Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

Good morning. thanks for the comments, it's gone pretty quiet here. I think she was shocked at "mad granny" turning up lol.

She's booked into a hospital now, and booked in for a scan next week, so I'm hoping the staff pick up on her behaviour. She was in care for most of her childhood, so they must have a file on her.

GS has told her they won't be living together - that's what kicked off the drama at the weekend. He knows he's got to financially support the child (if it's his) and he'd like contact, but that's it.

Meanwhile, I've had our decorator in, and had a new cooker delivered, as my old one died on me.

More expense...?

It's a nice cooker, but they seem to make everything "over gadgety" now - I won't use half the functions.

I, luckily, fixed our fuel bills for two years, last Autumn, and apparently our current direct debits will be fine for this winter.

Let's hope something is sorted out soon with the cost of living.

Anyway, hope you all have a nice day ?

You're right DSL the news is dire. I'm finding all of this more worrying than when it was all about Covid.

I know what you mean about hating being at the mercy of other peoples timescales. It's bad enough being at the mercy, or should that be lack of mercy from our AC children isn't it.

Don't worry about the lack of progress. It's always slow though I've never understood why and it can seem to be taking longer than it actually is, if that makes sense, because you just want to get on with and get on with the next chapter in your life.

Well I've had a good two days. Caught up with the treasurer stuff that's built up while we've been away so feeling rather pleased with myself.

Mr. S. has finished the rest of the laminate flooring in the entrance and it looks fab; well of course it does .

Good Morning everyone.

DL what a nightmare. I agree you certainly deserve your WQ crown. I am in awe. I tend to agree with others here, probably best to get some professional help and advice on how to proceed further.

Yogin....I can barely comprehend the cruelty in stealing someone's identity that way. The poor child.

What is it with these cruel, spiteful, vindictive people who would stoop so slow as to even steal a child's true identity. They are treating poor innocent children as pawns on a chessboard. Just because they have no voice and cannot defend themselves. I think it's cruel, wicked and evil. To deprive children of extended families, grandparents, aunts and uncles and bring them up in isolation is bad enough but then to change their name so they have no hope of tracing their families in future. It's monstrous.

Oh my but the news is so dire at the moment, every which way you turn its doom and gloom everywhere, not just here in the U.K. but on a global scale. The world economy in free fall, energy chaos, droughts across Europe and China, floods in Pakistan, the war in Ukrain......it just goes on and on. It definitely feels like are heading for a 70s style winter, even down to the rubbish piling up on the streets in Edinburgh because of strikes.

I lived through it then and am not relishing the prospect of having to go through it all again, but we can do it, we can survive. We are not being bombed and we have homes that are still standing. It's not going to be a barrel of laughs but we will get through it.

Hopefully our EACs won't be too proud to reach out to us if they get into difficulties. Maybe the hardships that lie ahead will help them appreciate just how much they were loved, cherished, protected and even cosseted by their parents and families. Because I believe most parents did exactly that.....we protected them, nurtured them and kept them safe. We showered them with love and attention, often shielding them from some of life's harsh realities, simply because that's what loving, caring parents do. Maybe as they battle through what lies ahead they will finally see that all we ever did was love them and do our best for them.

So many EACs have been so quick to criticise us for our mistakes, never stopping to think about the difficulties we might have encountered along the way. Maybe we did too good a job of shielding them.

Like many people of my generation I wanted my children to have an easier life than I had to cope with. I often wonder if my generations greatest crime against our children is that we were too successful at protecting them from some of the harsher realities of life. Well they are about to find out just how hard life can be.

Once I have moved I am going to see what I can do in the way of helping out in my local community. In the meantime I will ensure that I donate regularly to food banks, even if it's just a couple of items every time I go food shopping. Ok it's not much in the grand scheme of things but better than nothing.

No fresh news on the moving front. Chased the EA this Morning. I am a bit concerned at the lack of progress but she assures me that there's no need to worry, everything is just taking longer than it used to. ?. No real explanation.....just "it is what it is" and that "no news is good news". Well try as I'm might I can't speed things up so in the meantime I've booked a skip. I can at least crack on with the decluttering - be proactive and do something productive with my time.

I hate being at the mercy of other peoples timescales .....??.

Have a good day everyine.,...the sun is shining. We need to make the last of the good weather, let's hope for an Indian summer and a mild winter.

He may be the father, mum says he is is I suppose the correct approach
I’ve known similar conflicts where a dad found by Child support agency, had dna thst confirmed he was birth dad. It had been a one night stand
Mum was initially supported, she was known to children services. Baby in foster care. Dad asked to be assessed / he was approved, child now ten and happy living with dad. A remarkable young man with a lovely family
Rare though

I think it's sad when children don't know their extended family Whiff. Cousins, aunts, uncles and GP's were a big part of my life and it was the same for our boys. All we know for certain is our GC see their maternal GM, don't know if they see their GF, and unless things have changed they wont be.

That's onsies out for me then, usually twice a night and three times does happen too from time to time.

When a birth certificate has been sealed due to a legal adoption agnurse is it not available to the adopted child when they're old enough so if they want too, they can trace their birth parents?

I think we all feel the cold more as we get older Allsorts and for many, having been used to having a warm home 24/7 this winter is going to be a bit of a shock.

Good suggestion Iam, DL's GS contacting the children and families team telling them he's the father. I wasn't aware that was an option for him.

Well we're going to get some warm night ware. I was thinking about getting a dressing gown and then remembered I already have one. I got it at Universal Studios in Florida It has 'Bates Hotel' embroidered on the front and a 'splash of blood'.

Had choir practice last night, first one for a month and really enjoyed it. We're preparing for yet another concert next month and are doing some Andrew Lloyd Weber pieces which is good and makes a change from the serious pieces although we're doing some of those too.

Quite a bit of rain here last night but the sun is out this morning. Have a good day everyone.

What a stressful incident DiamondLily. It sounds as though it needs calming down, though with a volatile, impulsive young woman and a young man clearly out of his depth - where to start.
Your grandson may be wise to contact the children and families team to inform them she says he’s the father. From what you’ve said, she’s well known and a pre birth assessment should happen. Keep a log of incidents like this.
If the baby is considered at serious risk, the father and his family will be approached. Calm heads needed as I know you know

DL I know it's hard, but the girl, the father to be, their parents need to sit down with a person as mediator, as to how to proceed. The father to be can't even have a conversation with her, he's got to man up and say he can ever have a relationship with her but will help with childcare, which would be limited because of income. It's not the grandparents responsibility at this stage. If she won't comply then he has no option but to put a restraining order and a complaint for harassment with the police, he should tell her that but never be on his own with her now..This is the rest of his life it will affect and techs to get this on a sound footing.She obviously has serious mental health issues and is tipping over the edge. Unfortunately in these times there's little help out there. This will probably put him off the fairer sex for a very long time. There us now at they can ever be OK as a couple he would be digging a hole to big to climb out of. It's every is parents nightmare, different if they are a committed couple whatever age and have family there for them.
Whiff remember those times so well, but we coped, the children don't think it affected them to much, tried to go on as normal, used a paraffin fire occasionally, but smell was horrible and lots of candles, early nights and clothes on the beds as well as the hot water bottles, it was constant planning. Feel the cold more and on my own now and dread what's to come but it will pass as everything does. Feel so much for young families what a few years it's been for them and now this. I consider myself and people my age lucky the times we were born in to. I will help the younger people in my family get through in whatever way I can.

DiamondLily you have earned your warrior queen status complete with fur cape, chariot and spear. Your family are very lucky to have you riding to their rescue. If she carries on this way she is in danger of having the baby taken into care once it's born. I can't imagine she acts any differently with anyone else. Are the rest of her family as bad ?

What a nightmare situation for daughter and son in law. Bet your grandson has learnt his lesson safe sex at all times.

I may be old fashioned in my views but I think family history is important . I suppose it's because my mom knew all her great aunt's and uncles etc and told the history to me which I told our children. Unfortunately my husband knew very little about his extended family. In fact it was only after he died his mom told me family stories . But she still denied she had a son or grandchildren.

My brother only considers family as close family not extended.

It's sad my grandson's have be cut off from knowing family. All they know is their parents and one nannie. My daughter in law's brother and sister don't live in this country . Their dad is estranged from them all.

My other grandson's are lucky they have 2 nannies and a grandad,cousins,aunt and uncle plus extended family on my son on laws side. Of course my brother and sister in law . Do think it's funny they are great aunt and great uncle.

Onesies are ok as long as you don't need to got to the loo 2-3 times a night like me. Your top half would get cold . My granddad always wore long johns even in the summer months. A friend of mine in fact she was my old English teacher who after she retired we became friends wore woolly hat ,gloves and bed socks in the winter had a duvet and old fashioned eider down on her bed.

This winter think we are going to have to act like we did when the miners strike was on and electricity was off for so many hours a day and people went to bed early as the power cut off at 10pm until 6am . Then was on for so many hours and cut off during the afternoon. Remember well my parents working a 3 day week. Had to go too school 3 times a week and sit in the science labs with coats on and Bunsen burners on because I was in the top stream. My brother only had to go once a week to fetch homework.

I can see more people dieing from cold this winter because they will be frightened to heat their homes also as it's been such a hot summer think we are due for a bad winter.

Don't forget there is a postal strike again today. On that doom and gloom notice better shut up. ?

If a child has been legally adopted their original birth certificate may have been sealed.

Is it even legal to have another Birth Certificate?

Miss Dysfunctional sounds like she needs some Social Care input maybe obviously not managing her emotions too well.
Hope everyone has had a better day now the BH is over and routine and normality helping. It certainly helps me.

Good grief DL . You handled a very difficult situation brilliantly, well done. This really is a nightmare situation isn't it and as you say, it's not going to get any easier.

Not good for any of you and particularly for the baby she's carrying, you must all feel at your wits end.

I knew you'd all be amused DSL . He's a good laugh and is quite happy for me to share these little gems and give you all a chuckle too.

I hope you're feeling a little better today. Bank holidays are hard as we think about families getting together and also look back to happier times. You've been in and out of no man's land so many times. It's so cruel the way you have been, and continue to be treated.

You've made a great and courageous start on building your new life .

I'm glad it made you laugh Hugs. He's also been on line looking at various onesies and if there's one thing for certain, depending on what we chose, we could spend the entire winter laughing at one another!!!

Well if I could knit, I would Allsorts but I can't , well I can but the results are not good. Not even good enough for things we could wear around the house that no one else would see.

I see great things for the dogs to wear, especially in the run up to Christmas but all the ones I really like, Mr. S. says 'I'm not taking them out in those'!!!

How on earth did they manage that Yogin? Sorry, don't know what to say really it's so shocking .

Hope you all had a reasonable weekend - mine was ok until early Sunday evening.

DD, SIL, GD her BF, and some friends had gone "wild" camping, in the depths of nowhere, which meant no phone signal.

The three GS's stayed home, with instructions that no one was to go to or stay in the house.

All good.

Sunday afternoon, all hell broke loose. Miss Dysfunctionality had turned up, causing murders on the doorstep, and youngest GS (the father to be), let her in. ?

The older two told her to go, as ructions were kicking off. She refused, and they didn't know what to do.

They went in the garden and phoned me for help.

I told them to go to a neighbours house (a friend), out of the way, and I'd go over to sort it out. This girl has a history of making false allegations, and I had visions of her calling the police, and real problems resulting from it.

Three men and her in a house- she could have said anything.

So, over I went, let myself in. She and GS were just yelling and shouting at each other.

I told her to go. She started to argue with me, but I just told her I wasn't interested, summoned an Uber to take her to the nearest main line station, and told her I'd call the police, as she was trespassing and causing a breach of the peace, if she didn't get in it and clear off.

So, she was still issuing threats, in between screaming and swearing, of sending "people" round later that night.

But, she went.?

I retrieved the oldest two from the neighbours, gave her a bottle of wine to thank her, and sat the 3 GS down and told them to not answer the door. They have a Ring doorbell, so they can see who's there.

If anyone turned up, just call the police. Don't answer it, don't get in a fight. Just call the police.

I texted DD, so she'd get it when she got near a phone signal, and went home.

DD and SIL came back early yesterday, she was so upset.

Calmed her down, told her it was dealt with - I wasn't arguing with the dozy mare. ?

But, it's not going to get easier.?

They had another birth certificate made Smiles I thought I had the original in my safety box, but it wasn't there when I checked. I ordered another, this one gave my GD's first name, my first name as her middle one and then stepdad's surname, so GD would still wonder why her middle name is different. I phoned the records department up and asked for the original BC and they said that would have been permanently replaced by the second one! Terrible! and yes illegal, so if my GD traced her family tree, she would be looking at the wrong one!

Smileless how about getting your knitting needles out and make balaclavas, his and hers, perhaps with matching mittens. Of course you have to remember your pets, do they need onesies? I have bought two pairs of micro fleece pyjamas and matching hot water bottles, I look very large in them though and with those and my Sherpa type mid calf slippers and a dressing gown I doubt I will move very far. I did think of a onesie but a bit too much like Andy Pandy wore.

Smileless2012

So Mr. S. and I have just been discussing how to cope with what could be according to our energy provider, eye watering energy bills.

He said we could have several additional layers on the bed to keep us warm at night, which I said would be OK but what about my face. I don't want my face to be cold. He rolled his eyes and, you're not going to believe this, said 'well we could put a bag over your head' .

Do you think that as it's our 42nd wedding anniversary next week he could be getting a bit cocky?

Naughty Mr S. Sorry, I shouldn't laugh but I can't help it. He sounds just like Mr Hugs.
I love my Oodie for keeping warm and electric throw. Going to get another for Mr H.
Another flying visit. Sorry.
? ? ? ?

DerbyshireLass where I used to live I existed but since my move 3 years ago live my life to the full. Lost my son and grandson's but that's his choice. But that's the only minus everything else has been a big plus.

Doesn't matter how old we get we can still do new things. And I know the help I have had from the support thread has got me through the toughest times.

It's hard to see your way through the pain of estrangement but you learn to live with it. It overwhelms me at times and I have wobbles. But with everyone's help I get through it until the next time.

Socks knowing others understand how you are feeling helps as it's very lonely when you think you are the only one it's happened to. I and others have said before estranged has been a taboo subject for far to long.

At least here it's out of the shadows and is given an airing.

Sorry just read my post back....so many mistakes but don't know how to edit them.

Good old Mr S, that made me chuckle.

Tbh the chuckles have been a bit thin on the ground today. Feel very low. Probably because it's a bank holiday and I remember the bank holidays kf years gine by, when mynhusband was alive and we had happy times with our boys,

Who would ever have though our eldest boy could have done this to me..........he's broken my heart.

Oh well.....just need to build myself a new life. No idea what it will be like but I determined it will be better than the one I have now.

It's not living, it's just existing. And it's not good enough.

You're very welcome Socks. Sorry that you need us but glad that you found us .

Thank you. Sending my love to you all. I'm sorry we are here but so glad I found you all. Wise words and knowing the pain the good days and difficult ones. I'd be lost without you all.

I knew it would Whiff. When I started typing away just after he'd said it he said 'you're not putting that on GN' and I said 'too right I am'.

Smiles you do make me laugh. Thank you for that. ❤️

Yogin how awful . Why would anyone do that ?

I just watched Ridley as I was watching it last night and feel asleep so only watched a bit. I won't give the twist away incase someone is going to watch it. But what got me at the end Ridley phones his house phoned and listens to his deceased wife saying they aren't home and to leave a message. I suddenly realised I have nothing with my husband's voice on. I haven't been able to hear his voice in my head since he died. I remember how he said things and still see him but not hear him.

I can't watch videos of my grandson's because I can hear my son's voice ironic isn't it. Would give anything to hear my husband. But such is life. ?

So Mr. S. and I have just been discussing how to cope with what could be according to our energy provider, eye watering energy bills.

He said we could have several additional layers on the bed to keep us warm at night, which I said would be OK but what about my face. I don't want my face to be cold. He rolled his eyes and, you're not going to believe this, said 'well we could put a bag over your head' .

Do you think that as it's our 42nd wedding anniversary next week he could be getting a bit cocky?

I'm in s dark pit of despair just about sums it up Yogin.

I wonder what she'll make of it all when she grows up, I mean she's bound to find out because at some point she's going to need her birth certificate and there it will be, in black and white.

'Oh what a tangled web we weave when at first we seek to deceive^