Here we are again- unwanted gifts.

My mother sneers about any gift she receives, sometimes forgetting it is one I have given. When asked what she would like replies with "anything you choose would be lovely".

I used to spend ages hunting around for something she would like now I just pick up the first thing I see that is vaguely suitable.

Yesterday when I phoned she was complaining that her dining room table was covered in gifts that would take her ages to to open and then she have to spend all day on the phone thanking everyone.

You sound so ungrateful. Be glad that’s the only thing you have to worry about. You should learn to receive gifts graciously. I Imagine they’re more upset that you couldn’t be bothered to get them anything. That’s a real lack of thought and effort!

One of my oldest friends tours the charity shops all year for gifts, hardly anything she gives me is new or thoughtful. I've known her 40 years and know what she's like, I still try to find things I think she'd really like, it gives me pleasure to do this.

I’m sure that we have all received gifts of things we wouldn’t choose ourselves or are not to our taste. However, it’s important to say thank you to the giver and definitely not risk hurting their feelings by seeming ungrateful or dismissive of their efforts. Unwanted gifts can always be donated to charity at a later date without the person giving the gift knowing that that is what you have done. Why hurt someone’s feelings unnecessarily?

We solved this issue some years ago. Our family group decided to do a secret Santa. There are web sites that randomly allocate another group member, anonymously. We set a budget also. This means that we only buy one present for the allocated person. We wrap them in brown paper and put them into a box. In theory, no one knows who has bought the present.
We also encourage wish lists so if you choose to offer a list, the item you receive is something you want or desire
We have been doing this for several years now and it works really well. No one receives items that they wouldn't normally want, and for those of the group that that are less well off, it doesn't explode the budget.
Children are exempt, this is for the grown-ups. It saves money, waste and head scratching. i would recommend it, definitely. This came about after my sister in law bought me a lovely teapot. I have known her fifty years yet she somehow didn't remember I don't drink tea!

I used to love receiving bath cubes - Pittcity- preferably with a tin of talc. Not much use now as we only have a shower!

I think theres a difference between gifts that a lot of thought has gone into and one that is just a generic gift set that is bought out of convenience rather than any thought as to whether the recipient would like it. Also some people are brilliant at buying gifts others not. The only gift I got this year that I was disappointed with was a toiletry gift set from a brand I really dont like-they are very much the sort of thing you would pick up in a supermarket as an afterthought and they irritate my skin. The giver wouldnt know that and my daughter likes the brand so problem solved-although I will give to daughter not regift.
I vividly remember a Secret Santa a colleague was given a roll on deodorant. It had already been used!

Cabbie21 How very ungrateful and ungracious you sound. Think yourself fortunate to have a family who take the trouble of buying gifts and wrapping them beautifully. Personally, I believe you should have kept your feelings to yourself, rather than sharing them on this forum.

Ouch patsy-thats a little harsh. As I get older, I feel the need to restrict stuff that accumulates. Decades ago, when my grandmother dies, she had drawers full of items, still in wrappers, all given as gifts. Part of this may have been “saving best for special occasions”, but also, it could be that gifts bought were not to her taste. Who knows.
But without the gift of intuition, its hard for some people to understand what others want or need. And many of us have busy lives and thinking of individual gifts for people is jolly tricky. This may be why so many unsuitable gifts are given.
As I said before, we do secret Santa. I had a lovely gift this year that I will treasure. Our group were equally delighted with their secret Santa gifts. Thats a lot of disappointment and waste/re gifting etc. avoided.

Dibbydod Sat 26-Dec-20 10:20:33

^I’m sorry but I feel your being very ungrateful, Christmas is a time for giving and gifts should be gratefully received . What’s wrong with lighting the candles , they can be very relaxing as well is giving off nice scent to your home . As for the chocolates how come you don’t mention that you are diabetic, surly you can tell your family that you are ?
Giving money is very unimaginative .^

If giving money is so unimaginative how come you never see a wad of cash in a charity shop window?

One of my gifts was not much unwanted, more “ I never want this again!” My DH bought me a lovely gift hamper of nice body lotion, shower gel etc. in my favourite smell. In the hamper was a bath bomb so I thought I’d treat myself last night. It melted in the bath and smelt lovely. All was fine until I went to get out. There must have been oil in the “bomb” and it was very slippery. Every time I tried to get up , my feet slipped out from under me. Luckily the bath has built in handles, and I managed to haul myself up and out.
The bombs should come with a warning.. “the elderly may find themselves stuck in the bath if they use these.”
Don’t think DH was trying to finish me off ! He did wonder what took me so long! !

I love receiving money and gift cards, every present I got this year was brilliant. My partner bought me a voucher, plus day and night cream. All will be used and enjoyed.
My lovely Grandson got me a lovely tin of biscuits from Fornum and Mason or rather his Mother did and he wrote his name on the gift tag.
I love candles for Christmas, and got a lovely one. I buy most of my expensive candles in charity shops, at greatly reduced prices after Christmas and January and February are when I get great finds, it's a great experience for me and I save a fortune.

I don’t think the OP is ungrateful or ungracious. It sounds as though she tried to tell the givers not to give gifts.
My friend and I had an agreement not to spend more than £10 on each other. Yet again I kept to my side of the bargain. She spent much more than £10. She always does. Why? Neither of us ‘needs’ anything, just a token would be welcome.
Am I mean for keeping to the agreement and ungrateful into the bargain; or is she mean for making me feel mean?
She bought me a lovely handbag I just don’t want it. I really like to choose my own, I’m very fussy. I can’t give it away though can I? She will expect me to use it.

I agree with the poster! Hate receiving gifts which I neither need nor want. I have mostly succeeded by asking monies to be given to charity instead. Christmas cards are sent out early with a note saying which charity we have donated to this year hoping people take on board that fact.

We gave money to our four grandchildren this year. They are all getting that much older (9, 11, 12 & 13) and are developing their own tastes and wishes in what they would like. It was easier when they were little but I wouldn't want to buy something I thought they might like now, only to feel their disappointment at some well intended gift from Nana & Grandad (not that they'd show it as they are much too polite and well brought up). I much prefer to gift money now and they can get what they want or put it towards something they're saving for.

I received back socks I gave my friend last year and summer PJs that looked like they have been a couple of times to other people and too big. I prob sound ungrateful, but not nice when I gave her gifts I'd bought....I'll know again

Such ingratitude beggars belief. At least be happy you have something to donate to charity shops. As for those who denigrate a general gift as opposed to a personal one, there are some people we don't know particularly intimately but who have touched us in some way that generates the desire to give a token. I hope this trait never stops.

In support of Cabbie21, I would say that if I was given scented candles I would be putting them to the nearest raffle or charity shop too. I can't stand them and also, some people do find they cause breathlessness, I believe. My DH knows how I feel about them, but maybe I should make sure that the rest of the family does too!

DH and I agree not to give each other Christmas presents, as we are lucky enough to have everything we need, and if there is something we want through the year, we can usually buy it.

Well that certainly got some very different reactions!
I was not so much having a moan as trying to find a plan for next year. Thank you for some constructive suggestions.

The money I gave was very well received and will be well used. Better than my buying something they don’t want, especially for teenagers.

Maybe the OP does have a point, the family must realise that one of the pair has diabetes and the other is pre-diabetic; doesn't show much common sense buying sugary treats when they shouldn't be eaten!
Re-gifting can be awkward territory too so perhaps the charity shops are the best place for unwanted gifts.

Thank you PollyDolly.

Such a miserable bunch of people! Why worry over someone giving you a gift you don’t like. It’s so unimportant in the grand scheme of things. Give it away, bin it or use it. Who cares? Move on...

My mother is very difficult to buy for. She doesn't like sweets, doesn't have a bath, has no hobbies or interests, and has enough money to buy what she wants when she wants it.

For that reason, my sister and I spend a lot of time trying to come up with gifts she will like. Nothing we ever get is appreciated, though. She used to have (still might have) a cupboard where she kept things to be regifted, and I know that a lot of my presents to her went in there. Often she would tell me that she had never used something I'd bought, or ask me not to get X or Y again in future. It is very hurtful, although I've always tried to rise above it.

Some of it is because she was brought up in the war, when things were in short supply, and later she had little money and three small children. She hated waste, and didn't want us to buy things that were not going to be used. All the same, surely most of us are given presents that don't really hit the spot from time to time, and it costs nothing to pretend that you like them and accept with good grace.

Last year other gran gave me a box of face creams etc which I had given her daughter the previous year. My own d spent a fortune this year buying me little whimsical ornaments which I will never use.

blue25 it’s not something to worry about. It irritates me because the money could be put to better use.
I need nothing. That’s not to say that there is nothing that I want but actually the things that I really want I would never expect anyone to buy.
There is so much waste of resources in the world why are we adding to it?
You see I don’t like to bin things, I’d happily give them away but I can’t can I? I have to demonstrate that I love it to the person who gave it to me.