Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

Thank you for your post. I was in a similar position and looking back, I am glad I bit my tongue, It got very difficult towards the end and I experienced a situation I had never thought would pass, but it did.

I'm glad it passed Ravenscroft.

Well I've just got in and the stupid bird is back. It's a lovely day and I can't leave the patio door open in case it comes in the house.

Mr. S. is at the flat so I'll have to wait until he gets home to get the ring number so we can report it grrrrrrrrrr.

Smiles my daughter has a problem with pigeons roosting on their roof. She was having the pigeon man come and fit spikes on the roof today.

Looked after her eldest for couple of hours this morning as his brother went to have a taster of nursery he starts a full day on Friday and will go twice a week.

We made biscuits he's very good measuring the ingredients and rubbing the fat into flour and sugar mix and adding the cocoa powder. He laughed when I told how old my rolling pin was 45 years old. He can roll out better than me and a dab hand with the cutters. They took them all home with them so I am not tempted . Will have my treat tomorrow after my exercise class.

DerbyshireLass well done with the weight lost nearly half a stone . Did you take your measurements before you started . It's lovely to see the weight come off but also lovely to see the inches disappear. Hopefully now the children are back on school and people not having holidays your house move will speed up. Hopefully you have a full skip now.

LRavenscroft hello. Sorry you are a member of the estrangement club. But nice to know you found us.

Our little feathered friend went sometime this afternoon of its own accord Whiff so I'm hoping it wont be back.

It sounds as if your GS takes after his gran when it comes to baking. So the youngest is starting nursery. They grow up so quickly don't they.

Yogin glad the neighbour over the road has moved . Hopefully you have someone nice move in.

Watched a nice film last night on all 4 with Tom Hanks and Matthew Rhys called A beautiful day in the neighbourhood.

Smiles all my grandson's are getting older doesn't seem 5 mins since they where born. 3 at school, one starting nursery but of course don't know about my son's youngest. I suppose it depends on if he goes to the nursery he's brothers went to they take children from 3. My oldest grandson went to the one attached to the school they wanted him go to .I can only assume his brother went and they both got into the school. But will never know..

Morning everyone.

Is everything OK Whiff only I noticed you'd posted on another thread at 4.00 this morning?

Smiles I woke early and if I have had my sleep out can't get back to sleep. Which means I will probably fall asleep watching the TV tonight. Since I moved I fall straight asleep even after popping to loo in the night.

Started another pain flare but can still sleep with it . But I usually wake at 5 normally as I have to take my first tablets then. But I don't get out of bed until 7.
I catch up on my emails etc while listening to the radio. Ready to start my day.

Thanks for caring ?

You're welcome Whiff glad you're OK x.

Smileless I am glad your pigeon has flown. Years ago we nursed a pigeon back to health and traced its owner, he was a racing pigeon, we careful put pigeon in a box and drove him to his home, the owner a very dour man promptly rang his neck, my husband was disgusted, but the owner said what good is he if he doesn’t come home and shut the door on us.!!
Whiff, I could not sleep last night, never got off at all and I
just want to curl up now but I won’t as I will be wide awake tonight.
Yoga I had to put all the pain and despair inside an imaginary box, it haunted my every moment. I get moments of self pity when I realise the finality of it, think when we laughed so long ago and that I’m on my own now, then purposefully go full pelt into something else. You can’t exist if you don’t have a coping mechanism.
I come on here and I don’t feel so alone.

Ooh what a horrible man Allsorts, no wonder the pigeon didn't want to go home.

"I come on here and I don't feel so alone" that's good to know .

Whiff thank you for the tip about the nice film you watched. I will watch it at the weekend.
It's so relaxing to watch a good film which isn't full of bad language and killing. Not too many of them these days.

Allsorts some people are very cruel to animals and birds . It always makes me wonder how they treat people?

All this pigeon talk sparked a memory for me. I had boy friends at school as in friends who where boys. And one keep pigeons and he wanted me to meet his pigeons. As he was lovely I did. His granddad gave him his first pigeon and he learnt to race and breed them . Makes me wonder if he still keeps pigeons.

Funny how things here spark memories for me.

Allsorts we all have moments of self pity over various things. And to be honest I think it's a good thing. As much as I love the life I lead there are times I shout out this shouldn't be my life. I should still have my husband, son and grandson's. While I can never have my husband again my son and grandson's are still there just out of reach.

But I know if they where still in my life I wouldn't be the person I am now. I would be a different version of myself. But the me now I have found out I am stronger than I thought . I have made new friends who like me for me. I have done things I never knew I could do. I am tougher than I thought well most of the times still grief overwhelms me at time. But I accept that and just have a good cry and it's over with until the next time.
I am proud of what I have over come and proud of the fact no matter what life throws at me I just get on with things.

That's another thing I always thought self pride was wrong but I realised it isn't after my husband died. If you don't love and have pride in ourselves how can other others love and be proud of us .

Ironically my son used to say how proud he was of me coping with everything after his dad died. Hopefully it wasn't a lie. But my daughter has always told me she is proud of me as she didn't think I would cope either. But I know she means it.

I decided this year because of the energy rises to cut right back on who I buy presents for so it's only 8 but have cut right back on what I spend. I am under strict instructions from my daughter not to spend much on my grandson's or she will be very cross. So I will respect her wishes . Normally they have a couple of presents for birthday and Christmas plus money for clothes. They will just have couple of presents. I buy their birthday and Christmas presents at the same time as the youngest's birthday is November and his brothers January.

Had a good time at exercise as usual. Our oldest member at 94 had a fall but she still came couldn't do many exercises but came for the company. That's the thing about the exercise class it's not just making our bodies stronger but the social side . I love hearing about people's lives plus I am a chatterbox. It's the same with my craft group larger age range but it's the people that make it special. It makes sure I have 2 things I definitely do every week. Even when my exercise class finishes in 2 weeks I have a new on already to go too. Which will be a Monday morning instead of Wednesday. Just need to find out which bus I need to catch but will get that sorted tomorrow.

We'll have a good day everyone.

Just a quick wave. House has sale gone tits up and I've mostly been in bed with sinusitis last couple of days. We got to exchange date twice and had it postponed, then someone pulled out on day of third attempt. I know you have lived this Whiff. And you've also lost your dream home smiles.
Worn out and surrounded by boxes atm. Promise to catch up and chat soon. Thinking of you all. x

Oh hugs I'm so sorry. Sending you (((hugs))) and .

Oh dear Hugs. I am so sorry to hear that, so frustrating and stressful. ?❤️. I'm trying not to worry about mine. The EA keeps saying "no news is good news" but I don't see it that way.

The stats are 1 in every 3 sales collapses an£ from my experience the more delays the greater the risk of an aborted transaction.

I'm not at all confident that my sale is secure but given that it's out of my hands I'm trying not to worry. My concern is not with my buyer but with the FTB at the bottom of the chain. Still there's nothing I can do, so I'm just sitting tight. At least by renting for a while I don't have the added stress and upset of losing out on my next purchase.

Skip loading is going well. I'm being ruthless. Lol.

Smiles.....glad Pidgeongate was resolved......

Hello Ravenscroft and Aldom.

Whiff....you are right about pride and self respect. My DIL called me high maintenance.....?. You bet I am.......and I make no apologies.

It takes a lot of effort (and some money) to keep my poor old body from falling apart. After 9 years of being my husbands carer my health was wrecked and I was slowly healing. When everything blew up with my son and DIL last year it was a tremendous body blow, setting my recovering right back, Now, once again, I'm slowly getting better but it does involve a commitment to dedicated self care.

Pride in one's self, in our bodies, in our appearance is not merely vanity, it's about looking after ourselves and trying to be the best we can be. If we don't look after ourselves, who will, we are on our own, no one is coming. Whiff....we cope because that is what we do.

My DILs casual cruelty towards me did sap my confidence for a while but once I realised what was happening and just what she was then I decided to fight back and stop being a doormat, no more eggshells for me. I will be my true authentic self and if she doesn't like who I am then tough.

I welcomed her into my family and treated her as if she were my own daughter. She thanked me by ripping my family apart. I wont let her destroy what's left of my life.

DSL You are doing so well.. I sympathise about the weariness of it, at times it’s very lonely doing everything yourself and not having that family support. Add to that the strain of moving house it’s a lot. I think it’s about time house buying was simplified, no one gets away scot free so somethings wrong, I think it would do you good to have a break, if not a proper holiday perhaps a few days of pampering, trouble us you would probably put on that weight you have lost. At times a bar of chocolate does the trick.

Allsorts.....I would kill for some chocolate ? unfortunately my blood sugar levels are a bit higher than I would like so I'm being ultra good.

But definitely a holiday, once I have moved.

I can never understand why the UK system is not made easier for buyers and sellers, unless the present system is too lucrative for solicitors and surveyors etc to give it up.
In France when an offer is made and accepted a contract is signed by both parties and neither can then back out. Sure there are still annoying delays but no one is living on a knife edge wondering if they are going to have everything collapse or they are going to get gazumped.
It is cruel to all taking part.

Let's hope that no news is good news DSL. It's a very stressful time and you can do is keep going a head with what you can until you know any different.

We're entitled to be our true authentic selves. We were good enough for years weren't we, until someone came along and said we weren't, so why should we change now.

I agree that the process of buying and selling needs simplifying Allsorts and the way they do it in France sounds much better than the system we have here Normandygirl.

Well Mr. S. got all the carpets fitted in the flat today; impressive isn't he. He took pics and it looks fab. Furniture, cooker, fridge and washing machine are being delivered Thursday so we're going Friday to get the inside set up and will stay there.

We've got a lot of things to buy so are doing that Saturday and will take everything through Monday afternoon, ready to unpack and sort when we're there.

We're almost there now and this last bit is the best bit of all .

Hugs I am so sorry your chained has broken. When my first buyer pulled out I had almost finished all my packing as we where exchanging on the Friday and completing on the Monday or Tuesday can't remember know. I had to unpack a few things.

But I found when I had viewings start again peopled liked the fact they good see the true size of the rooms as had gotten rid of all my excess furniture and the boxes where in the children's rooms. The shed was empty and only a few boxes in the garage neatly put to one side.

I hope your feel well enough soon to start the viewings again. Does that mean you can't buy the property you where ? I was lucky they keep the bungalow for me.

DerbyshireLass I thought no news was good news with my first buyer but then realised no news was a worry. You have to keep phoning estate agent and solicitor to see how things are going that way they then pester the other person's solicitor and down the chain.

Normandygirl I wish we had the French or Scottish system. Life would have been so much simpler. I even after my second buyer pulled out wrote to my MP. She past it on to the housing department who emailed me and said they have no intention of changing the rules for England and Wales property selling and buying.

Hope you have a treat lined up for Mr S Smiles after all his hard work. My front door is getting harder to lock and unlocked so had to contact the man who fitted it. I realised I had it done 3 years ago next month as he was fitting it when the kitchen was being built. Time flies.

Allsorts I am looking forward 2 years before I can have a holiday. But if the bills go up further may be 3 before I can afford it. Haven't had a holiday since 2005. And only then because of promised my husband I would go. Did a lot of firsts those 4 days in York. Funny really it was my first holiday on my own at the age of 46.

Craft group was fun as usual. There was a piece someone had written on Instagram and one of our group read it out it was called the Queue. It was just about the queue not the people by the queue itself and all the rules it was very funny.

Will get into the garden later and do some more weeding and cutting down ready for the winter. Wouldn't surprise me if we don't have a bad one because of how hot it got. I am back into my vests and autumn/ spring pj top. Think it will be thick tights soon.

Take care all.

Well I'm not going to worry about anything.......

It's been two weeks since my son and I had "the conversation". But, so far, nothing has changed much......no text, no phone call, nothing. Well if that's the way he wants it.......I'm not going to sit it here wallowing in self pity, wishing and hoping for some contact. Im done with all that. Im Just going to crack on with my own doings and leave them to it.

Same with house move. It's out of my hands, I'll chase the EA and solicitor next week but again I'm not going to fret. Que sera.

And now I going to have a little brag.

I have lost another 2lb, so have now hit that magic half stone marker, and more importantly my blood sugar levels are coming down too. Whiff like you advised I'm also taking my measurements. I was astonished to see I've lost 3 inches off my waist already.

Wahoo. ?

I know it sounds trivial but it's given me such a boost. My head is really in a good place now. I've stopped all that ruminating about my son. I have finally reached "radical acceptance". I can move on now. Yes I'll be happy to see him when he deigns to visit but I am not going to put my life on hold and I will not be organising my calendar to leave weekends free just in case they find themselves at a loose end and want to visit. I am fed up with being on the "B List". ?.

It think it was Smiles who said losing weight and getting fitter is the one thing I can control at the moment so that will be my focus. Everything else is out of my hands for now so I'll just go with the flow and divert my time and energies to self care, decluttering and a bit more socialising.

Right time to get cracking, some exercise, breakfast, go for a walk and then crack in with some garden and sling more stuff into the skip.

Im really enjoying chucking stuff out, it's so liberating.

DerbyshireLass brilliant weight loss and inches. I found moving house very stressful but it was well worth it. As I found me again. Ok lost my son and 3 grandson's but that was his choice not mine. But I have gained so much more than I ever thought I could have . The biggest plus is I finally have a diagnosis for what's wrong with me and having the tablet to stop my limb jerks and seizures.If I still lived in the Midlands still wouldn't know.

Love this new you full of get up and go . Doing what you want and not living your life on hold worrying if you are going to be estranged or not.

Was going into the garden but fell asleep straight after my breakfast so it's safer if I stay in today. Walked into a metal barrier yesterday. I was going on a straight line or so I thought but must have veered off. But at least didn't hurt myself. ?.

My front door has been sticking and the chap who fitted it 3 years ago next month has been and adjusted and oiled it. Asked how much and said no charge. That's what the tradesmen are like up here .

Enjoy your decluttering and skip filling.

Fantastic with the weight loss DSL - such an encouragement!

Just returned from a short break with son and dil. We had a lovely time, but I found myself worrying. I'm sure our dil isn't like those some of you have encountered, but when you experience estrangement it does play on your mind. I also find holidays, when you have time to think, can bring up sad emotions. Is always a person in the family missing, and you wish it wasn't so. I have to remember though this is what EC felt they needed to do, and be content that they are building their own hopefully happy and fulfilled life. I want, and try, to be happy for them, even whilst feeling heartbroken.

Hugs - so sorry to hear about the house move. Hope next week brings better news. Well done Smiles (Mr Smiles) on the work on the flat. I'm sure it will be fun making it cosy and choosing the decor.

How kind of your handyman Whiff! I love it when people show generosity, be it in small or big ways. It really does make life that bit gentler and kinder.

Well - with the holiday still managed to lose 1lb, but the work on losing a stone begins in earnest now!

Have a good day everyone!

I cooked him one of his favourite dinners, cottage pie made with what was left over from a joint of beef, does that count Whiff?

Half a stone and 3 inches off your waist; way to go DSL you'll be a shadow of your former self before long. I enjoy slinging out rubbish too, it's rather empowering isn't it and there's that great sense of achievement when the job is done.

It does play on your mind Spring because with no contact you have no idea what's going on and if every things OK and they're happy.

Glad you enjoyed your break away.

Morning everyone. It's sunny here but very chilly and I'm looking forward to today's shopping spree as we buy what we need for our flat. A long list as we'll be giving Air B&B a go.

We're not looking at making money, just enough to cover costs as after all the hard work and expense, selling isn't an option and there's no way we'll ever risk having a tenant.

So that's our day planned. What are the rest of you getting up too today?