Impatient son in farm shop

Some people are just horrible.
I have seen it so many times over the years with middle aged men usually bullying elders.

Grantanow

I noticed in Sidmouth that quite a few shops have seats for the shopper's partner to sit down while the wife looks at dresses and tries on. A very good idea and many more should do it. It makes good retail sense and takes some pressure off the shopper to hurry.

In Banff. Canada There is a shop which is a small scale brewery and bar. Over the door is the notice ":Husbands Day Care" The question then becomes how do you then get him home?

When I ran a business, many years ago, a very elderly lady came in and bought an expensive item. Her family found her and saw the item and said to her " How lovely. You will enjoy wearing that". That was in contrast to another family a few days earlier, bringing in Mum who said to her. "What do you want with that at your age?" One lady went out walking on air and the other was ready to cry.

I noticed in Sidmouth that quite a few shops have seats for the shopper's partner to sit down while the wife looks at dresses and tries on. A very good idea and many more should do it. It makes good retail sense and takes some pressure off the shopper to hurry.

Excellent!

People are extremely condescending to the elderly, I like to shock them by telling them to .... off, they expect us to be meekly and mild

My grandma was quite used to grandad telling her what to do, even though she raised 6 children without him lifting a finger.

When he died, she rallied and for a while became more of her own person, until my father started telling her what to do and what she needed, and she faded a bit again. Why is it that a lot of men automatically think they have the right to make decisions which should be hers or at least join?

It is not abuse per se, but it is coercive control which is more like a dripping tap.

I'm afraid I'm on the son's side. He could have been saying "you don't want that" because he knew she already had an abundance of it at home.
When I took my dad shopping he always insisted he needed sugar - when I cleared his house there were 15 bags of it.

I always feel left out at family dos now as I can't hear so they give up. I'd prefer not to go but they won't hear of it.
Thank goodness I'm missing out on the next one. They are having a memorial for my late sister in law and its turning into a circus. Extra people have booked for the weekend and my husband is getting so stressed as someone told he must clean the grave and make a speech.
It's too far for me to travel so I will have peace.

Elsi

I have a drop dead look that scares 6ft hulks of men it's horrible to see truly awful.

I find that very hard to believe, however, if you believe it, that’s fine.

Rocketstop2

Tworedroses

Crikey, talk about judgemental..

Yes I think a lot of us have been in THAT situation and just sort of fade into the background !

oops posted and quoted wrong thread.I was replying to the poster who said the elderly woman was sat with a family in the restaurant and basically being ignored and talked over !

Tworedroses

Crikey, talk about judgemental..

Yes I think a lot of us have been in THAT situation and just sort of fade into the background !

I have a drop dead look that scares 6ft hulks of men it's horrible to see truly awful.

I totally agree.
I'm incensed on the woman's behalf!

Hithere

How was the tone? Hostile? Caring?

"You don't want that" by itself is not rude, it is just assertive.

Saying no is not pretty, but it is not rude

A person may want everything he/she sees and discard thr next minute, for example

You deal with the same situation x amount of times and you learn to say what works

What happens if this interaction was between a parent and a minor child, vs a elderly and their offspring?

What ever way you look at this it is patronising of the son! Surely whether or not HE thinks she doesn't need it is irrelevant it is up to her to decide as a grown woman!
I cannot stand being patronised and “managed” myself and hate seeing it happen to others

posset

What I find irritating are self-righteous people who castigate anyone who expresses an opinion or a criticism, telling them they are "judgemental" or "intolerant"............grrrr

Sorry - that went in the wrong forum !!

What I find irritating are self-righteous people who castigate anyone who expresses an opinion or a criticism, telling them they are "judgemental" or "intolerant"............grrrr

It doesn’t matter how exasperated he felt, it doesn’t matter what the lady is suffering health wise, there is NO excuse for rudeness. My parents were often ‘challenging’ whenever we took them to a shop, cafe, restaurant etc but we always put that behind us and allowed them to speak and choose as they wished…….doing otherwise was a deprivation of liberty in any case! It didn’t matter one jot that mum had looked at the jam selection for too long or spent too long choosing which pie she preferred…..she was mum and she was loved and respected and the same went for dad!

62Granny

You should have said , "if you want it, have it my love" in a nice gentle voice , while given him the evil eye. My DD says I can floor anyone with
"My Look"😡

😂😂
I have what dds used to call my ‘scary eyes’ but so far I’ve only ever used them on e.g. screaming brats in supermarket queues (very successfuly, I might add 😈) but I’ve never yet tried them on an adult.

No excuse for treating anyone like that in public.
Its far different than having a falling out at home.

So what if she gets on his nerves - no doubt he's got on hers, too.

.

Surely he should treat his mother with respect ALL of the time, not just when in public.
.

I used to tell families: decide how much caring you can cope with and then let us pick up the rest with no judgement on you.

Part of it is about knowing your limits though. I know I'm often unpopular for being honest but I know my limits wrt caring for my own daughter who has a disability/autism/LD and as a carer you have to think about what is best for the person you are caring for. I know I couldn't care for my daughter full time anymore, so I don't. It's better for her. She doesn't deserve someone to be ratty/patience shredded with her, so that simply doesn't happen.

It's quite simple, vulnerable people shouldn't be shouted at or ordered about. If your caring role makes you behave in a manner that isn't normal for you, it is actually very sensible to question and research alternatives or ways of making your own mental health better

I'm not pointing the finger at anyone. I know how difficult it is and I am no saint

It was rude. Nothing benign about it.

I accept the criticism of being judgemental in this instance.

I also acknowledge that sometimes patience can be stretched and a large part of my job was about supporting families and carers.

But this was worrying.

How was the tone? Hostile? Caring?

"You don't want that" by itself is not rude, it is just assertive.

Saying no is not pretty, but it is not rude

A person may want everything he/she sees and discard thr next minute, for example

You deal with the same situation x amount of times and you learn to say what works

What happens if this interaction was between a parent and a minor child, vs a elderly and their offspring?