Weddings .......

My dd and her Dh had a lovely wedding last month. It was their second, because they had a small ceremony last year with only 16 guests, after her dad was diagnosed with a terminal illness. Sadly, he didn’t live long enough to celebrate this bigger wedding with lots of family and friends.

She chose a rural venue that did a full weekend package so we had three days/two nights there with all meals provided. You’d find it hard to get a weekend break anywhere for that money, I can tell you!

My dd planned it all meticulously, as is her way, but she wasn’t a bridezilla. She just wanted the people she loves to be there. The venue provides a wedding organiser and she commented at the end that dd was the most chilled-out bride she’d ever come across! No fuss, no bother, just an amazing party weekend! Everyone seemed to have a fabulous time, which is the most important thing.

Surely if the bride wants a colour scheme, that should be with the bridle party, not the guests, I definitely would not be at a wedding where the bride chose what colour I should wear, going a bit over the top.

I always think that as it’s the couple who have decided what they want, I shouldn’t criticise their choices, so I don’t spend any time thinking about how much it has cost. Every wedding I’ve been to has been different, and I’m pleased about that because it reflects them. The most enjoyable weddings for me are those with good company, food and music, it’s always lovely to see the couple enjoying their day, and to enjoy it with them.

I also think that people should have the wedding they want, but at the same time accept that some guests won’t come if they put restrictions and rules on the event.
One of our nieces had her wedding abroad, in a lovely but inaccessible place. It wasn’t the actual wedding, as that had taken place in a registry office some weeks earlier, with no guests.
They also said no children on the day, but theywere welcome at a BBQ the next day. Which made me wonder what they thought parents were going to do with the children, in a foreign country, on the day of the wedding. We didn’t attend, too much of a palaver.
Personally I think some of the best weddings are the less formal ones.

I like it when celebs do as Kate Moss did & have a low-key wedding. She was the person a lot of teenagers wanted to be, & she didn't bow to the pressure to make it "the event of the year" or anything.Sad the marriage didn't last.

There was a thread on MN earlier where a BTB was demanding that her mixed race niece and nephew aged around 8 and 4 I think, had their hair straightened for the wedding! Absolutely insane request IMO!

Fair enough, that sounds lovely Martavtaurus, & doesn't involve the guests in too much expense.

It's the expectation that all your guests & family can afford to pay for travel to an expensive destination. That doesn't seem fair, how embarrasing to have to admit that you can't afford to attend, but equally how unfair of you miss out on something really important to you, or go into debt, because you've spent big on someone else's wedding.

IMO only OK if it's a small wedding or among the super-rich.

MartavTaurus
That sounds absolutely fabulous. I’m not a wedding person but I would certainly have gone to that one 🥰
One of my daughter’s weddings was a no expense bells and whistles affair. The most fabulous day ever 🥰
I know a young girl who was quoted £250 by a hairdresser to do her hair on the day. That didn’t include the trail run to see how she wanted it 😱

I guess if you have the money available, then why not?
DD1 had a fantastic wedding in London, and although it was expensive, the guests still refer to it many years later! Church ceremony with bridesmaids, flowers, cars, then London bus ride to the venue, sipping champagne en route. Wedding breakfast, cake, evening buffet, jazz band. A Joyous occasion, smiling faces, everyone still friends and the couple still very much in love!
It was around the time of Prince William's and Catherine's wedding, so not as glamorous as theirs, but well coordinated by my DH who had contacts in the London theatre world for lighting, staging and music. Our DD was youngish and full of her own wedding dreams without wanting to be showy.
Hen do and stag do were fairly normal events.
No one went into debt, and their flat was mortgage free anyway.

I am an "each to their own" person too, but find it disturbing that it causes so much family aggro and that sometimes brides become hugely demanding of others - e.g. a colour scheme for what everyone should wear - that seems OTT to me. It is not a west end show!

I am sure that the big business element is true. The job of big business is to manufacture demand.

By all means let people choose a big wedding over a house deposit - that is their choice - but maybe it is not necessary to make so many demands on guests - there is a real control element about this and the groom is seldom mentioned.

And they might spend a fortune and finish up like I did - my period started unexpectedly on the wedding day and I was worried that my colour scheme might include a bridal red streak! My wedding night was spent full of pain killers, clutching a hot water bottle and trying not to throw up. Oh joy!

I am also firmly in the camp, their wedding, their choice but I do think that young couples and their parents go into debt to not to be seen not having a very big “do”.
Bad English there but you know what I mean.

I don't know that Mumsnet is typical. My daughter got married a few years back and it was a lovely, simple affair. No children banned. No extravagant pre-wedding events. A really lovely day.

Cabbie21

It is sometimes said that the more extravagant the wedding, the sooner the couple will split up.

I find it odd that people prioritise spending on a wedding rather than on a home.

I didn't know this was an actual saying. It is something I have noticed to be true though.

weddings have changed so much over the years, A young couple I know were married last year and sent all the invitations by text, no transport for guests to the reception which was 20 miles away.

I am also in the each to their own camp.

I try not to judge others on their life choices, we have been to big formal weddings, small intimate ones, all sorts.

One of our AC had their reception in our garden, lots of work but a lovely afternoon and evening.

As for stag/hen parties I assume that the bride and groom know their friendship circle and choose something they will all enjoy.

I have been to different hen ‘do’s’ weekends away, cocktail making, meals in restaurants.

The most memorable was a club in London (my future d-i-l’s) fabulous evening she invited my mum who was in her 70’s who said it was one of the best nights of her life.

Among other things, to me, it is unfair to insist that friends pay out so much on expensive stag/hen celebrations abroad.

I’m very much in the each to their own camp.

This thread, often re-occurring will bring the usual comments of wasting money etc, but in reality, most of us here were probably married in the ‘70’s, when even a lavish wedding was quite simple and low cost, compared to today’s hospitality. By the way, mine was modest - registry office, followed by a meal at a local Hotel for 30, from where we left for a 3 night honeymoon in Windermere.
I know couples who have had simple weddings and taken cash from their parents instead. Other parents have paid out thousands for lavish weddings, as that’s what the couple wanted. DD1 and her then fiancé wanted to pay for her second wedding themselves, which we respected, but did give them a decent sum as a wedding gift. DD2’s out laws insisted on sharing the cost of that wedding, which meant we could also include the cost of their honeymoon in Malta.

We might have our options, but in reality, it’s not our choice?

It is sometimes said that the more extravagant the wedding, the sooner the couple will split up.

I find it odd that people prioritise spending on a wedding rather than on a home.

Dontcallmelove

There was a recent thread on there about how much people were expecting as monetary presents. That was an eye opener, with people stating they felt £150+ per person to be the minimum!

My DS friend had an abroad stag do which cost a fortune. The wedding was also abroad and was a 3 day event with a dress code for each day. Fortunately my son has a dinner suit, but lots of his friends didn’t and so had that as an added expense. Travel from the airport to the villa required car hire and all drinks had to be purchased from the venue. DS said it cost him a fortune. Weddings now are all about instagram, not joyous occasions.

I dont think it’s fair to expect friends to fork out for these expensive dos. If they are somewhat involved with the wedding then they are going to feel the pressure to attend these stag & hen dos.

DGS2 due to marry next year, not a particularly big wedding but nothing else is talked about, I reckon we shall all be exhausted before we get there! DH and I married in 3 months from engagement, so glad we did

I know friends who have children who have had these massive weddings.
Two have split up after only months & are still paying off their weddings.
One couple has had a huge, expensive wedding but they rent!
Each to their own I suppose!

There was a recent thread on there about how much people were expecting as monetary presents. That was an eye opener, with people stating they felt £150+ per person to be the minimum!

My DS friend had an abroad stag do which cost a fortune. The wedding was also abroad and was a 3 day event with a dress code for each day. Fortunately my son has a dinner suit, but lots of his friends didn’t and so had that as an added expense. Travel from the airport to the villa required car hire and all drinks had to be purchased from the venue. DS said it cost him a fortune. Weddings now are all about instagram, not joyous occasions.

I agree - sometimes it is the simplest weddings which are actually the most enjoyable. I think nowadays so much of it is all for show - for social media - and some couples have forgotten that it's not all about the 'big day'.

Weddings are big business now and there is a lot of pressure from those businesses to make the couple feel they have to do everything that is available.
The best wedding I've been to was my son's second one - very much DIY with everyone chipping in to help and provide food and garden flowers - and lots of decorations second hand from Facebook which were promptly resold afterwards