Large social gatherings

I dislike big gatherings now and avoid if possible.

But I still remember with shudders a pre-Christmas do chez friends (not close) who we hadn’t seen for some time, and who lived a fair old drive away. And dh was away for work, so I was going solo.

I knew nobody but the hosts, and they seemed to be permanently in the kitchen!
So did my valiant best to make conversation with a couple standing on their own.

(Nice bright tone) - ‘Are you going away for Christmas?’

‘No.’

‘Have you finished all your Christmas shopping?’

‘Yes.’

Honestly, it was a nightmare - no attempt to ‘throw the ball back’ so to speak!

I was so relieved when another old friend very belatedly turned up!

It was a bloody awful drive, too - narrow, unlit country lanes, no markings, let alone cats’ eyes….😩

I was nobbled by someone who obviously felt as awkward as me last night. Unfortunately there seemed no escape and she talked and talked about herself and her life but didn't give me a chance to say anything. I escaped at last. I suppose it's a case of be careful what you wish for...

I hate these things, but I do look around for someone else who looks like she does too and go and introduce myself, tell them I know nobody so am introducing myself to random strangers, as we have the host in common at least.
I do get the odd strange look and hasty retreat but have made some new friends that way

I’m by nature shy but I have learnt, to some extent, how to deal with it. My approach is to look for someone who also seems to be on their own. I would introduce myself by name and say “I don’t know anyone here, do you?” Then go on to explain why Im there and where I come from (for me Eastbourne). Hopefully that gains a bit of trust the person I’ve approached knows Im not finding it easy, they know my name and maybe they know where I come from and from there we can edge into a conversation.,,

Tell yourself that you'll talk to as many people as you can! Smile at everyone, and be happy. Positivity breeds positively. Yesterday morning I was so happy in the sunshine that I was going around with a smile on my face which I hadn't noticed. A women spoke to me as I was passing her, 'Sorry ? ' I said as didn't hear what she said. 'We're in paradise! ' she said. I smiled and agreed.

Probably well over half the people (also partners?) there are also dreading it.
I'd say talk to anyone who looks as if they are not enjoying it or find yourself a not too out of the way and watch. You might politically 'slightly twist your ankle' before so you have a good excuse to sit so hubby is not irritated.
Does he know how you feel?

It's nice that they want you there though handbaghoarder

My idea of hell. What happens as we get older that such things often become such a burden. ? Or have we always been like it but maybe just put up with it?
And as some have said maybe even enjoyed it once there.? There is a BBQ do at our local pub tonight which will be busy. Ive just had a message from my niece to say she and her family ( including my sister and BIL) are going. See them there. I had no intention of going and still have no intention of going. I love them all to bits but simply cannot be bothered to chat and be sociable and would rather stay home. For context I am 73, having heart problems leaving me SOB and exhausted. Its all just too much effort,( though I do wonder if I am using my health as an excuse?)

Thinking about social gatherings/parties I think I would be happier now than at any time in the past. Mainly because DH wouldnt be with me. He went through many years of heavy drinking and spoilt a lot of my "social" life. And I would enjoy it even more if I had no part in any of the arrangements such turn up and enjoy it.
Of course I may change my mind over any sort of working life gathering.

My worst nightmare too, a long time since I ve been to ‘a do’ and one of the perks of getting old, I can use my age to my advantage to get out of such things.
Never really liked parties unless I was footless and fancy free
I had a husband ( notice I said had) who would dump me down and leave me while he disappeared (often literally) it was so embarrassing sitting like billy no mates

Treat yourself to a new swimsuit from the hotel shop ?

I can't believe it but I forgot to pack one of my 4 swimsuits! I'm so cross with myself.
Luckily I have my well filled Kindle with me.

Is there a pool there? Did you bring your cozzy? I would be tempted to spend a lot of time relaxing by it. Too hot to go sightseeing or walking outside unless you are somewhere in the country that is currently nice and cool. Hope you have got some good books.
Enjoy not having to cook for 3 days. Nor clean anything.

I've met one or two people to talk to. Just small talk though. Too noisy to hear anything people were saying last night (which was fine). I made an early exit after the dinner.

Used to do this with Mr C, thankfully two not three days. After a few years the organisation arranged a guided trip out for partners - male and female - which allowed some sense of getting to know people. Before that the days were OK, I’d either go out or relax and read, the evenings were more than uncomfortable. I’m not a group person. During the days out I discovered I wasn’t alone. Good luck Aveline, there will be others on the edge of things.

It depends what sort of people are there. If they are people I would feel congenial towards, naturally gravitate towards, share cultural/social values, and likely to enjoy chatting to, it's OK. I'd probably want to leave early and get a taxi with some reasonable excuse and a smile.

If its as you describe I'd hate it. I've never been someone's other half in a situation like that.

Respectful funerals, and the like, even if it's someone whose social circles I'd not met, well, thats different.

Either stay at home and pretend to be ill. Or go and sit in the corner with earbuds on listening to music you really like, and get really drunk.

jakuss

Stick with hubby, nod, and smile at appropriate times, agree with everyone,

For three days. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Indeed Aveline - enjoy the lovely area you are staying in, make the most of it. I’m sure you can muster all your confidence and mingle with others - smile and make polite conversations -,you can do it!!

Three days? What a pain. But don't worry. It will be what it will be. Three days is not long in a lifetime.
Perhaps you might become slightly unwell, a migraine perhaps, and have to spend some time resting in your room. Or perhaps your headache will require fresh air and a walk on your own or a quiet place to sit in the grounds
I am quite extroverted. But everybody feels dread and social unease in this sort of situation. And those who are in the cliques will have not been in a clique and felt awkward at some time in their lives too. We are always much more aware of ourselves in social situations than the people around us are aware of us. Good luck. You can do this. I hope you will have an unexpectedly nice time. Or if not, chalk it up to experience.
.

Stick with hubby, nod, and smile at appropriate times, agree with everyone,

Sounds awful, I agree that I’d try to find another woman who looks lost and latch on to her, but it’s a strain trying to make small talk. I’ve always done my best in situations like this, but once noticed my SIL taking himself off from a large gathering and going to read a book. When I asked about it, I was told that he’s an introvert and finds these gatherings too intense. Everyone seemed to accept this, but I don’t think I’d dare try it. I must add that he’s perfectly chatty and sociable usually.
On another occasion I was on a 3 day work training course where we were all expected to socialise in the evenings. I hated it, making small talk, when all I wanted was to go to my room and relax. There was another woman there I knew and liked, but when I asked if we could sit together at dinner, she told me she hated these things and always brought an M&S sandwich which she ate in her room, and no one ever noticed. What a good idea I thought.

I avoid situations like this like the plague. I used to go to events like that, but now that I am 80 I just don't and I don't feel guilty about it

Surely some responsibility falls on your DH to involve you in things, or see that you have people to link up with? On the business gatherings I attended with DW the "companions" (nearly all wives) got together pretty quickly.

Think I agree with Norah...I can't bear big events.Maybe your DH should make sure you are introduced to a few people. And if he can't pull himself away from his group or include you then personally I wouldn't be interested in tagging along without knowing anyone as they're usually quite set in sticking with who they know. There again I could be wrong and you might have a ball!