Integrating a baby into family life

I suppose we just got on with it because we had to Allira. While not in the Services my DH worked away from home so was away for several days a week, I had to manage on my own so did. I adapted my routines to fit around his working shifts so we had family time when he was home. It wasn't always easy, but my children all say they had brilliant childhoods, I can't think of a greater compliment.

Rosie51

We used to visit my parents at least once a month with four children, all of whom had done the 50 minute journey (minimum) each way from about three weeks old. Goodness we even did 5 or 6 hour journeys down to Devon for holidays. The youngest to do that journey was only 4 months old.
Worked OK for us. If someone tried and found the baby screamed for the entire hour journey both ways I could understand the reluctance to do it again, but how very limiting not to be able to travel more than 20 or 30 minutes distance.

We travelled from the West Country up North with babies and children to visit family (and I did this on my own on the train too).
I'd also strap a baby in the car, drive from London up North to care for elderly parents.

Why do some new mothers these days need so much help?
They aren't all like that, I'm sure.

We used to visit my parents at least once a month with four children, all of whom had done the 50 minute journey (minimum) each way from about three weeks old. Goodness we even did 5 or 6 hour journeys down to Devon for holidays. The youngest to do that journey was only 4 months old.
Worked OK for us. If someone tried and found the baby screamed for the entire hour journey both ways I could understand the reluctance to do it again, but how very limiting not to be able to travel more than 20 or 30 minutes distance.

I'd not drive an hour and hour back with a perhaps screaming baby

Mine slept in the car! Lulled them off to the Land of Nod.

Allira

^I once attempted to explain long distances whist driving round with a baby. Was told I was wrong. I'm correct but it's not worth a debate^ [Grin]

I presume that is a sideways swipe at me when I said I thought an hour away was hardly any distance compared to some.

For someone who stays in the same vicinity all their life, it, it may seem a long way.
Many people don't.

For others who do not live near family, one hour's journey is no distance at all.
At least in this case it would be a reason to detach the baby, put it in a car seat and hope it has an hour's sleep. 😴

No sideswipe. I'd no idea who said my notion of distance travel with baby was wrong, it was a different thread.

I'd not drive an hour and hour back with a perhaps screaming baby. I'm not wrong in regards to journeys. You've an opinion as do I.

All families are different in what they will accept.

It reminds me of telling a DC "I've told you not to do that a hundred times!"
"Well, actually, Mum, it's only seven".
🙄

Doodledog

Allira

I'm sorry you've had to say what you felt 100 times.

There are only 114 posts on this thread! Well 115 after this one.
😂

Maybe so, but it felt as though I said the same thing about the intentions behind my post a hundred times, only to be told that no, I don't know my own mind, and I meant something totally different.

As for driving for an hour with a baby in the car, all I can say is that much depends on the baby . One of mine loved the car, and the other made an hour feel like a weekend.

One of mine only seemed to sleep in the car.

Mind you, as a toddler, she did her best to try to extricate herself from her car seat. 😁

Allira

^I'm sorry you've had to say what you felt 100 times.^

There are only 114 posts on this thread! Well 115 after this one.
😂

Maybe so, but it felt as though I said the same thing about the intentions behind my post a hundred times, only to be told that no, I don't know my own mind, and I meant something totally different.

As for driving for an hour with a baby in the car, all I can say is that much depends on the baby . One of mine loved the car, and the other made an hour feel like a weekend.

I'm sorry you've had to say what you felt 100 times.

There are only 114 posts on this thread! Well 115 after this one.
😂

I'm correct
😂 not necessarily.

I once attempted to explain long distances whist driving round with a baby. Was told I was wrong. I'm correct but it's not worth a debate [Grin]

I presume that is a sideways swipe at me when I said I thought an hour away was hardly any distance compared to some.

For someone who stays in the same vicinity all their life, it, it may seem a long way.
Many people don't.

For others who do not live near family, one hour's journey is no distance at all.
At least in this case it would be a reason to detach the baby, put it in a car seat and hope it has an hour's sleep. 😴

watermeadow

How to rear children goes through changes like much else. The children generally survive.
When I was born babies were fed by the clock then left alone. Their crying was ignored or they would be ‘spoiled’.
My babies were breastfed for a year but most were bottle fed. Smacking was still common.
My grandchildren were raised by parents in full-time work. They never heard the word ‘No’ and were given everything they asked for but their lives are chaotic.
Now children are over-protected by over-anxious parents. You never ever leave your baby (or a puppy). Child and puppy grow up despite their early care.

So true watermeadow.
They all grow up regardless.
I love, and frequently quote, the French documentary Bebés (Babies) which follows 4 babies from diverse global backgrounds through their first year. And yes, despite the strange things parents do, at a year all 4 are pulling themselves up to stand and turning into a toddler.

The woman sounds like she needs professional help. .

Thank you both.

Doodledog

RosiesMawagain

How to totally get the wrong end of the stick before beating one over the head with it.
Of course I don’t view these pejoratively and what I described as crass was your juxtaposition of characteristics which clearly enough (to me anyway) you viewed critically..
So are we agreed - nothing wrong with reading The Guardian, vegetarian meals, co-sleeping and “baby wearing” (dreadful description) - all absolutely fine and (more importantly) *nobody else’s business*

Finally! I only had to say it 100 times . I’m sure I have posted on here long enough for people to know that if I had felt those things to be performative I would have said so, and explained why I thought so? I’m perfectly happy to disagree with others, but accusing me of something I am not doing, and telling me what I think is just not fair.

I'm sorry you've had to say what you felt 100 times.

Welcome to my thoughts. GN posters rarely understand what I'm thinking - however, I'm terribly inarticulate, you're not.

I once attempted to explain long distances whist driving round with a baby. Was told I was wrong. I'm correct but it's not worth a debate. [Grin]

accusing me of something I am not doing, and telling me what I think is just not fair no it isn't Doodledog but that's GN for you.

RosiesMawagain

How to totally get the wrong end of the stick before beating one over the head with it.
Of course I don’t view these pejoratively and what I described as crass was your juxtaposition of characteristics which clearly enough (to me anyway) you viewed critically..
So are we agreed - nothing wrong with reading The Guardian, vegetarian meals, co-sleeping and “baby wearing” (dreadful description) - all absolutely fine and (more importantly) *nobody else’s business*

Finally! I only had to say it 100 times . I’m sure I have posted on here long enough for people to know that if I had felt those things to be performative I would have said so, and explained why I thought so? I’m perfectly happy to disagree with others, but accusing me of something I am not doing, and telling me what I think is just not fair.

You don't get a visit from the Health Visitor these days unless you are in some sort of need- on benefits, single parent, health issues, at risk etc
D3 had a home birth - fortunately all went smoothly altho SIL did most of the delivery along with a paramedic- GS arriving before the midwife! Anyway, heath visitor? No chance.

Her health visitor would have told her off for co-sleeping. OH is not getting a look in with his child either.

Just as well this breast-feeding, velcro mother on MN doesn't have older children to get to school, an elderly disabled mother to care for and a DH whose job took him away from home!

She'd be having the vapours.

I did, of course do all the "usual stuff" as well!

RosiesMawagain

^I have known 'babywearers', and far from doing it to get the cuddles in before 'leaving their children with someone else' (🙄), they have all been the type to breastfeed toddlers and stay at home making vegetarian meals^

OMG - judgemental or what?
Shock horror - breastfeeding toddlers?
Even worse making vegetarian meals
I won’t bore you all by recounting examples of child- rearing eg by my Chinese sister in law who is much younger than any of us , or my own daughters, but FFS could we please park our prejudices in the century we brought up our babies in?

I just have to comment!
🤣
I was a vegetarian breast-feeding co-sleeping baby wearer for all my five babies.

Happy days. 😍

I would never have left them with anyone other than their dad until they were really quite big - and wanted to go.

Just saying.

If she wants it with her all the time she should do it the African way and have it tied on her back then at least she can get on with some light work
Blimey I was near mine but never stopped normal days housework/ shopping etc now good for either of them

And the mother was annoyed because she was lying on the sofa with the baby, her DH made himself some lunch but failed to make any for her! She said she was left hungry.

If the baby was a fortnight old, understandable, but four months? She is just using the baby as an excuse to be bone idle.

I've just been over to MN and read the OP - but not the replies, I don't have the mental energy...

I just glanced over there, Dickensand retreated after glancing through the first page!
As far as I read, they were all on the velcro-mother's side and even advising her to divorce him!

It seems very strange to me that a new mother would not detach herself from her baby except for just an hour a day, presumably to perform her ablutions. It certainly doesn't seem normal to me and I had a fretful first baby who needed lots of carrying around and comfort, but not all day and night.

Why isn't the father back at work? He probably needs to get back to work and away from this intense atmosphere. If she carries on treating him as just the other parent of her baby and forgets he is her husband too, she might find he's the one who disappears. He's not a selfish b*****d as described on MN, he's probably bewildered and has withdrawn.

Is this what is considered normal now?

No mention of grandparents, going out, meeting friends with babies, just this intense atmosphere for four months.