Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

Oh Whiff please ramble away. I am so sorry for what your lovely friend has had to go through. It must have been devastating when her husband died and also brought back painful memories for you. Sending you love and hugs.

Hugshelp - We went through similar years ago and we had to go back to the solicitors the following day. That night I thought my heart would stop because everything was packed and ready for the move. The kids even had places at different schools etc. It did go through but it’s the reason I just cannot face moving house again. Fingers crossed for you.

Jumper finished just got to sew it together, which is the bit I do not like. Then a jumper for my friend’s grandson for christmas.

Its poured with rain here for days and its so dark. Visiting my local wool shop this afternoon and have a natter there. Feel positive today as I have my train ticket booked and paid for to visit my son in December. Yahooooooooo!

Love and hugs to you all.

Don't worry about it Whiff I was convinced yesterday was Tuesday!!!

Thank Smiles. I'm an idiot I thought today was Wednesday not Tuesday . My grandson's birthday is the 23rd which is tomorrow 🤦🤦🤦. Enjoy singing the new songs.

What a fabulous ramble Whiff, fabulous because your support gloves are obviously doing the trick and making it possible for you to type and of course, write your Christmas cards and wrap presents.

OMG your poor friend, what a terrible shock for her. I just wouldn't know what to do or say so thank goodness she has your love and support.

So we have another published member on our support thread, who knew we'd be in the company of such accomplished ladies.

I was so looking forward to my first lesson this afternoon but it's been postponed to Saturday so I'll just have to make do with choir tonight, and make some time to go through two pieces of music I haven't sung before.

Won the thermostat war last night, not that anyone would have doubted the outcome.

Have a good day everyone.

So many of you to catch up on. Have been awake since 4 but had a good night's sleep . Just put the heating on as it's down to 17° in my living room so rest of the bungalow is colder. The cold makes my limbs more painful. Have my thermostat at 22° but only have it on for 3 hours of a morning and turn it off. Living in a bungalow I have a well insulated loft so it stays cosy for a long time.

Hugs I am so sorry that happened. Hopefully it all goes through today. I well remember the stress of moving but it's the best thing I had done since my husband died. I love my bungalow, my new life and new me. I have gain so much since my move but through his own choice and that of my daughter in law lost them and my 3 grandson's. But I have never regretted moving over 100 miles . Funny how life turns out. If I hadn't of moved wouldn't have had the health care I have. Found out I was born with HPX and a whole in my heart and my PAF is under control. Found I was a gardener. And got more friends than I have ever had. Wonderful neighbours that worry if they don't see me and knock my door to check I am ok. They know I see my daughter every week but still check on me. It's funny really they are older than me .

The big plus is if I hadn't have had my second buyer pull out would never have joined GN in March 2019. But on the house and home thread I went on found I wasn't alone. Which has lead me to many other threads I am on. And of course without all of you couldn't have got through what my son has done.

Because of moving I got rid of the children's wedding bits I had kept, toys etc. I let go of loads of things and that was very freeing. I got rid of the past I no longer needed including all the cards and letters I had after my husband died. I hadn't read them since I received them. Re read them and put them into the recycling. I wanted a par down life free from clutter. And made it a rule nothing was going into my loft in my bungalow. In my old house it's a wonder the ceilings didn't cave in. Sent boxes of things to charity shops unopened they had been up there for 20+ years if we hadn't needed them in that time I wasn't wasting time opening them. I even sent my wedding dress ,headdress and veil to the charity. Things are just that things you take your memories with you wherever you go.

DerbyshireLass not long now until 1st December. Full steam ahead. But don't wear yourself out. Pace yourself and make sure you have plenty of hot drinks and food. I had that many lists of things to do and people and companies I had to contact but ticked everything off as I did it. Because of my memory problems I had to plan everything like a military operation. You will find living on one level so much easier and cheaper costs.

Smiles I am glad you had a wonderful Turkish meal. Never been to one. Something to try in the future. I love new experiences . We are never to old for them. Singing lessons how lovely wouldn't do me any good they would pay me to go away 🤣. Bet you have to do some funny voice exercises. My husband was a hot bod kept me warm in the winter but he liked me cold feet on his legs during the summer as he had very hairy legs . I used to call him chimpanzee legs. Funny the things you think off.

Allsorts I hope you have been able to sleep. Try and rest during the day . Are you warm enough in bed as that can disturb your sleeping ? And being cold can make limb pains worse.

Pixie you will have to post a picture of your finished jumper. It's good to set yourself a challenge and it's great when you achieve it. Plus knitting or any craft takes you out of yourself and relaxing. Well most of the time unless you make a mistake and have to unpick. My craft group has its closed what's app page. We chatter as much on that as much we do during Thursday afternoons . Hopefully you see your granddaughter's soon. They will have so much to tell you. As schools are gearing up for Christmas fairs and plays.

Namsnanny having a good declutter not only clears your home but I found decluttered my mind. Like you I don't want to have to leave lot for my daughter to sort out when I die. Don't want what my husband did . You would not believe the things we found in the garage he kept just in case. We cleared it out a year after he died. The children said we know what dad's legacy was it's rubbish. You would not believe the little bits of pipe ,cable ,wood etc. He had even kept the toilet seat that he changed as soon as we brought the house in 1985 he died in 2004. No idea why 🤷.

Yogin hope you haven't been getting soaked walking you little dog ? Does he have a waterproof coat you put on him ? I know those who have short haired dogs don't bother but those with long hair do. Well they do by me.

As you can see I am back with my rambles. I brought a pair of support gloves from the pharmacy and they have helped ease the pain in my hands and wrists . Finger less but with my small hands only just below my nails are bare and they have a grip dots on the palms. Finished my xmas cards and presents wrapped.

It's youngest grandson's birthday today he's 2 they will be round after school and nursery. My daughter popped in last night to pick up the scooter they had delivered here. She also brought me a present. I mentioned last week one of my crafter's had a hooded cosy blanket like jumper oversized with a hood and pocket. Aldi had some but would have been no good for me as they had tight cuffs. So my darling girl hunted round shops to find ones that wouldn't hurt my wrists. She brought me 2 from Tu as they are cream and she knows I spill things down me. How can we have brought both children up the same one treats me like a devil incarnate and they other does such thoughtful things that make me cry .

After talking to my friend yesterday morning for nearly hour and half many tears and laughter . Especially as I found out about her husband's death. He hadn't been well all week and spent most of the week resting in bed. Thursday after lunch he got up had a shower and they where talking about the future and what he wanted to do. She went downstairs to tidy up for 20 mins and shouted up did he want another drink. He didn't reply but heard him move. After 10 mins called again but he didn't answer . She found him lying across the bed and phoned 999 and they talked her through CPR 5 paramedics soon arrived with all their equipment and asked her to move into the other room so they could work. She could hear them talking after 20 mins she heard one say are we all agreed. She knew her husband was dead. They looked as devastated as she felt. 38 years together married 36. I was the first she text on the Friday morning to tell. We have been friends since we were 18 she knew my husband and we went out as a 4 some. They could never have children and she has no blood relatives. Yesterday she said I was the closest thing to a sister she could ever get. We have loved eachother since not long after we met I loved her husband as well and they mine.

Unfortunately he hadn't seen a doctor for a few months as he cancelled 3 appointments. But he was looking after himself as he had high blood pressure and pre diabetic. And had given up all the sweet things he loved. Like me her health isn't good and thought the same of me she would die first. Because he hadn't seen the doctor for a few months there may be an inquest but she thinks the death certificate will say cardiac arrest. So until she gets the death certificate can't organise the funeral. We talked about it yesterday and she didn't want many people at the funeral but as it's a burial and at a church like a Crem they are public places and you can't stop people who want to attending but the wake can be invite only. She didn't realise. As we talked she realised things she hadn't thought about. But like I said we knew Christmas 2003 it was my husband's last and he hadn't got much longer left. So we discussed it then. Actually he said do what you want.

Luckily she has good friends close by they have been round and taken food. As it's important because of health matters she eats and drinks regularly. They are Christians and their faith means a lot to them . So I choose a sympathy card with words that would mean something to her as a believer. Usually I send blank cards and just write in a few words. But like I said to her yesterday platitudes are meaning less as she knows how much I love her and her husband and how much I care. I don't send flowers as they are a waste of money. And she is only having a small wreath from her. And if anyone ones to donate to charity. Which I did yesterday to their choosen 2 Salvation army and child cancer charity.

When my daughter came round told her what happened and she cried. She was 3 when they got married. But she has know her all her life. I said I will be going to the funeral and wake and said if it's early I will travel down the day before and stay in a b&b as my friend can't have anyone to stay it's to early. Which I perfectly understand . But my daughter said she would take me. I said we will see when it is.

So had an upsetting morning but some laughter. But in the afternoon my world of cross stitching mag arrived and Hugs you aren't the only one published. I was reading the letters page and saw a picture of 2 cushions and thought someone pinched my ideas then realised it was mine . I sent them in last year with some text. 🤦. I had forgotten I did it. Then of course my daughter arrived. Also had an appointment to see my neurologist 20th January 2023. So had a good day in the end.

End of ramble . Take care everyone and keep warm and dry.

I bet you'd have had a few choice words for them if you'd been face to face hugs.

I'm thinking of hiding ours DSL for the sake of Mr. S.'s blood pressure and my desire to be warm.

Oh Hugs......how frustrating for you. 🤞 it gets sorted soon.

Whiff, sorry you are struggling today. ❤️ A bit of extra TLC.

It's been another soggy day here. I was supposed to go shopping and do a charity shop drop off but just couldn't face it.

Had to smile at the thermostat wars. I remember them well. Now I war with myself.......I have a smart meter so I know exactly how much I'm spending. The numbers are terrifying. Another good reason to move. My new home is not only smaller than here but it has a better energy rating so I'm hoping my energy bill will come down a bit,

For goodness sake. We w re supposed to exchange today. Everyone went in and signed - except the bottom of the chain - who were the ones who proposed the date - and they decided to raise more queries at half four.
Just what?!

Need to sort myself out only if that means taking extra special care of yourself Whiff.

Glad we're not the only ones engaged in the thermostat battle hugs. I always win in the end; hope you do too.

Great to hear you're cracking on DSL
Glad to hear you have sun smiles. We do the thermostat battle all the time lol.
This is about the 10th day of unremitting rain here - everything is so soggy. The lawn's more like a mud bath.

Just a quick Hi . Talking to my friend this morning was a mix of tears and laughing. But has brought my husband's death back. Thought I had come to terms with it years ago. But my friend had know him since we were both 18 and my husband 19. Her husband had known him as well for a few years. Also woke to a pain flare so not coping very well today. Need to sort myself out. 😊

Morning everyone. It's sunny but decidedly chilly here this morning so 'let battle commence' between me and Mr. S. as I want to turn up the thermostat and he wants to turn it down.

He's a hot bod, like a walking hot water bottle while I'm the opposite and feel the cold. I keep telling him I'm a delicate hot house flower.

We are indeed very fortunate to have so many lovely eating places on our door step but not so good for the waist line or our budget.

Hope you had a better night's sleep Allsorts, it's frustrating isn't it when you can't and sometimes being too tired can make it even harder.

Good grief Pixie knitting a jumper in a week. I've only ever knitted one thing, a matinee jacket for DS. I started it when I found out I was pregnant and only just got it finished in time before he was born, and it wasn't that good anyway.

Keepsakes can be a problem can't they Namsnanny. I kept nothing from ES's wedding but of course loads of photo's so I'll be boxing the ones of him including all his school pics, and someone will either pass them onto him when I'm dead and buried, or they wont.

You should keep what matters to you. I doubt your EAC would know if you'd kept keep sake's relating to your other AC and not them, but if you do and they find out, well what do they expect?

Would they keep hold of things associated with someone who'd treated them and hurt them so badly?

Thank you Yogin, I've been thinking the same about you too.
Who'd have imagined when we first met almost 10 years ago that we'd still be here, still estranged.

We've shared a lot over the years and the highlight for me was when your son came back into your life. x

Your Christmas may be chaotic DSL but it'll be great as you begin a new chapter in your life with your new home and a healthier relationship with your son and d.i.l.

That's been a highlight for me this year, seeing you grow from strength to strength and how your courageous resolve has won through in the end. Long may it continue.

Hope you're OK Whiff (((hug))).

Hi everyone. Just a quickie.

Sending Smiles 💐for the 10 year anniversary. Must be very difficult for you. Glad Mr S had a nice birthday.

And WOW to the singing lessons, good for you, singing is so good for us, all those breathing exercises are wonderful for our lungs as we age. .

I used to sing in a choir but haven't done so for a few years now. I have really noticed a difference in my lung capacity, my voice is getting weaker.

As a young girl I developed a stutter, so I ended up having voice coaching. I got into speech and drama and learned a lot about breathing exercises etc.

Anyway now that I have noticed my decreased lung capacity I am now back to proper breathing exercises and following voice and language coaching on you tube. Even if I don't rejoin a choir I do want to maintain a strong, clear speaking voice as I age.

I do love you tube - it's a fabulous educational resource. It's amazing what you can learn and all for free. You don't even have to leave the sofa........😂🤣

Anyway better get cracking......aiming to move on 1st December. Wahoo. So exciting but I need to get a wiggle on, I have a to do list as long as my arm. Christmas is going to be chaos but on a positive note perhaps I will be so busy and so exhausted I might not have time to miss my husband quite so much.

Re the sleep thing. I think poor sleep is so draining, especially if it goes on for a long time. I find it best to avoid using my devices in the evening.....IPad, mobile etc. I like go tech free after around 6pm if I can. It seems to help.

Smiles nice to hear you & Mr S had a good celebration for his birthday, twice! Hope you're doing ok with this being the 10yr ann. month, brings up sad thoughts I know

Hugs I had a big clear out when I moved. There were boxes & boxes of my estD, I whittled it down to just a couple, gave them to my son to pass on to her, but she said she didn't want them, so I still have them. It was stuff you can't just chuck, like certificates, ballet shoes & photos from her dancing days.

Namsany I keep all my mementos, wouldn't throw any of them, anyway your estranged D wouldn't be clearing out your house, it would be those in your life.

Pixie look forward to next weekend when you'll see your lovely GDs.

Allsorts }}}Huggs{{{ lovely to see your post and sorry to hear you've been a bit down, it's these gloomy, rainy, dark days that do it I think.

When I was first estranged, I didn't sleep, would wake at 3am and have to get up. I started taking 'Kalms one a night' that seemed to do the trick. Took them for about 8yrs, still have some packets in the cupboard, but don't need them now, I sleep well.

I'm the same pixie. I can be okay all day then all the rubbish thoughts gang up on me at night. And the aches and pains always seem worse at night too for some reason.
Oh my word, a jumper in a week! I finished one a couple of weeks ago, but it took me about four months.

Ooh let us know if the lamp helps after a while nams.

Oh Goodness, that sounds like a really hard task nams. I remember when we cleared our son's stuff out to leave for him to pick up elsewhere (and some to bin) - it's such a gutting feeling. I must say, now that it's all been gone a good while I'm glad it has and feel better about it. I hope you do too in time.

Its wet and grey here. I'm day dreaming of your spicy Indian or Turkish meals smileless2012 just what the dr ordered for damp chilly days.

What a lovely inclusive post to everyone Allsorts
Not being able to sleep is a difficult one.
I've bought a daylight lamp to help. I've not seen any difference yet!
hugshelp sorry you are suffering too.

Purplepixie I'm glad your feeling positive. Could it be the success you're having with your knitting?
I sometimes get a feeling of things lifting if I've completed a task successfully.

Talking of completing a task, I cleared out a drawer or two yesterday. It had keepsakes from two of my children's weddings
One I see when they are in town. The other not at all.
It was a difficult job, as I felt disloyal to the one who 'estranged' (hate that term) me, as I put those bits of a memory in the bin.
I had conflicting emotions. I'm sure you all know them well, of regret, hurt, sadness, frustration and I must say anger.
Anger at the waste of emotion and time slipping away.
I wondered should I keep the trifles from the wedding of the AC I do see?
What will they think of me when they come to empty the house when I die?
Will they band together and say,
'oh she saved X memento. That proves she favoured X and not Y'
I worried about it most of the day, then decided I had to throw both wedding mementos away to be fair.
We took them to the tip and threw them away there and then.
Cried on and off through the night, as I instantly regretted it.

It's done now.

I can see why a new house, new start can be a sort of freedom. (*Smiless2012 and DSL*)

I think bad sleep is something that we are all suffering from. Everything seems ten times worse during the night and there is nothing that I can do about it. Old stuff pops back into my head and I actually replay scenarios. Its horrible.

The jumper is coming along just great. Just got the sleeves to finish. I set myself a daft challenge and that was to knit it within one week so not bad because I only started it on wednesday. I want to knit my friends grandson a jumper for christmas.

I feel strangely positive this morning while the sun is shining and hubby is making the dinner tonight. More knitting and watching TV this afternoon. The two grand daughters didnt come to stay last night because I think they were doing stuff with their dad but might come next weekend.

Hugs to everyone

Thank you allsorts. Lovely to see you. Sorry you're not sleeping. Me neither. It's rubbish - thinking of you. x

Hi everyone, Do look at your news regularly but not commenting much as been down.
That's good news all round DSL.new start.
Hugs know how stressful everything is for you right now but hopefully despite it being a lot to take on it will get sorted soon.
Smiles how great to be within walking distance of such lovely restaurants.
Whiff, I've everything crossed for you and just sorry you have all this stress getting help you are entitled to. Good job you have your d and her family there for you.
Yoga I know just how you feel.
This is a silly time to get on here but just can't sleep lately.

Glad you had a good sleep pixie. How far along is the jumper and what style?

Oh, so good to hear your good news DSL. Now you can really crack on with getting ready for a whole new life.

Ooh Turkish and Indian. I am jealous smiles. Our DD tells us the Indian restaurant near their new home is lovely, so that's one to look forward to. She's a bit under the weather atm but hopefully picking up now.

That's brilliant DSL time to celebrate . New year, new house, new life I can certainly attest to the new house, new life sentiment. It really is great news.

You'll be seeing him again soon Pixie and meeting his new love I'm sure so something to look forward too. You're being neither silly nor needy, just human like we all are. Hope the jumper's going well.

We've had a lot of rain here too hugs but as you say there's plenty to get on with indoors, and if like me you have 'can't be bothered days' there's always Netflix.

Hope you've enjoyed the better weather Yogin.

We had a lovely meal out Thursday evening for Mr. S.'s birthday at our favourite Turkish restaurant and very naughtily are going out for an Indian tonight.

It's so difficult when everywhere's within walking distant, I mean what is a girl supposed to do?