ask your son to help you get free from your daughter.

Cossy is right you need to reach out to your family and friends. You need to contact your son and tell him what you've told us. He needs to know that you accept what you have done, that it's responsible for you being estranged, and that you are sorry.

Your daughter is coercively controlling you Ogabc and because this type of behaviour can be so damaging, it was given it's own status in the 2015 Criminal Act.

Your daughter can't be happy now if she can behave the way she does and you enabling her to coercively control/abuse you, isn't going to prevent her from being lonely when you've gone.*

Please* stop this abuse, it's never too late and your son needs to know how much you regret the way things have been.

I agree with Cossy. This is coercive behaviour and you need to confide in a GP, social services or the local vicar. Can you reach out to your son and explain that you have been manipulated through no fault of your own ?You are the important one here not your daughter.

You are enabling your daughter, you are the parent and it is up to you make boundaries and call out bad behaviour. You will not be here forever then she will definately be alone.

What a terrible story! To be perfectly honest you need to immediately distance yourself from your daughter! Reach out to all your other family members and friends and tell them what’s been happening across many years. See a GP, get some counselling. Be very strong and brave!

Personally I believe this is a form of domestic abuse and the relationship is highly toxic.

Good luck