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Would you allow a neighbour to use your shower?

(184 Posts)
biglouis Fri 08-Nov-24 01:11:55

Interesting discussion on Mumsnet where a neighbour has a broken shower that cant be fixed for 2 weeks and asks OP if she can use hers “every other day”. Op is taken aback and wants to refuse as she does not like visitors. However most posters tell her she is mean to refuse.

My nephew was recently in this position as the housing association could not fix it for 2 weeks. He showered here twice a week (40 minute walk) and the rest of the time made do with an old fashioned wash at the sink. Ive also had to do that for several days when my bathroom was being re-fitted. I would not have dreamed of asking a neighbour. I think its a dreadful imposition.

I was brought up in a house with an outside loo and no bathroom so all we had was a flannel wash at the sink or a tin bath once a week. We managed.

I would not allow a neighbour past my door. I don’t know them and they don’t know me.

What would you do?

4allweknow Sun 10-Nov-24 12:18:39

I know my neighbours quite well. I'd probably agree to help out but doubt they would ask in the first place. I certainly wouldn't, I'd manage just as most did before the daily shower became almost compulsory! Trip to a swimming pool to use showers would be used, if desperate.

mabon1 Sun 10-Nov-24 12:13:28

I would, but they would have to clean it thoroughly after their shower, bring their own towels, soap, shampoo etc. In fact I would remove mine before they came.

biglouis Sun 10-Nov-24 12:13:12

I asked my nephew about this.

Recently his shower broke and the housing association advised 3 weeks before they could fix it. He still had hot water so he could have a bath. However putting on the heating for a bath was expensive and he is on a payment meter..

He visits me once or twice a week and was obviously welcome to use mine. However its a 40 minute walk and a bit too far to go just for a shower. He had a five minute shower on his visits to me with a couple of baths in between. Mostly he just had a strip wash at the sink.

He says he would not dream of asking a neighbour - even the caretaker who lives opposite. I think men are far more likely to "get on with it" rather than put a neighbour in a difficult position..

Dizzyribs Sun 10-Nov-24 12:12:37

I would and I have. My neighbour had a similar problem a few weeks back and I was more than happy to let her, her husband and four children use my shower daily. The neighbours on the other side have also used my shower on occasion. I've even had their relatives to stay when they had a wedding.
It works both ways, they freely offered me their house when they were on holiday and I had a big family gathering a couple of years back and last winter, when my washer broke down and couldn't be fixed for a while I used theirs.
It's a very supportive neighbourhood here,

MissAdventure Sun 10-Nov-24 12:05:43

I might ask if I had, say, a hospital appointment, and I was good friends with a neighbour.

Blackcat3 Sun 10-Nov-24 12:03:19

Fine if you know the neighbour….but not if you didn’t. But to be perfectly honest I’m sure they could keep clean without a shower…assuming they have hot water? I wouldn’t ask my neighbour…I’d just make do…. I’ve happily done a neighbour’s washing when their machine broke and let them use a hair dryer in a power cut… Hopefully the neighbour will contribute to the extra costs or bring an acceptable gift for the use of the shower….

sankev Sun 10-Nov-24 12:02:34

I would never dream of asking to use someone else’s shower but if a neighbour I know well asked me I would probably let them. Definitely a personal choice and I wouldn’t think badly of anyone who refuses. It really is up to the individual. We have good neighbours and always help each other. Recently we had a power cut which only affected every other house. I was lucky enough to be the one unaffected. I allowed both neighbours to run an outdoor extension lead through my conservatory windows so they could boil a kettle and on one side use a small electric heater as she has health problems. They would definitely do the same for me. Luckily it only lasted about 12 hours.

Labradora Sun 10-Nov-24 12:02:23

Provided that I knew my neighbours and there was a fixed time period I would certainly do them this favour .

Sweetsnbooksnradio4 Sun 10-Nov-24 12:01:15

I had a similar thought - take themselves off to the swimming pool and get a bit of exercise in the bargain!

fluttERBY123 Sun 10-Nov-24 11:49:20

Nobody except acs and gcs. For myself a flannel or the local gym. Bodies don't smell anyway except a few bits, it's the clothes.

MissAdventure Sun 10-Nov-24 11:47:34

Or their front!!

icanhandthemback Sun 10-Nov-24 11:46:55

They wouldn't need to ask, I'd offer. As long as they didn't expect to scrub their back...! grin

CariadAgain Sun 10-Nov-24 11:44:53

undines

I would say yes
I probably would even offer
But I would not like to be asked.
And I would never ask myself
It would need to be managed as I would not like the intrusion and would not wish it to extend to staying round my place having coffee etc as I am too busy

Easy enough to say "Yes fine - you can use my shower - but I'll be too busy I'm afraid to 'socialise'. So tell me what time you have in mind for it....". So perfectly fair enough to be too busy for a quick coffee - but one is still being helpful and "getting a few favours 'in the bank' if one needs help oneself at some point".

The only reason I wouldn't do it for my current neighbours is they've been doing things like trespassing in my garden/stealing a bit of my garden/threatening to trim branches off a tree etc and that took a lot of sorting-out what they were up to and make it very plain it is my garden/nowt to do with them.

But if I'd got "normal" neighbours = then yeah...not a problem.

HeavenLeigh Sun 10-Nov-24 11:43:38

No simply cos I don’t know my neighbours and they don’t know me either. I also wouldn’t ask although we have more than one bathroom. If we knew them well then yes but I’m not sure I would allow 7 times use no

grandMattie Sun 10-Nov-24 11:43:19

I was incredibly grateful this time last year when my mouldy bathroom was being refitted; walls, floors and all…
My upstairs neighbour gave me her house keys so I could use the loo and shower; my neighbour opposite welcomed me at every visit.
I hardly knew them, having moved to this part of the country only a few months earlier.
So, yes, if one of the people in the retirement complex needed it, I would certainly let them use my bathroom.

Brownowl564 Sun 10-Nov-24 11:43:12

I think the neighbour has a damn cheek asking, and those saying she should allow it are idiots, 2 weeks isn’t that long, they have a basin at least, maybe even a bath so they can make do and grow up

MissAdventure Sun 10-Nov-24 11:40:36

It does seem to be a strange request, thinking abut it, but seeing how obsessed some people are about bathing/showering, it's reasonable.

I haven't got a shower, anyway.

undines Sun 10-Nov-24 11:35:29

I would say yes
I probably would even offer
But I would not like to be asked.
And I would never ask myself
It would need to be managed as I would not like the intrusion and would not wish it to extend to staying round my place having coffee etc as I am too busy

Etoile2701 Sun 10-Nov-24 11:34:42

I am embarrassed at my shabby bathroom and would try to find an excuse .

Lovetopaint037 Sun 10-Nov-24 11:20:29

The only thing that first occurred to me about her neighbour’s request was that stated “every other day”. I could understand if she had asked for the a chance to wash her hair a couple of times. It is only for a couple of weeks after all. Surely a stand up wash at the bathroom sink could be managed with her feet in a soapy bowl of water.

Doodledog Sat 09-Nov-24 22:59:12

I wouldn't want to strip wash for a fortnight.

If a random stranger turned up and claimed to be dirty Gertie from number 30 I wouldn't be keen, but I know the people in my little street to talk to/take parcels in, which is different.

I think most of them would have other ports of call before getting to me, as I would them, but if next door asked I would offer them a time when we are usually eating (ie evening with warning, not first thing when we might have slept in, and definitely not a blanket 'drop in when you feel like it' offer).

Rosie51 Sat 09-Nov-24 12:06:15

I only have the one bathroom containing the only toilet, so would be reluctant, but depending on which neighbour it was would probably agree. I'm surprised though at all those who say of course they would allow a neighbour, it's the friendly nice thing to do, but then go on to say they'd never ask the neighbour they'd improvise with strip washes. Why wouldn't they use the neighbour's shower, allowing the neighbour to be the generous provider?

Soozikinzi Sat 09-Nov-24 11:59:35

I would allow my neighbour to use our shower yes . We see to each others dogs if the other is out all day . But if I was in that position I'd ask my BiL and SiL.who live a couple of miles away and pop down there a couple of times and manage with a good wash on the other days. .

Curlywhirly Sat 09-Nov-24 11:23:46

Most definitely. We have more than 1 bathroom, so no problem, but even if we only had 1, I wouldn't hesitate.

NotSpaghetti Sat 09-Nov-24 09:25:27

Cherrytree
Most gyms gives a 14 trial period (due to cooling off period), so that would be an option.

Not here... neither my own gym, nor the one my daughter uses even offer a one day trial!