Toughening up! How do you deal with it?

I think the clue is in 'difficult entitled niece'.. knowing that she is like that I don't think you should be surprised or upset about her behaviour.. It doesn't reflect badly on you at all.. It probably wouldn't have made any difference if you had had a clever retort ready.. the secret now is not to beat yourself up... it's her bad behaviour and others presumably witnessed it...

rude people have always annoyed me and most of the time i answer back maybe it's the glasgow/scottish blood...lol, people ranting at me i say sorry can you start again as i was not listening or in a group laugh and say, sorry were you talking to me, holding the door for someone i tell them the words they were looking for is thank you and jumping the queue is usually, go ahead you look as if you have less time to live than i do, i did have a lot of problems during covid as i could not wear a mask and after my 4th visit in an ambulance i was given a letter and wore a lanyard but it did not stop the nasty and rude remarks, one was a supermarket who brought the manager to the door and he called me everything under the sun for putting his customers at risk, i stood there and took it until he was red in the face and then said very nicely, well done you have just brought out the bitch in me, i wrote to head office and he was fired a few days later, he was on his 3rd warning.

I tend to say, calmly, 'Could you be as courteous to me as I am/intend to be to you?' (depending on whether I know them or not).
Doesn't always work but make me feel better.

My favourite “ does it make you feel better about yourself by being so rude to others” ….

If the opportunity arises "It takes a man not a pea on a plate".

After lockdown and trying to get my confidence back to go out and do hands on shopping I had an encounter with a very rude shop assistant, when I was trying to be nice/friendly and she had a rant at me about her illness and that she needed a special chair. I apologised and said I was trying to be nice and didnt realise she was having a bad day. She said I was extremely rude. I wrote to the store manager and said that not everyone had disabilities that could be seen and his staff should be more mindful that others may have issues. I have never been to her till again, but noticed that she smiles more with her customers.

My old mum would say ‘well, somebody needs to go to charm school.’
I tend to get angry and upset at the same time and just blurt something out, often thinking of the perfect response much later.
Am not good at it really.

How do I deal with rude people?
Raised eyebrows and a steely glare.

My latest is “Do you realise that you just said that out loud?”

Stand your ground is my motto - but if someone is rude to me I reply ‘are you having a bad day’ that usually shuts them down.

Perhaps I am thick and don’t tend to find people are rude to me.
However at a recent appointment to see the cardiologist I arrived twenty minutes early and when I went to book in I was greeted by a very rude nurse who also took my BP and weighed me. Incidentally it took two of them.
One appeared to do nothing and I doubt she was a student
Perhaps NHS could streamline their staff to aid cost cutting

There’s a great guy called Jefferson Fisher who does short clips on “ how to argued like a lawyer”, how to deal put downs, aggressive personalities etc.
He is absolutely brilliant.
He just popped up one day unannounced.
Check him out xx

I don’t know anyone that rude these days. I wouldn’t deal with them if I did. Life’s too short. Hard if they are relatives, though. If they are ‘friends’ I’d drop them unless I knew they were ill or having a hard time for some reason.

Luckily I rarely encounter anyone who is rude. Thank goodness. I'm not very good at responding properly.
I read this response years ago, -
What charm school did you go to?
Or, Did you fail the exams at charm school?

You were attractive until you opened your mouth. Works because they have to spend time working it out.

I’ve never been assertive and at 81 I won’t change now. I have never responded to rudeness and used to dwell on things people said and get upset but I try to dismiss it from my mind now.

Ate you having a bad day? is a good one. Short. To the point. I won't get the sentence jumbled and then look an idiot. And it's not really horrid like some of the above retorts.

And they may be having a bad day...not an excuse I know...but you don't know what's going on in people's lives.

And it may make them apologise if you say it with a questioning smile not a snarl.

I say nothing, these days you never know what people in the street will do. Since Covid I have noticed many people are so short tempered, when queing to pay for something I have seen people tapping their feet and looking agitated.

I open doors for people, no thank you's, even taxi drivers cannot be bothered to get out of the car and open the boot so I can put my shopping in so I never tip them.

I have/had a friend who said what she thought never bothering about whose feelings she hurt. I now ignore her. If she does ring me, I just say sorry cannot talk the taxi is here.

I do not stay friends for long with people who do not care about other peoples feelings.

It is now the world we live in so I don't worry about it.

VioletSky

I'm always polite to rude people

If they are insulting I just ask them to explain what they mean until they get uncomfortable

I like this one, maybe reply with something like-

‘ Could I ask why you felt you had to say that?’
or
‘ Sorry, can you explain exactly what you mean?’

With a big smile, obviously.

MissAdventure

I don't really go anywhere for anyone to be rude to me, these days.

The gp receptionist huffs and puffs at me, so I just say I'm sorry I'm such a nuisance.

That means she feels obliged to say, "No, you're not at all".

One day she'll probably snap and say ,"don't be so bloody stupid!" I guess.

Grrr that makes me so mad.I know receptionists are busy and maybe have to take 'Some stick' but there is no need for them to huff and puff, it's not helpful , especially as most of us would rather run a mile than stand in the doctor's surgery ! You are not a nuisance, you are keeping her in a job !

I grew up in a very argumentative family, and I’d much rather not have an argument unless absolutely necessary, so I just try to let rudeness to bounce off me. It doesn’t stop me wishing I’d said something afterwards, though. I can still remember cutting comments from years ago, and it does make me wonder why someone would bother being rude to me - a question that’s almost impossible to answer.

Please,just say to yourself"non-conflict mode" and walk away.

Call them out and tell them how you feel, no holds barred.

That definitely wasn't nice for you Lisaangel10 unfortunately some people think they can be rude on this kind of 'meeting place' as they aren't actually seen. The same one's probably don't act like that in a face to face scenario. Just realise that they just can't help being rude and they probably don't have many friends. Just move on smiling.

Enid101

I sometimes say “are you ok?

This hasn’t been a problem recently.
I used to use the silence or “sorry, I didn’t quite catch what you were saying” but I quite like your “are you ok?”

First 2 times I let it go then the 3rd time they find out just how nasty I can be if pushed. I verbally wipe the floor with them.