SUPPORT for all living with the pain of estrangement

Thank you Namsnanny and Granniesunite.

I'm going to see mum tomorrow, well that's the plan but I'm not sure when the time comes if I'll be able too.

The last time I saw her she was in a bad way and I so want my last memory of her to be better. The funeral director knows this, and has assured me that mum looks peaceful and she thinks it will be good for me to see her.

Mr. S. is of course going with me and said he'll go in first if I need reassurance that this is the right thing to do. I want to be able to say goodbye to her and see that she has at last found the peace that alluded her in life for so long.

Yes, do what is comforting for you smileless

I didn't want to see my dad at the undertakers, because I had been living with him to help out for a few months towards the end, and was actually at his bedside when he died. So it just seemed unnecessary.
Having said that I havent been able to shake the guilt that I left him there on his own.
Totally irrational

?thinking of you and your family.

Smileless - I hope it all goes as well as it can for you. Just do what feels right for you on the day, supported by the wonderful Mr S. X

Smileless - Whatever you decide about seeing your mum at the undertakers it will be a choice that is right for you. Certain
things we feel are a need we have and want to follow through on that. I do hope it gives you the peace and comfort you are looking for if you do decide to go in and say your goodbyes.

As I was at the bedside when my mum died and was then given some time to quietly sit with her I was able to wish her well and tell her how much she would be missed so that was enough for me.
Many family members did go to the funeral offices as they wanted to pay their last respects to her.

Namsnanny --I hope you are not feeling guilty about not seeing your dad at the undertakers as it was important you were at his bedside when he died and that is enough to cope with.
I had been at my dads hospital bed most of the day and had been told by nurses to go home and rest and they would call me if anything changed, sadly when they went to his bed at 4.a.m he had passed away and it was too late for anything to have been done.
My dads brother came over before the funeral and asked me if he could go to the funeral offices to see dad so I went with him. My dad looked peaceful and it was not too bad, although I had not seen my uncle cry at least not since he had lost his wife and he got a bit upset. My brother was waiting outside and he took my uncle to the pub and got him a couple of stiff whiskies, (purely medicinal)
Losing loved ones can be traumatic and upsetting.
Take care All.

I had been at my dads hospital bed most of the day and had been told by nurses to go home and rest and they would call me if anything changed, sadly when they went to his bed at 4.a.m he had passed away and it was too late for anything to have been done

3nanny6 that happened to me too ..though I left because my wheelchair bound mum couldnt cope in the wheelchair anymore and has to take her home. We thought we could come back the next day but it was not to be. It's hard isnt it.

Sometimes I think things aren't meant to be. When why gran died mum got a call from the hospital to say she needed to get there asap.We set off straight away but were too late.

Difficult times.

Do whatever feels right for you smiles, everyone is different and you are a strong lady that knows her own mind. Strength and love be with you.

This is such an honest and uplifting post. Did you try going through courts?

We went to see mum this morning; I was scared, but I needn't have been.

She looked lovely in a cream gown holding a white rose. She looked peaceful, like she was sleeping. For so long poor mum looked as if she just couldn't cope with the world or was on the verge of not coping.

The funeral director had noticed my manicured and painted nails when we met her last Thursday, so she painted mum's. It was so fitting as there was a time when she always took great pride in her appearance, and it had been years since I'd seen her painted nails.

We took a photo of me and mum and a copy of the poem that Mr. S. found and will read out at her funeral. I'd folded them together and asked the funeral director if she'd place them in mum's hand which she did.

It's been a strange day, another strange day in a week of strange days. I'm very tired but glad I saw mum today.

Smileless - you must be really drained, but also relieved. You are in my thoughts and sending much love. Take care of yourself, my dear. X

*Smileless8 I am glad that things were as you wished

Thinking of you smileless. These are tough days.

Thinking if you Smileless.?

How lovely that your last moments with her are pleasant ones Smileless and that she’s at peace. Hope all goes smoothly at the funeral- love to you and your family ?

I don't know whether I'm posting this in the right place. In fact, I don't know much at all at the moment, after receiving a 'letter' attached to a WhatsApp message from my son yesterday afternoon. A letter which has left me totally devastated. He no longer wants me in his, or his family's life. This includes his 4 month old daughter, my grand daughter, who I've never met. I can't think straight, haven't slept and can't seem to stop crying. I feel helpless and lost. I'm not even sure why I'm typing this. In the hope that it makes me feel better? In the hope that someone can say something to make me feel better? I really don't know but I do know that the way I'm feeling today scares me. And I don't know what to do.

Thank goodness you found this thread Linda; I really mean that because here you will find comfort, support, understanding and what help we can give you.

I know because approaching 8 years ago we had a hand written note out through our letter box on Christmas Eve, together with the small gift we'd bought our GS for his first Christmas.

The note read "you are no longer a part of mine and ....... life and are to stay away".

Of course you can't think straight, can't sleep, can't stop crying, feel lost and the way you are feeling scares you.

It would help us if you can, to tell us a little more; if you live alone and if you have other children for example.

In the meantime please keep in touch; you're not alone Linda.

Smileless : I had a busy day yesterday and did not get to post.

So pleased your day for goodbyes went well and you found peace of mind in what you wanted to achieve.
I hope the funeral goes well.

How is your son in Australia? do hope he is coping with everything. A difficult time when so far away.

Oh, Smileless, that’s so hard for your son in Australia, difficult times. Hope you are coping ok.

Linda58- good to see Smileless welcoming you. Yes, you have posted on the right thread.

Hi linda yes you're on the right thread.
Most of the posters here understand the confusion you are feeling. To read such hurtful words from a loved one just fogs up the brain and you can't think, eat, sleep, the lot.
In the days to come take time to talk to someone you trust and be kind to yourself. I hope you get the help you need to get through a day.

Linda, first of all welcome, there with be other people who have or are in a similar position to you. If you can, please try to look after yourself get in the fresh air and walk, don’t contact your son and say things in haste, let it lie a bit until you gather your thoughts. It is awful to be told they you are out of their lives, not to have the guts to come and talk about it is awful. At present things are hard for people, particularly parents with a new baby. You have to respect what they say now but things can change and settle down in time.

We met with our lovely vicar today and put the finishing touches to the service; phew!!!

It's going to be lovely; does that sound weird? I know in my heart that mum would have totally approved. I keep getting Mr. S. to play the three pieces of music in order and each time I'm more certain that they're just right.

I am glad that went well for you smiles and hope it will be a peaceful memory for you to keep. I hope that having got past that hurdle has taken a tiny piece of the burden of getting through these difficult times away.

I am glad you have found this thread Linda58. Reading your post reminds me of the raw shock that hit me when I was first estranged by my son, and I am sure it will resonate with so many here. I can't even remember how I found this place, but I remember feeling the same as you, that I was blindly reaching out and I had no idea what for. I will tell you that the people on this thread have helped me hang onto my sanity when I was falling about and have been the most wonderful source of support. I really hope we can help you too.

It sounds like the people around you are being helpful and all is as it should be smiles and I hope that is a great comfort to you and that when the service comes it brings you peace and a way to move on in the way that is right for you.

Wishing all the wonderful ladies here a peaceful night and the best that tomorrow can bring.

sorry meant to put falling apart