Good job I started this thread early while the other thread was filling up. I amazed we are on page 3 already. Only just caught up with the last 2 pages and the end of the other thread.
All who come here are after the same thing . We are all different and had and having different life experiences. But we all want the same thing someone to talk to about about how we are feeling. Not just about estrangement but whatever is going on in our lives. I know for me reading the support thread enabled me to PM Smiles and because of her kindness and understanding after months felt able to post openly.
Those who where abused as children in any shape or form it's horrendous and unfortunately in this day and age it still goes on. But people can find help and support from others who have suffered the same.
As I have said my dad was physically abused but he would never call it that . It was his father and stepmother didn't spare the rod. He was beaten so badly he had a hole behind his right ear and was deaf in it. Plus he was malnourished. Dad protected his siblings and took the beatings to protect them. But his dad and stepmother did have one really good point. My dad's youngest half sibling was born with downs not called that in 1950 . While it was common practice in those days for disabled children to be put into homes. He was loved and cherished by his parents and siblings. That's probably why he lived until he was 57. Disabled children weren't give proper medical care in those days. And aged 50 he was found to have been born with a hole in his heart.
Because of my mom dad found out what a real family was and his siblings. Because my mom made sure they all had what was lacking from their own parents.
I talked to my dad about his children but he said that was his past and you can't live in the past you have to live in the now and for the future . It's like his experiences in the army. He disapproved of people having campaign medals he would never claim his . I asked why and he said we where at war we did what we where told to protect people who couldn't protect themselves and to preserve our way of life. Medals for bravery where earned . What we did we had to . He hated people who talked about what they did to the enemy . He would only talk about funny things and would never talk about things he had to do. It was only after my daughter was born and talking to my husband he admitted he was stabbed when I asked where he said Cairo . It was months before he said his back. Dad fought mainly in Indian and Burma but did get parachute into Naples during the plague . No parachute training just hooked up and as they where pushed out of the plane told to bend their knees when they landed. But again he wouldn't talk about what he saw.
Dad would not let what he experienced as a child or in the army define who he was as an adult and would not dwell on the past. It was gone and dwelling on it would not change anything . Unfortunately he's brother could not let his childhood go and was an alcoholic but he was still able to work ,marry and have 4 children but he died in his 50's.
Both my parents where brought up in poor families and all their working lives never earned good wages. But because my mom always saved since she was 14 and started work they brought their own house after living with nan and grandad for 3 years.
My brother and me where rich in love and attention not just from our parents but extended family. My dad's dad died not long after I was born. He had been gassed during the 1st WW . But we went every Saturday after doing the shopping to both sides of the family. Only his stepmother and Uncle P lived in the house but their was usually one of dad's siblings there as well. After leaving special school he went to a workshop where they made things to sell for the charity. And he had what he called his wages. So we went to the local shop for his comic and sweets. We did this from when went we first started school. But uncle P knew his way to the shop as it was only a few doors away. In those days there where shops in most streets people would use a front room of their house and set up a shop usually a greengrocers,grocers or haberdashery.
Even if there was counseling in those days my dad wouldn't have wanted it . Because it was past and didn't impact on his life. Both my parents helped others where they could. Dad was in the St John's ambulance brigade for 30 years and only left when they had a new leader who was paid . Dad and all like him didn't think he should be paid as everyone was a volunteer. So they left. Not long after the branch closed due to lack of volunteers. Dad had a very strong view on right and wrong .
My husband was brought up without any love or given the attention he need . He joined the scouts and that gave him an escape and a different sort of family. He like my dad found what he had been missing when we meet or should I saw brought. My brother was in the scouts and my husband said to my brother get your sister to go out with me and I will buy you a pint. In fact he brought him 2 so my brother sold me for 34p as in 1975 was 17p a pint.
Our life experiences shaped who we are but it doesn't define who we are . While our past can effect our present dwelling on the past means we don't move on . If you can't move on then perhaps you need professional help. I don't mean it has to be a therapist but there are a lot of self help groups set up to help eachother. I know Facebook has some closed sites just for people who have problems that they can share with others who have gone through the same thing . I would never go on Facebook but once I had my diagnosis I got in touch with the rare disease society and they told me about the HPX society. Only people who have got it or are parents of children with it are allowed on. Because it's a closed site I feel safe there and have learnt a lot about it. Plus seeing videos of what it does to babies I now understand what my parents must have gone through with me . At least babies and young children showing syptoms can get tested and receive treatment to help. There is no cure for it. And people like me are finally being able to be diagnosed . But it took me moving home to get a new neurologist who didn't know what was wrong but put me on a tablet to stop my limbs jerking and seizures. He didn't know if it would work but it's like a switch has been turned off. Still have all the other problems but not having my body out of control has made my life better. Both parents where carriers for the gene mutation. But if they where alive today I wouldn't tell them it was hereditary. As that would have hurt them and that would have been cruel .
People on the other part of the thread have complained about us calling our estranged children names and some who have left got very nasty about it. But as I have said before estranged parents and estranged adult children see things differently. There are some who have experienced both things. So they can see both sides. But still don't understand why their own child,children or grandchildren estrange them. A poster who left said I had to know why my son estranged me and I don't. He has always been able to talk to me and they way he did it was cruel and cowardly via email and letter. We didn't bring him up to be cruel and cowardly. He was a loving and caring son. On my birthday he had to have know what he was going to do 4 days later so why did he give me such a wonderful time and why talk about putting paving down to make my garden safer . But told him I would get someone in as he was to busy. Then wham the email.
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.Unexpected opportunity to have a few days break next week and would love some recommendations
I bought 50 white wire coathangers for 9.99...lifechanger!!
