Disappointed in friend

crazyH

I have no time for certain so-called friends. I have an 86 year old neighbour (since 2008) . She is widowed now (husband was lovely) . She knocks on my door daily and wants to ‘chat’. It’s all about her new boyfriend - really, I don’t want to hear about her sex life. She has no children and has zero interest in mine. I doubt she knows how many children and GC I have.
So now, I have decided not to answer the door to her.
The only time I will be happy to see her is at our neighbours get-togethers.
She has targeted me because I was very kind to her when she lost her husband….. giving her lifts, shopping etc (she doesn’t drive)
But no more, that’s it…

She's got a sex life at the age of 86??

At our age it depends if you enjoy her company. If your world would be a bit poorer without her in it, then just stay with the current arrangement. If your world would not change, perhaps it is time to wait for her to call you. Good friends are hard to come by but there again we can be friends with lots of surface friends. It depends what your gut feeling is.

She's quite disinterested in my children which I suppose is up to her, but she doesn't seem to understand that I like them!!

Maybe she thinks you are busy and will contact her when you have time?

Well, we're all different and it's often the differences that make us interesting to each other. If you feel the friendship has run its course, for whatever reason, it might be an idea to back off a little bit. Don't get in touch as often, don't leap to agree when she wants to do something but you don't. I'm not unsympathetic (I'm a people-pleaser too) but sometimes you have to wonder whether they might stop behaving in the way they do (or not quite as much) if you stopped enabling it.

I have two sorts of friends. Those who I know would contact me to meet up and those who wait for me to get in touch. I will contact the latter if I feel like having an outing but if not I am happy to let meetings slide. One ‘friend ‘ hasn’t contacted me in 18 months so I no longer bother. Makes life simpler. Some friendships are just casual ones.

The others use of the coin is, that for those of us not at work, (well, me) I am very aware that others have a busier life than me, and I don't want people to feel pressured to "fit me in".

I have no time for certain so-called friends. I have an 86 year old neighbour (since 2008) . She is widowed now (husband was lovely) . She knocks on my door daily and wants to ‘chat’. It’s all about her new boyfriend - really, I don’t want to hear about her sex life. She has no children and has zero interest in mine. I doubt she knows how many children and GC I have.
So now, I have decided not to answer the door to her.
The only time I will be happy to see her is at our neighbours get-togethers.
She has targeted me because I was very kind to her when she lost her husband….. giving her lifts, shopping etc (she doesn’t drive)
But no more, that’s it…

It's probably due to the awful health issue. It can knock the stuffing out of you. If you can make the meet-up short and sweet. Ask her if she finds making arrangements tires her, or perhaps the uncertainty of how she sill feel on the day.

I also have a friend like this, and an older sister. Now that I care for my DH my friend still never bothers to call or text even though she knows I have a lot on my plate so have just let it slide - if it isn’t important to her why should it be important to me?
Not so easy to let it slide with my sister but am tempted. She doesn’t live too far from me, has a car (we no longer have one because my husband can’t drive and I never learned) but never rings or texts unless I contact her, never suggests helping out and always complains about her own life the entire time I talk to her.
The other week she was saying how she had offered to take a neighbour to the hospital whenever she has an appointment because she can no longer drive. I nearly had to bite my lip because she never offers to give my DH a lift to the hospital.
I really don’t know what to suggest. I imagine if you just leave it your friend won’t bother to contact you.
Sorry it is like this 💐

I've given up running after "friends" and I don't bother with people who don't ask after me and mine and are only interested in taking about themselves. My "friend" group has gone down considerably, but obviously they were never friends in the first place. I feel lighter and cherish the people that I can now call proper friends.

I am in the middle of arranging a coffee and chat with friends. It's always left to me but as I want to keep in touch I just get on with it. I don't see it as ignoring me or can't be bothered, some people are just like your friend and my friends. We are all different.

I have a friend like this. I have just had to accept that it just the way it is. If she sounds pleased when you do contact her and seems to enjoy your outings it would probably be best if you just try to live with it, and keep making the first move, as long as you are still enjoying the time you do spend together.
If your frustration is taking the joy out of your meetings perhaps you need to reassess whether you want to continue the friendship.

I think if you leave it up to her you might be upset at her lack of response. Speak from experience.