How to Keep Living at Home Longer

I gave up driving many years ago as I couldn’t afford it and could not now afford taxis. Where I live is very hilly. I will never be able to have a mobility vehicle as there are steps up to my gate.
What I do have is a local bus from our high street to the end of my road. If I need to go anywhere else I have to ask for lifts.
I’ve recently decided that retirement flats are a bad idea financially so expect to be here, in an ever-shrinking world, for the rest of my life.

Some of you seem some way off making decisions. Hopefully you can get hints from those living through this time.

I’m 74 and in good health but I do suffer from depression. DH is 72 and has lots of aches and pains along with a bad back. We are not close to each other and I would have left if I had been a lot younger. I feel it’s too late. I want us both to stay in our house forever but that might not be possible. I dread the thought of what might be. We have a rubbish bus service and the taxis are expensive. Both drive. I’m estranged from my daughter these past 11 plus years. Close to youngest son and fairly close to eldest son but they both live a good distance away. I’m scared stiff thinking about what we have left.

grandMattie

I gave up my car when I moved to Bristol, when DH died.
I made sure I was near buses, shops, doctor and dentist before buying!
I bought a retirement home, and can say that in my life, I haven’t had such friendly neighbour since. I know most of their names, chat to them and know the6 would be available for minor help should I need it. I must say that I am one of the younger ones at 78 but most of them are mobile and in full possession of their marbles!
I have no idea what will happen to me once I lose either mobility or worse, my faculties.
I try to keep as mobile and healthy as possible.

Thats my plan, a local good McCarthy and Stone. Large flats.
Lots of Zooms or FaceTime as my family are not close.

I cant count on them for a lot as they have such a disabled DD she will need either to go into a home and have lots of visits and to take up lots of money when she gets to 18 + and I get into my early/mid 80's.

Like the idea of exercise U tubes when I cant make the gym.

dogsmother

My thoughts on not being able to drive have always been the same. No car = no insurance, no price of car. How long would that go on taxi fares. Probably a couple of years. Throw in bus passes, delivery’s, and lifts from others occasionally. Maybe it won’t be so bad.

My mother was a "taxi" for those who did not drive and disappointed many when she stopped at 83. (I must admit she was a terrible driver from the start, so I was quite relieved).

She moved to a bungalow close to the city centre and bought a scooter. She used her bus pass a great deal even refusing to have her food delivered.

Saving on not buying a new car, insurance and tax was worth it for the taxis to her bowls club, which usually elicited a lift home as she was not that far. She got great rates for being a regular customer and avoiding the commuting and school run times.

We have a bookable local community transport scheme which she did use once or twice.

Thank you for sharing your experience Franbern. I think your experience shows just how important AA is.

Franbern I’m delighted to hear you have AA at the higher rate, you are exactly the person is it designed for.
I’m sure we all know someone who seems to qualify when it doesn’t seem justified but the I know many disabilities are unseen so I must be open minded.

Henetha - I have Attendance Allowance (higher). I do not, and never had anyone coming to do any 'attendance'.
I use that money to provide me with the means to live, independently in my own home.
I have various physical illnesses and very limited mobility. Gave up driving some five years ago. Use a mobility scooter to get around locally and attend my groups and social activities. For longer journeys I use public transport - buses, trains etc. using a small electric wheelchair. Even with AA i find taxis too expensive, except for very occasional use.
Live in a lovely flat, which I have used this AA money to ensure is easy for me to run, and very safe. Have a trolley to hold on to and take items from kitchen into my living/dining room. My en-suite has a higher loo and an easy to use shower cubicle.
Alexa also helps me, and is there as a mean to call for assistance on the rare occasions I may need it. Have supermarket delivery most weeks but do enjoy occasional trip on my scooter to very large nearby Tesco and find that all the staff there are well trained and extremely helpful - and they pack my bag for me.
I receive the higher allowance as I do have some problems some nights with my stoma and occasionally have to change bedding, in the middle of the night. My kitchen with washing machine is close to my bedroom, so can actually put on washing in the middle of the night. I also, now, use a CPAP machine every night.
I have inter-muscular injections every four weeks, and now do those unsupervised. Lovely local pharmacy and I use on-line patient access to order repeat prescriptions as necessary. Bus takes me in wheelchair to local hospital for the different tests I require.
I have a very good quality riser/recliner chair with motors to support my neck and spine.
So, AA pays for my mobility equipment and my home improvements, without it I would probably require so much more expensive care.
When you complete an AA Application form, it needs to be as of your worst times, not the times you manage to cope. Be totally honest.
I completed mine completely by myself, some six years ago. This Allowance has and does a good standard of independence and am very grateful for it.

Totally agree! We're about 1.5 miles from our little town but there's a fairly steep hill coming home and I wouldn't want to carry shopping up it. We have absolutely no public transport but there is a ring and ride service, I've never used it but some of my neighbours do use it. We haven't down sized yet, keep putting it off but we'll probably move nearer to our younger daughter, access to public transport will be an absolute must and a downstairs bedroom with bathroom (or space to create one) is another essential. tbh I just hate the idea of moving as I love my house and garden, have excellent neighbours and I'm really embedded into the local community but the house and garden is much too big and I can see that OH worries about it.

foxie48

1.5 miles, even on the flat is not doable for most elderly people unless they have good mobility.

When I bought the flat foxie48 I also checked on the buses as there is a bus stop just round the corner. Six years later later and there are only four buses into town and the down and up buses cross time wise so you could easily find yourself waiting two hours for one to go back. I can, of course, get most things delivered but this must ultimately compromise mobility and could make it hard to socialise. Don't get me wrong, this is the best compromise for me. I could have a small house much closer but might have to deal with no downstairs toilet and very steep stairs. There are some flats close to the centre of town by the river but, as you may imagine, they are at the top of the price ladder.

What I'm really trying to say is that you will not get everything you need for the possible 30 years of retirement. Weight those things on your list you see as essential, affordable, or just a wish. I will find a way round the distance; all is well now I have replaced my car but I have had a reality check which is a good thing.

1.5 miles, even on the flat is not doable for most elderly people unless they have good mobility.

It is help needed with personal care that is covered by attendance allowance, not ability to do household chores.
I, since earlier this year, get the higher rate because I need someone there all the time because of frequent falls, very poor mobility and help needed getting safely in and out of bed among other things.
I have used my AA over the years to buy aids, rollators and things such as special cutlery because of my RA and, most recently, my mobility scooter.
Since my last heart failure hospital admission I have also used part of it to employ a weekly cleaner, which has made a huge difference to me. Once you have it, you can use it for anything you like!
I have always filled in the forms myself and it is very tedious and longwinded. They want loads of evidence these days - I had to send pictures of me with my walking aids etc - but worth it in the end.

pen50

Number one is plan for a future without a car. Don't move to a small village without a decent bus service. I reckon location-wise we're perfect; within 1.5 miles maximum level walk of hospital, mainline station, doctor, dentist, town centre, pubs, restaurants, Friday farmers' market, two independent cinemas plus a Vue, live music venue etc. The only things we're missing are a commercial theatre and a John Lewis, and both are an easy bus ride away.

This hasn't worked for me though pen50. I am, at the most 1 mile from my nearest supermarket and an M&S Foods, less than 1.5 miles from my surgery, church and favourite coffee shop. I was 70 when I moved here and that seemed OK.; it isn't now. We have all the things within that distance but I can no longer walk that far. We have buses but they are not frequent enough. If I had the energy I would start a campaign for community buses.

I am left knowing that I am comfortable, safe, and happy where I live and that we cant get it all right all the time. Some thing are less accessible than they were and I need to find solutions that suit my personal issues and these threads have been the source of much help.

Well done for getting it all right for your immediate capabilities though.

This is a bit gross I know, but our experience with my very elderly parents has persuaded me that one thing I will definitely have in my home if I make it to that age is a Japanese toilet.

Number one is plan for a future without a car. Don't move to a small village without a decent bus service. I reckon location-wise we're perfect; within 1.5 miles maximum level walk of hospital, mainline station, doctor, dentist, town centre, pubs, restaurants, Friday farmers' market, two independent cinemas plus a Vue, live music venue etc. The only things we're missing are a commercial theatre and a John Lewis, and both are an easy bus ride away.

It's good to hear you tried again and shows it's worth it.

For those of us who are getting older but are still mobile I strongly recommend some strength exercise classes. After my accident Jan 2024 I had a longish period of inactivity not helped by being on a waiting list to get a heart problem sorted. I lost a lot of general fitness but once recovered after getting my heart sorted in July/August of last year I started exercising using weights and building cardio fitness. Seven months in and I feel a different person, so much stronger and fitter. I know it's not for everyone but if you can still manage to do some exercise, even if it's sitting in a chair, it will help to keep you mobile and more independent longer.

Thanks for helpful remarks everyone. I installed a grab handle in the shower cubicle some time ago, and bought a long handled brush so I can wash my back and my legs.
Also, I keep a plastic washing up bowl in the shower so that I can stand in it (one foot at a time, only) and therefore clean my feet.
I like trying various ideas so that I can cope. But it would still be nice to have a cleaner.

My H had a mixed diagnosis of Alzheimer’s and a form of dementia, and had a major stroke from which he made a partial recovery .
He could not leave the house alone couldn’t walk more than a few yards and only then with a rollator.
I was turned down for AA the first time I applied on his behalf after a phone call from them.
It was such a trivial point, I can’t quite remember what it was.
I applied three months later and he was awarded at the higher level.
I got the help of Age UK to fill in the firms.

4allweknow

*DaisyAnneReturs. Attendance Allowance if you can't clean! I just can't be bothered, perhaps it's some form of dementia as used to love cleaning. Of course nothing to do with realising life is too short and I have more interesting things to do. Will keep it in mind though, even the lowest rate would be acceptable.

I'm not sure what you mean 4allweknow. You get Attendance Allowence if you can show that your needs are such that a reasonable person would say you need help, reminders, watching over, or assistance, even if you currently cope alone. This will mean evidencing your application. For instance you could supply medical evidence. Useful documents include:

GP summary or supporting letter
Consultant or specialist letters
Hospital discharge summaries
Care plans
Occupational therapist assessments
Physiotherapy or mental health reports
Prescription lists
Dementia or cognitive assessment reports (if relevant)

A targeted GP letter explaining functional difficulties is usually more useful than pages of medical history. Examples of what these might show would be that the applicant needed prompting to wash or eat, has a falls risk, experiences confusion at night, cannot cannot manage medication safely,
requires supervision outdoors.

You or a relative could also keep a care needs diary over the previous one or two weeks and/or written statement from partner, family member, friend, neighbour or paid carer. These can be very persuasive if it explains: what help they provide, how often, risks if no help were available.

Useful professionals could include from district nurses, social workers, carers, occupational therapists, support workers, care home staff.

Evidence of aids or adaptations could mention: walking aids, stairlifts, grab rails, commodes, incontinence products, medication organisers, alarms or monitoring devices.

Perhaps you could explain your post. Applying for AA is well worth it and helps people stay at home. It is certainly not a joke or a reason to diminish those whose lives, and the lives of their carers, are made a little easier because they are able to claim it.

I only paid £500 for my mobility scooter, which I found second hand on Facebook. It had hardly been used! I did have to get it collected from the seller, but I could no doubt have arranged to have it collected and delivered for £100 or so more.

*DaisyAnneReturs. Attendance Allowance if you can't clean! I just can't be bothered, perhaps it's some form of dementia as used to love cleaning. Of course nothing to do with realising life is too short and I have more interesting things to do. Will keep it in mind though, even the lowest rate would be acceptable.

Lupatria I have thought I would look at mobility scooters if I couldn't drive - my walking won't get better. The one thing I keep thinking is that it's not so great in bad weather but I'm sure there are ways round that!

Romola you are right, much though we don't want to think of these changes.

I asked AI about comparative costs. I found this interesting.

Care at home is often cheaper than a care home, particularly for couples, those needing low-level support, or when avoiding expensive 24-hour residential fees. Government support (local authority) is available if you have assets below £23,250. NHS funding is available for significant health needs regardless of assets.

When Care at Home is Cheaper:
• Lower Support Needs: Hourly home care is significantly cheaper than residential care if you only need a few hours of support per day.
• Couples: When a couple lives together, it is often more cost-effective to have care tailored to both individuals at home rather than paying for two residential beds.
• Assets and Home Value: If you receive care at home, your home is not included in the financial assessment, preserving it.
• Live-in Care Limits: Even full-time live-in care can be cheaper or comparable to a nursing home, depending on your location and the provider.
When the Government (Local Authority) pays Local authority funding is based on a means test:
• Capital below £14,250: You will pay what you can afford from your income, but the council may pay for the rest.
• Capital between £14,250 and £23,250: You will pay what you can afford from your income, plus a portion of your capital.
• Capital over £23,250: You are usually responsible for the full cost of your care, known as self-funding.
Note: In 2026, the upper capital limit remains at £23,250.
Other Funding Sources:
• NHS Continuing Healthcare (CHC): A non-means-tested package funded by the NHS for people with a primary health need, which can be used for care at home.
• Attendance Allowance: For those over state pension age, not means-tested, helping with costs to stay independent.
• Personal Independence Payment (PIP): For people under state pension age who need extra help.
• NHS Funded Nursing Care (FNC): A flat rate paid by the NHS towards nursing care if you are in a care home.
How to Get Support:
• Request a Care Needs Assessment: Contact your local council social services for an assessment to determine what care you need, which is free.
• Request a Financial Assessment: If you have low savings, the council will assess what you can afford to pay.
• Check for NHS Funding: Ask for an NHS Continuing Healthcare assessment.

This is going to sound a bit grim but I'm going to say it anyway.
Keep old friends close, but make new ones too. Because old friends may move away nearer family, may become ill or demented, may die. It happens.

If you wnt to stay at home longer make sure you never need to be admitted to hospital. If you are do not let them discharge you to a care home even if they say it is for rehab. Tell them you will be discharged home and rehabed at home.

I have a list of the local care company which will send me a helper, where to hire a hospital bed from if I should need one and the NHS says they have not got one, which company will deliver frozen meals etc. In the house I have a folding toilet frame and a perching chair. For admission tohospital i have a spare phone charger, tooth brush, night dress etc. I alredy have heave a key safe with a house key in it.