Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

Jaffa what an awful position your older daughter has put you in. I told both my children it was up to them who they invited to their weddings. It's your younger daughter's day, a day she and her fiance have saved for and put a lot into making special for them.

You need to protect yourself from your older daughter and it's horrible to have to protect yourself from a child you have given unconditional love and cherished. That's why as much as I have wanted to send my grandson's presents and cards for birthdays etc I won't. I will not give my son chance to hurt me anymore than he has.

If your daughter does estranged you completely it will be awful but as much as estrangement hurts you can find a way to cope. And as always it's the grandchildren that suffer especially at their ages. At least my grandson's that knew me will have forgotten me by now and their brother I have never met.

You have health problems and coping with a bladder infection you have to put yourself first and get as well as you can . Hope you have got a special outfit to wear for the wedding. Just consentrate and getting fit for it. And have a wonderful time .

Derbyshire has coping strategies she has used regarding her son and daughter in law don't know if you read back some pages they might help you.

Yogin that's why I knew I had to have a bungalow. It was a fear of mine that I would lose my balance and fall down the stairs even though I had 2 handrails to hold on to. A friend of my brother's was going through the menopause and fainted at the top of the stairs and broken her neck and died. That's why I am so glad my brother and sister in law have moved to a bungalow as well. My sister in law's MS is getting worse but being in the bungalow has made life easier and safer for her . Plus like you have probably found living on one level keeps the heating costs down. I like my pard down life. No clutter just need to get my craft buying habit down it's only for cross stitch but have had to start a new box for my magazines . ?.

Smiles glad the valuation on the flat has gone up and it's all looking lovely. Well worth all the hard work.

Need a cuppa know. This is the badge I made my grandson. I can't cut a straight line even with a metal ruler. But it wouldn't be me if I could. ?

Sorry Jaffa, missed you because we were both posting. Hope things turn out better with your daughter than you expect.

I would tell your daughter that it's not your call who gets invited to your younger DH's wedding and let them worry about their feud. Just say you can't intervene between them. They are adults.

Hope you feel better soon.

Oh dear, sorry you hurt yourself Whiff. So sorry you can only wish your GS a happy birthday in your heart. The yellow truck badge was a lovely idea. Good luck with the PIP. It's so unfair that the process is so awkward.

OH goodness, what an awful accident Yogin. Life really can change instantly in ways we cannot envisage.

I think my DD would have made a great mum, too smiles but her health and disability issues make that too difficult. Brilliant news on the flat valuation.

Not much happening here atm. Nice knit and natter over zoom with my DD yesterday. Bit of pottering. Lot of rain.

Morning all. I posted on this thread a year ago when I had problems with my daughter who was angry that I wouldn't help her by being a guarantor on her mortgage. I'm a pensioner so wouldn't have been eligible anyway but didn't stop her using me as an emotional punchbag.
Since then we have seen each other every few weeks but I have distanced myself mentally as self protection. But I do like to keep the relationship with my 2 grandchildren who are 7 and 5.
Things are brewing and I am feeling anxious about how the next month will play out.
My younger daughter is getting married in november. A small wedding which I am really looking forward to. However she is estranged from her sister as she says her behaviour to me over the years is toxic and abusive. She is not invited to the wedding. She is furious and has asked me to take the kids as they would enjoy it. I have explained that I can't as they are not invited and wouldn't work without their mother with them. On a selfish note I don't want the responsibility of looking after them as it would change the whole dynamics of a reception with only 14 people attending.
Not sure how to get through this. Any thoughts ladies and advice ?
My health isn't great ,have an auto immune disorder and have now gone down with a bladder infection. Think stress is affecting me.

Good morning.

Hope you're OK after your fall Whiff. As Yogin says, it's a good job you live in a bungalow.

What's the point of having an assessor if they don't listen to what they're being told. Your frustration levels must be going through the roof.

Our GC's birthdays are hard aren't they when we can only think about what they might be doing and what they look like. Being involved in their primary school activities was something we were looking forward too but it just wasn't meant to be.

DS is unlikely to be a dad which I do think is a shame because he'd have made a great one.

It's frightening how easy it can be to have an accident which results in life changing injuries Yogin. That poor woman, bad enough without her husband leaving her and their child. There was a legal secretary at one of the legal firms my brother worked for, whose D became a paraplegic after breaking her neck when she fell out of bed.

Got back home yesterday and we're both laughing at one another as our bodies are stiff after all our hard work. We're like a couple of old biddies.

Good news is we had another valuation before we left and have more than doubled the money it's taken to get the flat looking lovely again.

Food shopping today and that'll be the extent of any physical activity.

Morning all

Sorry to hear about your fall Whiff. Good job you moved to a bungalow, so of danger of falling down the stairs! Heard so many stories of people doing that, some dying, some breaking their back or neck! That's why I'm pleased I no longer have stairs. Where I've just moved from there was/is a young woman in the next rd. who was larking about with her H, he gave her a piggyback down the stairs, fell, and she became a paraplegic! He left her afterwards with a small child, tragic!

Hugs hope Mr H is back to normal self and your house sale is back on.

Smiles glad all the jobs are done. You both need to relax for a bit now.

Bitter sweet day. My pain is finally back to its normal levels. But yesterday had a fall in my hall luckily didn't go all the way down managed to save myself on the radiator but now how massive bruise on my right thigh.

Today is my eldest grandsons 6th birthday. Wished him happy birthday but of course he will never know. It hurts so much that I can't send he a present or card. Especially as over the last month been getting presents for my daughter's 2 boys both birthday and Christmas. The youngest's birthday is next month and his brothers January.

Another year of wishing things where different but my son choose this not me. Hope he is happy with his choice. Whether my grandson's will forgive their parents when they are older is anyone's guess. I know how much my children loved having my parents in their life. And how much fun my other 2 grandson's have with me and their grandad and other nannie.

My daughter's youngest said nannie when they came to fetch me on Saturday but didn't say a word when we where together. Had a lovely time and went on the playground. The eldest showed me how the gym equipment works no idea how he moved some of the things as I couldn't move them with my hand . Would have fallen off them if I tried.

My daughter text Wednesday and asked if I have any yellow wool or ribbon as my grandson has to wear something yellow at school next week. So I have made him a yellow truck badge. Will send a picture today to see if he likes it . All ready made some coasters and fridge magnets for his Christmas fair.

My parents loved all the events at the kids primary school. Dad always run a plant stall at the summer one he supplied all the plants . All the money went to the school. When my son started school another man had a plant stall but was only going to give a percentage to the school. My dad tore a strip off him . He packed up and left and never came back the following year.

My parents would be heart broken to know what their oldest grandson has done. Even when dementia took my mom she still remembered the name of her great grandson and the last week of her life she wanted him and asked everyday for him . May have been because he was a baby that she remembered him.

Last week at craft we had 2 visitors young men from the church of Jesus and latter day saints ( Mormons) both where 19 one from Utah and one from the East Midlands. What a difference between the different nationalities. The American I thought was in his mid 20's he was so much more confident. We where on our best behaviour. They wanted to see what we did. Pleasant to talk to if you discounted the references to Jesus. Told them I was an atheist don't think they knew what to say to that.

We where talking about their visit yesterday. We where back to our normal topics of conversation.

Booked a blood test for next week ,flu jab the week after and phone appointment with my GP and Covid booster the week after.

Had my copy of the assessment for the PIP on Monday took until Wednesday to go through it all and sent my solicitor all the things she got wrong via email. Posted a copy of it to her yesterday as the library has a photographer only 10p a copy. I was on the phone to the assessor for hour and 46 minutes took her 38 mins to write her report. I knew she hadn't listened to me. Every page their was multiple mistakes. She kept on about a bath. I haven't had a bath since I was 14 I couldn't get out my arms gave way mom had to help me out. Sent my solicitor photos of my shower room . I am fed up with reading reports of how you can get PIP and how much easier it is to get it. Do you know Ulkraine nationals can get it how the hell can they get it when they haven't paid a penny into the country. Plus all the other benefits they can get. People who work and paid taxes and NI are fighting like me to get help . There are tens of thousands of us. Makes me so mad.

I know other countries need help . But it's about time they put the people who live here and paid their way first and stop sending money abroad. Stop all the big companies making huge profits. If they stopped that the bills needn't go up so much. Rant over.

Had hoped to go into the garden today but will stay inside and clean the bungalow.

Hope you are all ok.

Glad you've got on top of those jobs Smiles. It's true those small jobs do take a lot of time. I'm afraid I'm more likely to turn the air blue than Mr Hugs when they are going badly.

Good evening everyone. Just been catching up with your posts and apologies for not having been on for several days but we've been working non stop at our flat and apart from 3 small jobs for Mr. S. to do tomorrow, we've get everything done that we'd planned.

Small jobs seem to take up so much time and when it came to painting the outside, some of the walls were in a bad state and needed a lot of work before we could begin slapping on the m paint.

We do work well together and had a laugh trying to assemble the shed we bought today. The air was blue because apparently Mr. S. works better with copious amounts of swearing .

We thought it was never going to go together but got there in the end, as we normally do .

Feeling a lot more settled here now, helped in no small part from the wise words of support you gave me after my last post, so thank you all.

Lol, I can imagine how your DH put it Whiff. 3rd time Mr Hugs has had one, though a good few years since the last, and it's certainly no fun.

Your coffee and cake outing sounds lovely.

I need to get back to exercising and back on the diet. I've been stress eating and been too distracted to do all the good stuff.

The craft session sounds like a lot of fun too.

Yes. We've just been told the house that fell through has a new buyer. No details as yet. Fingers crossed again.

Glad Mr Hugs is on the mend. Before we got married my husband had a kidney stone. They gave him something to break it up and he said it was like weeing razor blades for a couple of days. Well I have put it more politely than he did.

I have said before there are only 2 certainties in life we are born we die the rest we just have to get through the best way we can. I have wobbles but am stubborn and have a temper . But funny enough not lost my temper at anyone since my husband died. I have shouted ,swore and blamed him for things since he died but it's just done at home then I see him with that stupid grin on his face.

Had a surprise outing yesterday. My daughter asked if I wanted to got out with them for coffee and cake. I am always up for an outing. My son in law was at the football and it was a sunny afternoon. Funny how both my grandson's know exactly where the coffee shops are . Not bad for a 4.5 and nearly 2 year old. I walk like a toddler with a walking stick . Yesterday I walked holding the hand of a toddler we must have looked comical . Then to the playground afterwards. The eldest then showed me how the outdoor gym equipment worked. Some looked like torture equipment. Funny enough I have never seen an adult use them at any park I have been to only children.

Hopefully the weather isn't to wet this week need to cut lot down in the garden and start walking in my local park a couple of days a week . Must do my exercises at home now my exercise class has finished. One of our instructors has left the council and set up a class but it will take hour and half on the bus. Not worth it for a hours lesson. There is a lady who runs a group not far from me but has been ill for a couple of months. Have been in contact and she will let me know when she is back at work. So will join that . It's not just the exercise that does me good but the social side.

We had 2 visitors to our craft group. The librarian asked if it was ok for them to come. Two young men who where Mormons doing their mission. They hadn't come to preach to us which is a good job. But just to see what we did. One was from the East Midlands and the other Utah. Both 19 but what a difference between an American and British 19 year old. We where on our best behaviour as our group can get a bit racy as we talk about anything and everything. They liked my biscuits so did everyone else. Funny enough it was the British lad that came from a large family not the American. Some of our group had been to different states in America and there was talk about the differences there and here. Found out that Mormon men do a 2 year mission but woman are only allowed to do a year to 18 months. Apparently woman are expected to marry and have children. Typical male dominance is still alive and kicking within religion.

Hopefully you are all doing ok. The nights are drawing in and autumn is definitely here. But only have my heating on for 2 hours of a morning just to take the chill off.

Hope the flat is nearly finished now Smiles and your choir practice going well ready for your concert.

Hugs have you found another buyer? And DerbyshireLass have you had a completion date yet?

Well better finish my ramble . Take care everyone.

I love a lentil and whatever soup whiff - I often chuck all the last bits of salad from the fridge in. I admire the way you shrug off your difficulties and just adapt to whatever is thrown at you.

Mr Hugs has just had a kidney stone so been at hospital most of last few days but he's on the mend now.

Yogin I make a lentil and whatever soup for my lunches. I make enough for 6 lunches. The veg depends what I have either in fresh or frozen. Have made a batch using frozen cauliflower, broccoli and sprouts tasted great. I always like mint in my soup.

Got a chicken stew cooking at the moment. 3 chicken thighs ,pearl barley and plenty of veg. That's my next 6 dinners.

I cook like this as I am never the same 2 days running and couldn't cook a fresh meal from scratch daily. But as there is only me it works. I always have healthy meals in the fridge.

I love dumplings but haven't made any since I started on my weight loss journey 5 years ago.

Because I can't use a dinner knife any to cut things. Food I can eat with a spoon and fork is ideal for me.

Honestly I sound like an old crock?.

Raining here again so have jobs I can do inside.

Postal strike today and tomorrow. But post offices are open.

Lovely veggies Whiff I make a veggie stew with dumplings in the wintertime, so think it's time now, foggy here today.

I too put all pics of my estranged GC&D away. Before I moved, I did have a couple up, but in a place that wasn't in easy sight. When we opened the box of pics after moving my son took out one of my lovely estGC, very cute that I had on my bedroom bookcase, my son was surprised when I told him to put it back in the box. He may get it now as he has just been cut out too!

Spring it's my way of getting a treat. Still trying to lose the last stone and bit. I love baking but daren't keep it here as I will eat the lot. But by making to give away I just have a biscuit or piece of cake and not put weight on. Even if any is left over I never bring it home. There are always someone who will take some home. I am glad to say. Three of my crafter's asked for some of my recipes a few months ago. I do lots of short cuts because I cant do some things my hands won't let me.

Hey Whiff - I bet you’re a really popular member of your exercise class and craft group. What lovely treats you bake for them ?.

Allsorts the only pictures I have up are my son's eldest 2. One in the living room the last one I had in April 2020 and 8 pictures in a frame in my bedroom . All the pictures off my son and daughter in law I put into a cupboard after he sent that letter alone with all the cards and presents back up opened in August 2020. My grandson's are innocent in all this and I know they won't look like their photos now I like to remember them as they where.

When I play with my daughter's boys and see what they do and say I know my other grandson's are doing the same things as all 5 of them are close in age.

All that's happened has been his choice and my daughter in law's. I didn't decide one day I no longer had a son and his family but he did. He decided he had no mom or any other family. Just his and his mother in law who as far as I know still lives with them. Which always has been to me wrong. It means my 3 grandson's are in a double bedroom. As all the bedrooms are doubles in their house.

Home you enjoyed making your dinners. I made a large batch of soup for my next 6 lunches. My Oddbox arrived today. Happy with the selection. Every 2 weeks its like Christmas opening the box to see what I have got.

Need to go out to craft early today as I have some photocopies to do then post before we start. Would hate to miss out on everyone's news. Made choc chip biscuits to take today.

Waterproof trousers weather today.

I regret all the years I agonised over things I couldn't change but thought I could.
I have had to take certain pictures down as they made me fill up. Everyone's different I know in that respect.
Very wet and breezy here so think I will concoct a few meals, one for tonight and three to freeze, making 12 in all.

Spring I know how much the support threads have helped me and without that support I don't think I could cope. As been said before estrangement is a living bereavement. It's like when dementia killed my mom but her body still lived on. Estrangement killed the son I knew. He and my grandson's are still alive but I no longer know them but do love them very much. But I am not the same mom he knew both physically and mentally. Over the last 2.5 years since I last saw him my life has altered so much. Having my HPX diagnosed and my PAF my whole life has been turned upside down. I miss him and my grandson's everyday but missing my husband hurts far worse that's a pain that has only gotten worse as the years go by. And still feel half of me is missing. But I cope. I promised him to live the best life I can and do.

I have a photo on my mantel piece of my daughter's eldest in his school uniform and well aware there should be 3 pictures of my grandson's in school uniforms. As my son's eldest 2 are both at school now.

It's so sad it is our grandchildren are the losers in all this and they don't even know it. My son's eldest has probably forgotten me by now he will be 6 in October, his brother is 4 and the little one I have never seen is 2. But I am lucky I get to see my daughter and 2 grandson's every week.

Well remember Ratners . Glad you are still happily married Spring.

Oh Smileless I so identify with how you felt. We have come away for a few days….felt able to breathe again, but just got a text from my sibling saying are expecting their first g child. Delighted for them of course, but also hurts so much when think of gc we don’t get to see. Estrangement feels like something we never escape or get over. Is a grief we just have to try to learn to live with, but at times is so overwhelming and so very hard.
And there are times when I feel nothing but complete despair and agonising pain.
So grateful you all here understand, as no one else, even our EC, have any idea.
Whiff - we bought my engagement ring from Ratners 3 weeks before a director there said everything they sold was ‘crap’. Still happily married!

Morning all

I did say seems like 1 in 3, that's my take on it, not an official quote but must be a high percentage.

Allsorts the £300 heating allowance I thought was for people who get state pension I may be wrong. But I am 64 so another 2 years before I get my state pension. Thank you for the reassurance about the £66 for 6 months .

Had a phone call late yesterday afternoon from a solicitor the brain charity had contacted to help with my tribunal. Had a lovely chat and the young woman is going to help me. Will send the form for me to sign so they can get their copy of the bundle and prepare a case for me. She said what others have even without a diagnosis I should have had benefits years ago because of my symptoms.

Went to Aldi yesterday and had to stop and hold on to a fence as I got very wobbly. Once I felt able managed to get there and did my shopping. Had taxi home. Luckily taxis here come quickly and aren't expensive and drivers always carry my shopping to my door.

Hopefully Allsorts you have got all your insurances sorted out. There are so many companies nowadays. It like shampoo there used to be 3 types dry,normal and greasy and now within one brand there are loads same with toothpaste etc.

Exercise class today made a Victoria sandwich to go with our cuppa today. I fancied some cake. When I bake it's always to give away but that way I can have a piece without eating the whole thing. And luckily everyone likes what I make.

Have a good day everyone

DerbyshireLass like you I am well in credit with my energy bill. Well done with the weight loss. Had a thought about you recent flares of IBS. Could it be because your body is getting used to your new lower food intake? Also if you have cut down on some foods and increased veg and fruit that good trigger it. I know when I started my weight loss journey my tummy was all over the place.

Your brooch sounds like my engagement ring it has a tiny diamond 9ct yellow gold. My husband said I can't afford anymore than £50. I said don't want one that expensive. Samuels had a sale on it should have been £40 got it for £36 with a free bread knife. I was 18 when we got engaged. Remember my wedding ring was £85 I brought it myself as my husband hadn't got the money 22ct yellow gold. He said when you are 50 I will buy you a beautiful ring whatever it costs. Unfortunately he died and never saw his our 50th let alone mine.
Rings today cost a fortune. Still love my engagement ring.

One thing I found losing over 7st my feet got slimmer that was a surprise. So instead of extra wide fitting had to buy wide fitting. Also meant I could finally wear ankle boots so my feet the last few winters have been dry and toasty.

Sorry, yes, chazzer.....local slang for charity shop.

I agree, everything seems unnecessarily complicated doesnt it, I thought technology was supposed to make our lives easier.....I think maybe I'm just a Luddite. ??

Yes I was shocked at that 1 in 3 figure. Just awful. And it's our grandchildren who miss out the most. They are just used as pawns.

DSL I thought a chazzer was a pig, do you mean a second hand shop or charity shop? Well done in your finds, you did well. Round here everything in charity shops are almost the same as new, difficult to find a bargain now. I’m downsizing so I’m getting rid of stuff.
Whiff you are blessed with your daughter, try not to worry about your heating as we all get £66 per month back for the next 6 months plus £300 Heating Allowance Christmas and there is a cap on it anyway now. If anyone gets benefit it’s more I think. I have to be careful not to get cold, so it’s got to be on.
Didn’t realise 1 in 3 children were estranged from their children, how awful. They have high standards now evidently , I don’t pass the test whatever it is. That’s a lot of sad people.
I’ve had a month of sorting house things out constantly on the phone, it got me tearful, oh for the days when it was simple. Gas board for gas, Electricity Board for Electric, Broker for car insurance, GPO for phone, is this really improvem3nt, it’s just stress full on.