What would you teach yourself

Shadowdancer. My story is similar to yours , failed the 11 plus - shocking and very unfair method of assessment. Picked up on adulthood having left School at 15!! Various qualifications after that including a first class degree. I have never been one to blow my own trumpet but as
' failing' the eleven plus had a profound detremental effect on me I make an exception! I am very proud of my achievement! I just wish I had been taught to have more confidence in my abilities.

flappergirl

That you only have one life. Just one shot to make yourself happy and comfortable and that you need to start the process very young.

Very sound advice flappergirl.
Suddenly time flies and its too late to make much of a substantial difference to your life anymore sadly! 🙃 "Time & tide wait for no man."

Jess20

I'd teach myself some better social skills. I'd tell my younger self to smile and nod rather than debate and be seen as critical of lecturers and management at work - just be less confrontational and - nicer to people! Also, I'd keep up the jogging/running

sounds a bit like me

I feel for you Bunty. Its truly horrible. Ruins lives. I've never really smiled, always self conscious. Unfortunately in my case it WAS parental neglect. Then losing all my hair through alopecia just about put the tin hat on it.

That you only have one life. Just one shot to make yourself happy and comfortable and that you need to start the process very young.

Oh Kate1949, how that resonates with me. I had mine removed at an early age and mam was furious with the dentist who told her it was “parental neglect”. I therefore made sure my children got the best care so at least the lesson was not wasted, but how I have hated these dentures all my life.

I would like to go back and teach my younger self that no matter how much effort I put in to try and be the person my mother wanted me to be, it was never going to happen and to just be myself. The number of wasted years I devoted to pretending to be a different person was very sad and traumatic. I also became very isolated and lonely because most people realised I was putting on an act and would steer clear. Now I am finally myself lo and behold I am actually OK and quite a few people even like me. Its also much less exhausting.

That it's OK not to be a "girly" girl, that no matter what I was told I had just as much right to help dad as my brother did, & that my life wouldn't be the disaster that was foretold if I couldn't hem a blanket or make perfect Yorkshires. That girls can drive tractors!

Would have been nice to have been told that getting married/settling down and having a family isn’t all there is to life, that is good to enjoy life as an independent young woman for a few years first.
I went straight from my parents home to the marital home and sincerely regret that I didn’t do as my ACs did and spent some time just being me rather than a wife and mother.

Definitely to be more confident and assertive. I am no longer a people pleaser.

Kate1949

Oops all my teeth aged 11.

💚💛🧡❤💕💜 coming your way Kate1949

I wish I had understood the importance of true financial independence for a woman.
My first marriage cost me very dearly.

That having a boyfriend was not that important. So many hours wasted spent day dreaming in class instead of concentrating on my work. I would have found maths much easier to understand - though we had terrible maths teachers too!
Also to keep persevering with the piano lessons. I too gave up when I reached my teens.

To not take the blame for things there were not my fault or were misunderstandings. I still do it….but always trying to get better.

Grantanow, Watermeadow and Miss Interpeted.... I'm with you all...we should listen to our children, especially when they're no longer little children.....

MissInterpreted

To somehow be more assertive and stand up for myself, especially to my mother!

Me too

I'd teach myself some better social skills. I'd tell my younger self to smile and nod rather than debate and be seen as critical of lecturers and management at work - just be less confrontational and - nicer to people! Also, I'd keep up the jogging/running

Art and history of art
I was told age 11 in the first art class at high school - you’ll never make an artist. Mr x then walked on and we ignored each other thereafter. In lockdown I decided to try and teach myself to draw. I’m ’no artist’ but practice helps and I lose myself in painting however primitive my finished item may be.
Making children feel they’re failures happens less now. It should never happen

I too had a mother who knew that the only right way was her way. She let me know that I could never live up to her standards and was stupid and plain. I wish I hadn’t believed this.
Also wish I’d understood maths.

How to deal with a mother who was certain beyond any doubt that she was always 'right' about everything.

Not to always think the very worst thing will happen, it's something my mother always used to tell me, think the worst and whatever does happen will probably not be so bad. I would teach myself to be optimistic and to think I was as good as everybody else and to be more outgoing instead of shy.

I just wish Duolingo had been around when I was at school it would have made French far more enjoyable, instead of the tedium it was. I really wanted to like French given I had/have more cousins in France than in England. My father had conversational French not that he was any help. Would also liked to have had more confidence in myself and to have known that some of what we were imbued with at my Catholic schools was unsubstantiated drivel and to have known then what I know now pertaining to the difference between a fact and an opinion and deeply held beliefs don't necessarily equate to the truth.

Similarly, like many of my generation I derided my looks, my son found a photo of me in my teenage years recently and said "Mum you were gorgeous" well he would say that! I certainly never thought that about myself back then.

I was in a brass band until I was 12, but kids being kids, it wasn't considered cool to play a euphonium and I stopped going to band practice. A shame as the local band scene used to have a really good social side as well.

To find out that I was OK just as I was - and being 'work in progress' is how things are.

Oops all my teeth aged 11.