Is 'No Contact' abuse?

Having been bought up in a way that, would now be classed as abusive, and having worked in child abuse, for a lot of years, all I’d say is that there are different types of abuse.

Estrangement, no matter who it is between, and what way around, can be abusive.

Every situation is different.🤷‍♀️

We are discussing if ending a relationship is abuse... It isn't

It doesn't depend on how it is felt by the person it happens to either, otherwise a man who beats his wife can say "if you leave me it is abuse" and guilt their partner into staying... Even if he really truly believes it himself, leaving him is not abuse

I don't know why we need this many pages to explain why it is such a dangerous myth to spread to anyone, especially someone in a vulnerable position

You make a good point DL about how we were raised could in some cases be viewed as abusive and I agree that there are different types of abuse.

This is a discussion VS. People are giving their points of view, some based on personal experience. What you regard as a dangerous myth is not what others who may be in a vulnerable position have experienced, and it is wrong to attempt to write off anyone's experience in this way.

Sorry but I think it is far more dangerous to perpetuate a myth that harms abused people and I just can't understand why anyone ever would

Especially when you can describe it as the worst pain you ever felt and that would be fine

People leave relationships for a variety of reasons. Some may be because of abuse, some won’t be.

I don’t think polite discussion hurts anyone.

Just because you don't agree VS that doesn't make it ^a myth that harms abused people^; it doesn't harm me.

You are not an appointed representative Smileless

It doesn't hurt me that people would say that estranging my mother was abusive because I know that is an absolute pile of nonsense but others won't feel the same...

It's one way you could be a little more inclusive of estranged children on these threads but clearly the intention is not to be

Neither are you VS and yet you claim it is a myth that harms abused people and it has nothing to do with being or not being inclusive of estranged children on these threads. A claim which has no validity coming from someone who just referred to what some EP's have experienced as an absolute pile of nonsense.

Neither I nor anyone else is denying or minimising the experiences of those EAC who post here. It's a great shame that you continue to do so with regard to EP's.

Nope

This thread was started by an estranged child

And people want to tell the estranged children participating that the act of Estrangement is abusive

So absolutely not no

Do you actually read the posts*VS*? It's been said it can be, not that it is.

It's irrelevant who started the thread because anyone's entitled to share their opinions and experiences if they want too.

Yes I've read the posts Smileless

And it is not can because an individual decides it is

And it isn't can't because anyone decides it isn't.

I’m a simple soul . Ending contact with someone doesn’t happen in a vacuum. The relationship, however it started, will have begun to crumble. There may have been dreadful rows, terrible things said or done that can’t be undone.
Ending contact will be painful. It might be perceived as a further exampleof abusive behaviour.
Yes - No? Not really so simple where complex, especially family relationships are concerned.

Yes - No? Not really so simple ...... I agree Iam which is why I keep saying it can be. There is no definitive yes or no.

No it's not simple it's incredibly painful

I found it painful when my brother estranged me, he is an abusive person but it still hurt

But he didn't abuse me by estranging, he set me free and understanding that helped me heal and let go of feelings I didn't need

You think people are saying it to somehow harm estranged parents when actually, it is trying to help you...

That's how you've experienced being estranged by your brother VS but your experience wont be the same as everyone else's.

How is telling any EP who describes their experience as being abused that what they're saying is an absolute pile of nonsense thereby denying them their experience, going to help?

Read the whole paragraph Smileless and what I actually said instead of quoting part of it

VioletSky

You are not an appointed representative Smileless

It doesn't hurt me that people would say that estranging my mother was abusive because I know that is an absolute pile of nonsense but others won't feel the same...

It's one way you could be a little more inclusive of estranged children on these threads but clearly the intention is not to be

Here it is again

No one is saying to you or anyone here who has estranged someone that what they have done is abusive VS.

I think that abuse , any sort of abuse including estranging can happen only when the abuser can abuse. When the victim is powerless for whatever reason they are open to abuse by another who can do it.

The victim of estrangement is obviously not wanted by the estranger. It is always unkind to hurt the feelings of another who is not as strong as yourself. In short, the estranger may be a bully.

If for some reason you have to estrange someone you should explain to them why you took the decision and give them every possible opportunity to defend themself.

As an estranged parent without any reason given and totally blocked and despite attempting to solve and understand the situation, I feel abused, I feel abused, alone and dumped without reason.To me this is abuse, that's how it feels like to me.

I'd call that abuse Bridie, and I'd say you are a victim of rudeness of the abusers. The only sure way I know to cease being a victim of estrangers is to accept the situation.

Possibly they are unaware of how much they have hurt you. Can you find an intermediary who would help to establish communications?

Smileless2012

No one is saying to you or anyone here who has estranged someone that what they have done is abusive VS.

It has been said on this thread Smileless so that is why I am discussing it

I could fall over on the stairs and break my leg and say I experienced something like being hit by a car...

But I didn't get hit by a car, that is not reality

The leg is however, still broken

Caleo, thank you, but im now not sure I want them back in my life, I did try in the early days to establish contact but it was ignored.
It feels like I was used, dumped and just a byproduct of their lives, that's my reality and probably many more on this thread.