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How to age with dignity

(80 Posts)
Violetbynight Sun 10-May-26 11:19:10

Fed up with pills, scans and chats about my age. Now determined to enjoy life. Interests are scrabble, animals, gardening, reading etc. Looking forward to getting my health sorted out. I had a pacemaker last year which is not permitting me to go on the marathons I was promised. Joining Gransnet is a new venture.

Lollipop1 Mon 11-May-26 14:37:58

Violetbynight

For the incontinence pelvic floor exercises help a lot. Memory lapses are sometimes due to the numerous pills that we are prescribed as brain fog is often listed in the side effects. We are overwhelmed with dementia warnings and worry unnecessarily when we can’t remember everything, whereas when we were young we would laugh about it. The brain is like a computer and occasionally gets overloaded with information. It needs to be freed up to let the next bit of information in.

My dad told me when I was in my 60's that a brain could only remember a certain number of facts and to let another one in a gap had to be made so one got thrown out. He never lost his faculties and lived to 96 and anyway he was my dad so I believe him!
Needless to say, I'm 79 and I have only ever remembered important things I don't even try to recall the rest. Authors, book titles, characters all forgotten before I start the next book.

Lupatria Mon 11-May-26 14:30:18

dignity - don't know the meaning of the word!
my body might say at 78 (almost 79) that i'm getting older but i refuse to admit it.
so I will have to be dragged kicking and screaming with no dignity whatsoever into old age!

Tooyoungytobeagrandma Mon 11-May-26 14:26:37

Im with the "why bother" crew. Spent too many years being dumbed down my exh now living how I want. I have a new DH who keeps me on my arthritic toes. We go out and when on hols Im known to get up and dance and do a bit of Kareoke so hardly"dignified"😁 I decided years ago I would grow old disgracefully after being "good" all my married/working life. As for kids, I dont give a damn what they think, they've embarrassed me I the past and its my time now to make the most of life 😉

monami Mon 11-May-26 14:25:06

why bother aging with dignity, just do as you like, no one cares when youre gone, its not like it was with our parents, people move on a week after youre dead, have a great few last years

Sandrax Mon 11-May-26 14:17:07

I first heard Jenny Joseph's poem aged 20 and started practicing.
Gogol Bordello also inspired me dancing in the rain at Glastonbury.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOALdwGd34E
I'm 79 now and still enjoying life.

WithNobsOnIt Mon 11-May-26 14:14:10

I was hoping for a Sex and Drugs and Rock.and Roll.retitement.

But this has been curtailed by lack of suitable men , limited income and arthritis.

But l am still.rnjoying life as much as l can doing things that give me pleasure or are entertaining.

Happy Retirement

🎆

knspol Mon 11-May-26 14:13:42

I think sometimes there's too much attention paid to being dignified, dressing to suit our age and the like. Personally I know I'm guilty of this but occasionally endeavour to adhere to Jenny Joseph's philosophy and grow old disgracefully and why not?!

M0nica Mon 11-May-26 09:31:41

I was born in wartime and lived through all the privations that followed. I was born and spent my early childhood in London, my graandmother's huse was destroyed in the Blitz. All my eneration, and the Boomers lived through the Cold War, where we lived under the fear that every day could be our last one.

Employment now may be difficult, but do you not remember the 1980s when tens of thousands of people were being made redundant every week and British manufacturing industry was collapsing.

At that time I can remember having to drive from Reading to the other side of Hull for a business meeting in the mid 1980s I left home with plenty of time expecting the motorways to be as busy as I remembered in the 1970s and I was appalled to find how empty the roads were. Driving north past derelict industrial estates, one after the other, all tatty 'to let/for sale signs. I remember seeing children begging at tube stations in London. Something I had never ever seen before in this country.

In the 1990s there was another round of major redundancies, this time part hidden by encouraging older people, 50 plus, to retire later. I worked for a company that had to lose 75,000 staff as a result of a change in its regulatory regime. I was one of the over 50s who 'volunteered' for redundancy because I knew that if i did not, the moment the generous redundancy scheme ended, I would be out on my ear with a minimal pay-off. Then there were all the foreclosures and evictions and plunging house prices that ruined so many in the late 80s, early 90s. DD got on the housing ladder because the flat she bought in South London halved in price between 1988 and 1992. In 1988 someone paid £68,000 and sold it to DD in 1993 for £32,000. Houses were cheaper then because interst rates were so high. Do you remmeber mortgage interest being 10% plus?

Now I do not deny all the things Franbern said, but that was only half of the story. Our lives have not been a smooth untroubled path, with houses dropping into our hands for, we have had as many problems and diffculties as today's generation, just different and as we get older we tend to forget the bad times and remember the good, while the young only see the advantages we had and not the disadvantages.

sixandahalf Mon 11-May-26 09:21:52

I think "dignity" is quite important. To be neat and tidy and make sense most of the time!

Franbern Mon 11-May-26 09:12:14

We older people in UK have been about the most fortunate of all generations. As babies or small children, the NHS was born and has given us free at the point of use medical care for most or all of our lives. Women were able to control their own child-bearing - even including not having any babies if they did not want them. For those who could and wished, higher education was totally free often with a grant being given. We received our old age pensions at 60 years and our free bus passes etc. We were the first generation where women were able to get mortgages in their own (or shared with partner/hubbie). Increasing amount of machines in our homes (washing machine, fridge, microwaves, etc etc) gave us all an easier domestic life.

I am just four weeks away from my 85th birthday. Yes I do have a multitude of physical problems, most being treated by the NHS. I use mobility scooter/electric wheelchair to get about. Own my own lovely flat and am able to live a totally independent life again, thanks to equipment there.

I am enjoying my life, belong to various interest groups, volunteer roles at several of these. Keeps me (and my brain) active and busy. I feel very fortunate.

I have five adult children, do see them and my grandchildren - but the last thing I want any of them to do is to be my carer. Just hope they will have a good a time in retirement as I am having. I have no car, no mortgage, no pets, no passport (so no foreign holidays) - and therefore can manage my finances perfectly well just state pension & Pension Credit< as for several years of my 'working life' I was a carer for my hubbie (MS), and also a parent to my six children and a foster parent, so reduced pension.

Chocolatelovinggran Mon 11-May-26 07:39:27

Welcome, Violetbynight. I hope that you find lots to enjoy on GN.

SpinDriftCoastal Mon 11-May-26 07:33:32

I find that I don't have the full connecting process of extrapolating as I used to. For example, if something needs to be done, I just do the basics and don't tie it up with the what ifs and 'may be'. I do my best to be social, neat, tidy, presentable, polite, etc but if it is not up to expected standard then I just don't care.

fancyflowers Sun 10-May-26 23:25:53

Sorry. Typo. Violetbynight

fancyflowers Sun 10-May-26 23:24:28

Welcome Violet tonight. I would love to be dignified, but being short and plump doesn't really lend itself.

I'd have a better chance if I were tall and willowy, with flowing garments instead of a top and leggings, but it's not going to happen.

I'm not actually bothered about the dignity bit. I want to read interesting books, tend to my tiny garden and see my daughters and grandchildren.

merlotgran Sun 10-May-26 23:14:14

Wyllow3

Rather than use the word dignity, I''d see it as "pride in self".
Self respect goes a long way in tough times.

And you are treated accordingly.

Wyllow3 Sun 10-May-26 23:02:40

Rather than use the word dignity, I''d see it as "pride in self".
Self respect goes a long way in tough times.

Daddima Sun 10-May-26 22:59:37

M0nica

Aveline

I always feel sorry for people who dye their hair blue or pink. Makes me wonder what they're trying to prove or cover up.

Why should they be hiding everything. I am determined should my hair go white that I will diye it ginger red. Why? because I always wanted red hair, probably not ginger, but a girl at school had beautiful copper coloured hair and I envied it so much.

I am now ginger, because I too always loved ginger hair, and my first crush, when I was four, was the red haired boy who delivered our newspaper! I was delighted when my very dark brown hair began to go grey, so I could gradually apply the ‘light auburn’!
I do see women who look great with grey or white hair, but I don’t think I’d be one of them!

Georgesgran Sun 10-May-26 22:31:41

My hair is purple, well a sort of lavender! Just makes me stand out from other grey haired old ladies. I’m often complemented on it and my DGSs love it.

Mel1967 Sun 10-May-26 22:22:19

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M0nica Sun 10-May-26 22:08:33

Aveline

I always feel sorry for people who dye their hair blue or pink. Makes me wonder what they're trying to prove or cover up.

Why should they be hiding everything. I am determined should my hair go white that I will diye it ginger red. Why? because I always wanted red hair, probably not ginger, but a girl at school had beautiful copper coloured hair and I envied it so much.

Rocketstop2 Sun 10-May-26 19:11:22

Hello VioletbyNight,Hope you feel welcome here , it's a great place to discuss things, and if you get anxious for your health there is a forum on 'Health'
Hopefully you won't need that and you'll be raring to go !

boheminan Sun 10-May-26 19:10:48

My hair, so far has been (a full head of) purple, blue and now is a vibrant red. I'm not trying to cover up anything or prove anything, I just like it like that.

I do remember way back when I was in my late teens I vowed I'd never have blue streaks put in my hair cos it's what 'little old ladies had'.

There we go

MarieElla Sun 10-May-26 19:05:29

I celebrate getting older as I have lost too many friends who were too young.
I think the best way is to not overly care about how you look but to definitely care about how you feel.
Take HRT if the symptoms of menopause are affecting your life negatively.
Take an antidepressant if your anxiety (and depression) are limiting your experiences.
Take it all and enjoy life!

teabagwoman Sun 10-May-26 18:56:12

Welcome violetatnight, you’ll find many different opinions here, many good ideas and lots of support.

As to dignity, I’ve never been dignified but I was a pretty competent person and I do resent the fact that my disabilities make me look a right idiot at times. I’m learning to accept that by degrees and on the plus side a meet a lot of kindness.

Aveline Sun 10-May-26 17:57:57

I always feel sorry for people who dye their hair blue or pink. Makes me wonder what they're trying to prove or cover up.