Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

Yogin I can see all DerbyshireLass 's post at the top of the page. Is there a x on the corner of the advert if so click it and it should go away.

My grandson's where to small or not born when I was in my old house but it wasn't safe for small children or me.

Here my grandson's I see love it especially nannies greenhouse.

Because my brother and sister in law stayed here last year and realised how it was easier to live in than a house that's why they decided to move and get a bungalow. Roll on the 16th and I get to see for myself can't wait.

Yogin.....oh that's interesting. Well I certainly don't benefit....I don't have shares in Sky. In fact the films aren't being shown on sky. They are on Freeview. ??. No worries.

Whiff.....I think you are on to something....how moving can help us change our identity and create our new best lives. I am hoping this will happen to me.

If my son and DIL want to be part of my new life then that would be wonderful but I'm not going to keep turning myself inside out trying to hang on to a relationship that isn't functioning as it should.

One of the things DIL has tried to do is talk me out of moving. Another shoot at emotional blackmail. She said the grandchildren love my house, love playing in the garden. I know they do but the truth is I can't stay here for another 10 years just because the children like the garden. It's too big, I will never manage the upkeep.

Yes I know I could pay a gardener but it's not just the garden. I have several reasons for wanting to move, closer to amenities for when I go car free, ease of maintenance. The house has served its purpose, it was a project which helped me deal with bereavement. But I feel I've "outgrown" both the house and my old life, it's time to jettison the past, let go of all that grief and sorrow and try and rebuild my life. Im pretty sure a house move will help facilitate the changes I want to make.

I'm 71, I don't have time to waste 10 years in an environment that no longer serves my best interests. I'm sure my grandchildren will enjoy the next house just as much as this one.

If the garden isn't big enough I'll take them to the park. ?

DSL I don't think GNHQ liked your post at the very top of this page [can't see time, think it was yesterday evening] There is a big black box advertising 'Sky TV' right over your post, so can only see bottom of your post. Can anyone else see it, or is it just on mine ? Can't click to get rid of it!

Oh Smiles that's so very sad about wanting your ES at the hospital. I read the thread about AC leaving to live in Oz, nearly made me cry!

Of course you do want to share these sad times with your once beloved D Dotcom, but sadly there is nothing any of us can do to alter the situation, the longer it goes on the hard it is to reconcile. I fully imagined I would be reunited with my ED within a few months, but no, almost 10yrs on and she is still happy with what she's done, it would seem.

It all sounds very positive Whiff.

I think, when we make a new start, it energises us to make things better. ?

Feeling in control is a great part of that.

When I decided to look for my bungalow had a list of 20 I liked. Both the children discounted all but 6 . They knew the area I didn't. Also knew what I wanted and needed plus my budget. I couldn't afford to rent anywhere it was buy and sell all in one. My bungalow was the 3rd one. First one I didn't even want to go in looked nothing like the picture but I did my daughter took me . And it would have been rude to the estate agent who showed us round. Second one ok not the location though. Saw this and when I walked in it it felt like home. Didn't have blinkers on saw all that needed doing but knew I could make it mine. While waiting to have my offer accepted we saw another one. Lovely area and bungalow . But didn't get the same feeling as with the other one. Offer accepted. So the next day viewed it again with my son and daughter in law both loved it and told me they would be glad when I moved in. Seems odd to remember that now.

Even though lost half of my family don't regret moving one bit. It's what I needed to finally be the me I want to be . After my husband died the house was mine but I still called it ours and the children's bedrooms. But here it's mine. My choice of colours ,my lay out,only got plants in the garden I want.

It sounds selfish but it's very freeing. New start ,new life and people know me not wife then widow,Mom or any of our other labels.

Do others that moved feel that or am I odd?

Estrangement from my son and grandson's is so hard but think being happy in my home and new interests and friends helps such a lot. I am no longer the mom who turned a blind eye to things just because I lived over 100+ miles away. I feel stronger and more in control and have plans for the future. Have wobbles but that's life.

Hugshelp. See you are another early bird. Hope you get things sorted today. I know it's easier said than done but try not to worry. Hopefully these are just glitches that can be ironed out.

I'm totally with you on the location thing DSL. We also wanted to find somewhere that allows us to access all the things when DH can no longer drive.
I've just been going over our vendor's forms agin and they really are a joke. Apart from the lack of apparent sewerage, there are so many other things that are obviously incorrect. There have been several modifications to the property which they have ticked no to but we have seen and they said they had them done. We've got an appointment to see them and the survey's booked before that, so I'll try and iron all this stuff out. Meanwhile, our purchaser said they have hand delivered their forms to their solicitors but the solicitor has failed to confirm this to the EA so far. We're hoping 'not received yet' means not put on the system. The purchaser also claimed to have submitted them 2 weeks ago - apparently that was a misunderstanding. Mmm.
Why do people have to make it all so hard?

You're right Allsorts. He wasn't born especially handsome, he's created himself. He is testimony as to how you can "fix" yourself if you have the mindset, willpower, time and money. He must still spend hours working out in the gym, getting treatments etc. A lot of effort went into creating what you see today. And I'm betting he's still pretty high maintenance. Lol.

Whiff........I don't think I'll view the bungalow just yet. I might go for a drive by first, I don't really know the area that well, it might be a bit too rural. In a funny way I'm not too bothered about the actual house although the bungalow does look very appealing. A property can be fixed, I have turned quite a few ugly duckling houses into beautiful swans. Its the area that matters most now because I want to forward plan for when I no longer drive, so the location will need all the bells and whistles.

Problem is I just can't decide where would fit the bill, which is another reason to rent, a sort of try before I buy,

Anyway I'm not going to fret. You are right Whiff, some things are meant to be. Your vendors waited for you. It suited them, you were a good fit. Your bungalow was meant fur you and you have put your stamp on it.

Anyway one step at a time. Night all.

DSL, I think Tom very attractive, he does his own stunts too. His teeth were awful then he had implants , .

DerbyshireLass the bungalow might be the one are you going to view. As I have said I had 2 buyers pull out on me one on day of exchange and the other 4 days before exchange. I found my bungalow July 2018 . Each time the executors of the will stayed with me and I moved here August 2019. My daughter said it was meant to be mine.

Moving and finally living the life I should have done in my old house I am happier and healthier than I have ever been. The only down side is after 7 months of my son and grandson's visiting every week he decided he no longer wants or needs a mom. But that's his choice. But I have a wonderful daughter and her family who I see every week. In a way I am spoilt as before my move only saw both families 3-4 times a year.

But life has a funny way of surprising us. When my friend visited she said how much I had changed. For the better I might add. Moving was something I needed for a long time but until my mom died I couldn't.

People here are so different in a really good way and the health care fantastic.

Life is like a maze you never know what's round the corner or if it will take you to where you want to be .

Sweet dreams ?

So often, coming onto this thread is like putting on a comfy pair of slippers and curling up on a well worn and familiar chair.

Now is one of those times .

OOh, Exciting news on the bungalow DSL
We went to feed the ducks to de-stress and Mr H cooked tonight - cauli cheese and sausages. Feet up for knitting while the footy's on after I clear away methinks.

Just as I suspected DSL. Well when someone looks that good you can push the Scientology mumbo jumbo to one side can't you DSL.

Interesting about the bungalow you were interested in being back on the market, could be a sign.

The system has a lot to answer for I mean you'd think with all the tech that's available it would be easier but it seems to be the opposite.

A bungalow I fancy which sold in 3 days is back on the market. Who knows maybe it has my name on it. My DS2 saw it on RM and said "ooh it is so you".

Tom of course. ??.

No man has the right to be that beautiful to look at.

Yeah I know, I know ......all the weird scientology stuff. But no one can deny he's a looker. And he can actually act, "Born on the 4th July" was a corker.

I'm hoping that as Cruise ages he will return to more meaty character driven roles. Although I'm beginning to think he might have a portrait in the attic. ??. Or maybe he is an alien with an extra long lifespan.......lol

Ah Hugshelp. You have summed it up, low level worry and stress re the house moving milarky,

I have never had these kind of delays and irritations in the past. I know it's partly due to the backlog caused by the pandemic and of course they need to comply with money laundering checks.

But, really since when do you get issued a passport without a birth certificate and if necessary evidence of name change, which for most women is a marriage certificate. So why the need to see my marriage certificate. And if you're on the electoral roll is that not proof of residence. It's easy enough for them to check.

As you say most utility bills are now paperless. As for the council tax notice having to be less than 3 months old, well as you say that's a non starter. I had to send a bank statement in the end, not because I'm applying for a mortgage but to prove my residency. Bonkers. No wonder its taking so long, the system is grinding to a halt. The problem is the longer the process drags on, the more chances of a sale collapsing,

1 in 3 sales collapse at the best of times and these sure ain't the best of times. We can't rest easy be until contacts are exchanged.

Great photo Whiff Can't beat growing old disgracefully.

Great to see you Yogin

Good to hear your buyer has moved things on a bit at last. DSL They have tightened up the money laundering thing again recently. The hoops I had to jump through to prove my own ID despite living here all my life etc were a nightmare. It's worse because half the documents they want like utility bills are done online now and they say those don't count, or aren't in date enough. eg the council tax bill must be dated in the last 3 months - but they only send them out annually. I bet the criminals can do it easily though.

I swear I have never been so relentlessly stressed as this house moving thing is making me. Obviously I've had worse things happen, but the endless low-level worry and irritations are so trying. We were also hoping for Sept/Oct but we've barely got started with our buyers dragging their feet. Still waiting to hear if their documentation is in yet. EA chasing now.
I'm sorry you're having to work so hard at an unequal relationship. That's something else that is very draining.

Good to know Mr S is doing well smiles.
I'm sorry for your pain Dotcom - the double pain of estrangement and a bereavement must be awful.

So come on DSL what's the real draw here, the Mission Impossible films or Tom Cruise.

Dot......Of course you may call me DSL.

Thanks. I do try to remain upbeat, I guess I'm lucky in that I was just born with a positive mindset, apparently I was a "placid baby and a sunny child", always smiling, never a frown. Even my dad couldn't wipe the smile off my face, although he certainly tried lol.

I don't always manage to remain Little Miss Sunshine though. Like everyone else, I have my moments.

I've done a couple of hours in the garden. That's enough for today. A spot of lunch and then sit out with a book for an hour or so.

Easy dinner, and then Mission Impossible 3 tonight. Tom Cruise, another smiler. My teeth aren't as good as his though. ??

The cause of ours was our d.i.l. Dotcom.

DSL, if I may call you that, indeed it’s the very essence of a family to support one another, even if you may have differing views..sadly the cause of the estrangement in our case was that SIL didn’t want to have this sort of relationship.

Do find your upbeat attitude refreshing ?

It was a enormous relief Whiff especially when he managed to have his surgery just 3 weeks before the first lock down. Goodness knows how long he'd have had to wait.

Oh I see DSL so not your EA's fault then but no less frustrating. No in the scheme of things 3 weeks doesn't seem long, but they do this to you all the time.

It has gone on for months before and you have no way of knowing how long it'll go on for this time. These cruel mind games make so angry, it's unnecessarily cruel.

The run up to the anniversary of the loss of your H will be making everything harder and your son must be aware that it's fast approaching.

You're welcome Dotcom

Thank you for sharing, Smileless and Whiff, understand that sadness all too well.
??

Dotcom. So sorry to hear about your daughter. So hard, so painful.

You are right most of the time you can sort of get by and muddle along but there are times when you just want to gather your loved ones close, for support or comfort or share good things too.

Smiles.....I know 3 weeks isnt long in the grand scheme of things. I don't make demands, I appreciate they are busy, and I don't think I'm "needy" but a quick phone call or even a text is surely not that difficult. They can spend hours scrolling on their phones, posting on IG, texting their friends and her family, having zoom calls. It's a bit unbalanced.

Completely different kettle of fish with DS2. I can go several weeks without seeing DS2 and his partner, but we text regularly and we talk on the phone sometimes.

Hey ho, no point in ruminating. I am always vulnerable in the run up to the anniversary and today I do feel quite angry and upset.

It's not the EAs fault, not this time. My buyers had got a mortgage in principal, but then the lenders decided they needed more documentation, I'm not sure of my buyers nationality, maybe Polish or Lithuanian, so perhaps it's something to do with that.

I do know they are really tightening up on ID documentation, I had to supply my marriage certificate this time round because guess what ......my maiden name was different to my married surname. Lol. Never had to do that before, Apparently, The fact that they also saw my passport and drivers licence wasn't evidence enough.

They will be wanting an Iris scan soon at this rate......or maybe a DNA test. ??