Eating with people who don't enjoy food

I have had 42 years of a 'fussy' eater. He is worse than a two year old. Friends are very kind and are use to him. His parents were a nightmare and that was his problem. Plain, bland food, basically meat and potatoes. I eat anything but I found my MiL's cooking boring and over cooked, brussels were stewed! I meet up with friends for curries occasionally which is lovely. Every year without fail my MiL would say, 'No Christmas pudding for me, I find it too rich' (Fine if you don't like it but this constant comment made me want to scream) I once had curry when they came to our house, they all had fish and chips. My MiL's comment? 'When so and so came to our house and ordered that we made them eat in the other room!' Needless to say, I stayed put, furious at her rudeness.

As a child we would eat out 4 or 5 times a week. My parents had hectic lifestyles, mother didn't know her way round the kitchen, so we went to restaurants. This continued until my late teens.

This has left me with a dislike of eating out. It's not a luxury for me, not pleasurable at all. I can't see the point.

So I just dont go.

Eating to me is just a necessity. The only food I actively enjoy is potted shrimps. I could eat them every day

I am 80 and have always enjoyed my food. However I had three close friends who always made me feel greedy because they always left most of their food and one of them only ate once a day. They are all dead now.

These days find MYSELF not enjoying food. My appetite is fine, although as I get older I favour lighter and lighter meals. Problem is I have been vegetarian for a good deal of my life, and my dear other half, not in the best of health and for other reasons not good in the kitchen, is still an enthusiastic carnivore. This never mattered before retirement and then becoming elderly - mainly because then I had the energy to cook veggie stuff for myself and feed others on the ever favourite (mainly) meat dishes they liked..
Now, after roasting a chicken and making gravy or something needing a sauce, I feel tired and find I have lost my appetite. So, I tend to eat either just veg, same as I've cooked for OH, a rare ready made veggie meal, or anything left in the fridge which appeals. This latter routine often leaves me searching out cheese and crackers at 2am! Suppose I should start devoting a day to batch cooking for myself, so I can freeze individual meals, but procrastination looms large.

I go for a group meal including someone who considers she enjoys fine dining, and loves sending dishes back because they are too hot, cold,under /overcooked etc or asking for adjustments to the menu, as in , could I have the burger but without the chilli dressing, because I am allergic to chilli.

It may not have been chilli, but the manager appeared, sat down besides her and explained at length that (whatever the food was) it wasn't an allergen, but rather something she simply didn't enjoy. She went slightly pink, and hasn't done it since.

I find food and eating in company very difficult. I had anorexia as a teenager and even many decades later I get anxious. The real anxiety inducing situations are when someone has invited us round for a meal and clearly have gone to a lot of trouble. My throat closes up and I can barely swallow. I know full well my hosts are being kind and its important to them, which unfortunately tends to make it worse. Please spare a thought for people who through no fault of their own dread eating in company. Shared meals are such a bonding experience, its actually very isolating to be this way and hosts get offended when no offence is meant.

I had a very overweight aunt who would never eat much at meal times saying she had a tiny appetite but 20 minutes later would eat a handful of biscuits. She was always saying she couldn’t understand why she was so much bigger than us when we ate so much more than her. I did try and point out if she had eaten more dinner she wouldn’t want the biscuits, but she never changed.

The first time we went to Florida in the eighties I was absolutely amazed at the meal servings. They all came up on oval platters which to my mind would have served a family of four. No matter how hungry I was it would totally put me off. Perhaps things are different now. At that time no one seemed to care about the wastage. And yes, plenty of morbidly obese people here now which we seem to have inherited.

I am and have always been a foodie.
Am also a 'feeder' and love all the planning and prep that goes into cooking for guests, so imagine my frustration when , having spent a lot of time and money to put on what I thought was a super spread for DS and DiL and large family, she enters the kitchen, surveys all the food and turns her nose up saying "If the eyes don't like it......"
I could have burst a blood vessel!

It seems to me that there's far too much judgement about people who don't want to gorge themselves in restaurants or who choose something that another thinks is tasteless or unappealing. And apart from the fact that it's up to individuals what they eat and in what proportions, there are many people suffering with generalised anxiety that often escalates in situations where they are expected to eat food in front of others. Thankfully we can still all make choices.

Tizliz, it sounds as though you've reached a point in your life where you really need to be kind to yourself so do think hard about whether you waste your energy worrying about what other people think of you if you take your time in a restaurant. And by the way, a quiet word with the proprietor or person taking your order to pass on to the chef will often result in your food arriving on your plate looking just as good as anybody else's but already prepared in smaller pieces.

luluaugust

All her life my poor mum had problems with food and dreaded eating out particularly with non family. She was told she had IBS and that was it. There were many embarrassing situations. She is long gone now but recent events have shown we have Coeliac disease in the family. Mum always thought a nice slice of bread and butter was the safest thing to have, if only we had all known, me included.
Your friends may have health reasons they do t like to mention for not being able to stuff themselves

Your poor mum! I love food but am a coeliac with bad IBS. It's a bit of a pain. My husband isn't at all interested in food and eats like a bird and can eat anything

How does their eating habits affect you? I'm confused as to how you were famished?

AGAA4

Hope he dumped her!
.

I used to enjoy food and eating out but since having to have dentures there's very little I can manage to eat now, always much slower than other people so I still have more than half a plateful left while everyone else has finished. And often there are things I am served up I simply can't eat, so end up pushing it round the plate pretending to eat it and then to avoid embarrassment I say I'm full and can't eat anything more. So please consider that those who aren't 'tucking in' with gusto and clearing their plates may have good reasons for what they are doing. I can assure you it is pure torture to have to leave the plate or table while still hungry, and being judged for it as well isn't nice. Tbh, I now try to avoid any social occasions where eating is a major part of the occasion.

Witzend

nanna8

What I find annoying is going to restaurants with people who order a meal and then just move it round their plates and leave half of it after complaining that something perfectly fine is ‘too tough’ or ‘too salty’ or whatever. Some seem to make a habit of this.

Dh’s aunt was like this. We used to take her for a pub lunch, but everything was too hot/too cold/too tough/too sloppy/they don’t know how to make pastry any more, you name it.
In the end we stopped taking her out - I’d take something very simple/basic I knew she liked, to cook at hers.

However she was very anti/suspicious of anything that wasn’t fresh meat/fish/veg, so given that she was always ‘starving!’ and I was expected to have it all ready within about 20 minutes, I used to decant M&S e.g. tinned minced beef or steak into a Tupperware, maybe add a few mushrooms, and pretend I’d cooked it.
She never twigged!

Love it ! 😀

Revolting table manners are the most off-putting to culinary enjoyment. Inability to hold spanners correctly, shovelling in massive quantities of food, talking with mouth full, not knowing what a napkin is for or how it should be used (sleeves, anyone/), scraping cutlery on the plate - I could go on. A "picky eater" any day. Depending whether one is at home or at a restaurant, one could either offer to help demolish untouched food, or ask for a doggy bag before it congeals!!!

Just a thought!

WelshPoppy if you can't laugh you will cry. Not offended

My sympathies to Biscuitmuncher! I miss my old school friend who also liked her food and cooking. RIP. Another friend invited me to some posh place for services rendered but proceeded to chop all the food on plate into small bits then down the knife and used a fork American style. On another occasion, I went to trouble over a meal in my own house only to have same habit and no comment on the medley of flavours presented. Same person went to a resort on our recommendations but ignored choice of restaurants to eat out in and availed of small cafe in apartment block every night.

I am like this, love thinking about and planning what I'm going to make for dinner or have for lunch, Dh hpwever had no interest at all in food, and huffs and puffs if I ask for ideas. I've now said if he doesn't like what I've cooked he can make himself something else, rather than insist he tells me what he would like

Tizliz

My Parkinson's means I have very little appetite, eat slowly and have trouble cutting up my meal. I dread going out but I can't insist my OH stays in so I have to cope. I hate to think other people think badly of me.

Tizliz please don't think I'm laughing at your illness, I'm not, but years ago I used to help transport people in the community with Parkinson's to their monthly get together and was invited to their Christmas parties. One year I was sat next to a gentleman whose tremors were quite pronounced. The first course came around - soup. The poor chap had a heck of a job trying to control the soup on his spoon, even with some help. I laughed when he called over to the organiser - "Haven't you got the idea yet that f*****g soup is the last thing that should be served to us, half of us will be wearing it home!"

If you intend to stay with them in the same type of hotel another time, I would politely mention when the visit was first talk of and before bookings were made, that I need rather a lot more food than they, and could you please order and pay for your own meals.

Chestnut

I'm afraid fast eaters would put me off my food, depending on their table manners. If they were 'gobbling' the food down, talking at the same time and generally looking pretty gross then I would probably leave half my plate because it makes me feel rather nauseous seeing that. Even more so if they are fat as well. I think I'd rather eat with the picky type so long as I had enough food on my plate.

Ouch at “fat as well”

JenniferEccles

I’m not a fussy eater as I will eat most things but I haven’t got a big appetite.
Like everyone though I’ve got my favourites but I wouldn’t describe myself as a foodie.

I’m small so I get full quite quickly.
Over the last few years portion sizes in restaurants have got so large that I find it off putting.

It amazes me to be honest, just how much food some people can put away.
No wonder there’s an obesity crisis.

I agree.

I'm not at all fussy, I just don't eat much and fill up easily - I'm quite small, preferring to stay trim. Why anyone cares what I eat baffles me.

May as well be dead if you don’t enjoy your food 🤣

Went on holiday with family members who dont eat much so we felt obliged to be same or felt like greedy pigs(we arent) but all food was paid for(even theirs) and you could eat as much as you liked(Did not pig out but we like to try a bit of different foods) but felt like we couldnt...

JenniferEccles

I’m not a fussy eater as I will eat most things but I haven’t got a big appetite.
Like everyone though I’ve got my favourites but I wouldn’t describe myself as a foodie.

I’m small so I get full quite quickly.
Over the last few years portion sizes in restaurants have got so large that I find it off putting.

It amazes me to be honest, just how much food some people can put away.
No wonder there’s an obesity crisis.

I could have written this post.