Have had to have contact with my mother

Such a relief for you Freedom I do hope you can get your holiday sorted and have a few weeks respite from the so called family,I hope your GM is settled and hopefully unaware of the discontent within her family.Best wishes

That's great news freedomfromthepast and must be a huge relief in terms of your GM's welfare and not having to deal with your mum.

Fingers crossed that you get your vacation next week, you've certainly earned it.

Have fun.

Good going freedomfromthepast, that sort of thing is hard enough without her actively trying to sabotage you

I am pleased to announce that my grandmother is safely placed in her care center. Not without a TON of drama caused by my mother though.

After we got through the fact that she accused me of stealing, she decided to have a fit and stop doing any work she was supposed to be doing to help. I have spent the last 5 days doing nothing else but getting Grandma settled because of it.

We now have nothing more to do until mid-November when she gets moved again into a bigger room. I will have a few weeks of peace and a vacation next week IF we can get a plane. Here in the US, Southwest Airlines is having issues do to, who knows what the truth is. Hopefully they figure it out before Sunday.

Good for you freedomfromthepast much better to "call her out" then stew about it. At least if she stops talking to you, you'll get some peace.

PMed you freedomfromthepast hope you are OK

Sorry you are stuck in this situation with abusive people trying to control the narrative

Well, what I knew was going to happen has happened. My mother has imploded because she thinks I am "stealing".

Rich coming from the person who embezzled money from a previous employer.

It's all good, I knew this was coming and I have 0 (insert bad word here) left to give. I am going to call her out and stop the triangulation happening right now. She will act like a sullen child and play the victim and pout.

Good news for me though, after I call her out she wont want to talk to me. Win!

freedomfromthepast it's so sad that they can't ever experience what it is to do something out of love and care instead of appearance and point scoring.

Looking for reasons and justifications to drag us down instead of building us up.

That can't ever mean a happy life if the only joy you have has to be obtained that way.

Our ES's wife as well freedomfromthepast.

"Or maybe they just think deep down everyone is the same as them and their good deeds are fake too."

Ding, ding, ding.

This is my mother.

I had to be in touch with one of my sisters for a few weeks while our mother was very ill and then died. I haven't had any contact with her for many years (my choice). I didn't want to have any contact but had to do it for my mother's sake. As soon as Mum died and we had the funeral, things went back to how they had been before.
I feel for you with this situation - mine was at least polite whereas your's isn't. When your grandmother is moved into assisted living will your father still have the POA? If he does you might still find you are still called on to sort out stuff.

I really don't understand how they come out of any situation just using their own family thinking they are good and wonderful people. Or maybe they just think deep down everyone is the same as them and their good deeds are fake too.

The mental gymnastics must be Olympic standard.

I realized my post may have sounded that she is being financially abused. That is not the case. Though she has had to help support her 3 kids off and on for thousands at a time.

It is, unfortunately, the age old story that they don't want to be spending money now, because it is less for them later. This is a case of them all ignoring her unless they need something. That is how I ended up taking care of her. But you know they will all be lined up later.

I tried to get the medical POA. Unfortunately, during the process grandma wanted to put my mother in the mess. I finally refused. I will not put myself in the line of fire of my abusive mother for anyone. Not even my beloved grandmother.

At the end, I had to accept that my if grandmother refuses to see the truth about her children and allows them to treat her as they do, there is nothing I can do about it. It is heartbreaking for me.

I am aware of what will happen and the ramifications. I have beat myself up for 2 years knowing there is nothing I can do to stop the momentum. I can only care for her as I do now.

The triangulation has been going on almost 50 years. Unfortunately, my mom got pregnant in High School and they got married very young. He tried to leave for his mistress and their child once. My grandmother told him he already had a family, so he stayed. He never wanted to be there though and we knew it. He is just as toxic as she is honestly.

Once they get her money, I wont have to worry about it any more. They will have gotten what they wanted. But I wont not care for my grandmother as best as I can for now.

Could your father transfer the POA to you?

Honestly, this triangulation (your father hiding behind your mother) is not healthy and depending on how long your grandmother lives, it may impact more than you think.

Protect yourself.

Thank you all for your lovely words of support.

freedonfromthepast

I know you can't wait to go no contact again but I actually think this will be amazing for you until then. You are proving to yourself and to her that she has no control over you.

You are incredibly strong and this is a wonderful thing you are doing for your grandmother.

My brother has been hassling me again after 3 years with no contact. He said that if I don't respond in emails he will "pop up to remind me he is here".

They do like to remind me they exist and how "important" they are.

I told him that neither he, mum or my stepdad have any control here and blocked him. He will find the front door firmly shut in his face if he does turn up.

Any way we can grow our confidence and overcome these people is a positive against their negative

Hang in there freedomfromthe past ❤❤

It sounds like you’re doing everything right, and that will make people angry. You keep rising above it. Your granny is lucky to have you, as you are her.

I hope it resolves quickly for you.

My every sympathy, freedomfromthepast. it must be very difficult for you, but as others say come and rant, or as we say on our family emote, whenever you want. We will all soothe you as much as we can

You know we're here if you need to talk.

Yes, I would prefer no contact. And have been for several years. And I will return to it eventually. And the fact is, she has put my children and I through so much abuse, this is nothing in comparison.

After sleeping on it, I do feel a bit better. I think it was helpful to put it here to give it recognition so I can let it go easier.

Thank you all!

I agree Sago that "no contact is the only way* but unfortunately for freedomfromthepast when it comes to caring for her much loved GM, no contact with her mother isn't an option.

I understand, my late mother was a narc.
She was such a great actress, she told so many lies about me.
Sadly, she was believed so I have many family members who have a very low opinion of me.
You will never win, no contact is the only way.

It sounds like you are coping really well good for you