Tales about "stingy" guests and hosts.

We had a house guest over Christmas this year, bereaved the previous year so a bit of a duty call. Stayed for 8 days, arrived with a bag containing his own favourite tipple to drink + a can of mixer for exactly the number of days. Accepted our (generous) hospitality but gave nothing, no presents, flowers or chocolates, not even a token gesture. All our adult children took the time and trouble to visit with their children and again, not so much as a gesture of generosity. We have since made it clear how we felt about this behaviour and that other arrangements will need to be made in future.

Cabbie21

What poor man? Shouldn’t he have discussed beforehand with his wife what was to be cooked or better still, gone out and bought the meat himself. I know my son would!
We were once invited to supper and were expecting a meal so hadn’t eaten beforehand. But this was when we were new to the area, where the evening meal is tea. So supper was tea and cake- plenty of it though, especially fruitcake with cheese, which was delicious.

In his defence he did have MS. To be fair I always deal with buying food in our house but my husband would be in charge of BBQ as my friend’s husband was.

Calipso

I know the feeling , as per my previous post of today ( now deleted ) When we had guests this weekend , everyone arrived with cooked dishes, Chilli , Lasagna & lots of cakes .Plus all the usual roasties, salads ,baked ham etc . The last to arrive came with food only enough for the one vegan person with them ,which of course is fine .
One of these guests proceeded to be the first to dig in to the food as soon as it was laid out helping themselves to seconds and thirds .While not bringing anything to the table apart from the one vegan dish .
NB Apologies for any grammatical errors in the making of this posting .

We stayed with some friends for a weekend and it amused me when they asked in the morning. Will you want dessert at dinner tonight as I’ll only get it out of the freezer if you will eat it😂 We of course said no don’t worry as felt they didn’t really want to do dessert and then if they defrosted it and we couldn’t manage it we would feel awkward . They also only produce a slice of toast at breakfast but no marmalade or jam as they don’t eat it. Always very welcoming to us tho.

Not quite like most of the other posts. we had visitors to one of our cottages, and on the first day, they returned home in a police car having crashed their own the next day, my son took them to the garage where their car had been taken to see what the damage was The following day, he took them to the supermarket to do their shopping and brought them home The following day he took him to the train station, so that they could take a day trip, followed by a further visit to the supermarket I suppose we were lucky that they said thank you, but they never even offered my son a bottle of beer to show their appreciation

Gwyllt really mean! Imagine all the fuel your son used.

Some people rang my husband on a bank holiday once. They were in dire straits and needed an urgent repair as they had their huge house full of family and friends.

He went out, did the job, left the bill (and he charged no extra for Bank Hol) and the man of the house said “wait there, I have something for you” and returned with his hands behind his back and then produced, with a flourish, the smallest bottle of beer you can buy. 🤣

Another one I thought of. We had a family visitor from the UK who stayed with us for a couple of weeks. We footed the bill of course and on their last night we all went out to a local restaurant. We paid for them and their two young sons and they didn’t even buy us a drink ! Not a ‘poor’ family, either. They then went on to Sydney, hoping to stay with someone who used to attend their church in the UK ( they hadn’t been invited ) Now this person had recently had a baby and only had a small house. I’m pleased to say they didn’t oblige so our relatives had to find accomodation in a hostel. What a shame.🤗

My G'ma used to mutter 'FHB' whenever guests, expected or not, arrived.
'Family Hold Back' is a standing instruction in all our family now.

My aunt, on the other hand, was married to an antiques dealer. He was instructed to keep an eye open for some tiny sherry glasses for use when it was her turn to host bridge nights. He did find some beautiful ones, about the size of a large thimble. It was odd because she was a generous woman most of the time.

Here is a paraphrase of an account I found on Mumsnet of how a stingy greedy person got paid back for expecting others to subsidise his meal. Love it

There is a person who works for the company but not on my team who often hears about meals out and adds himself on. No one ever stops him. He does go for the steak, wine, sides etc and insists on splitting and folks are too scared to challenge him for some reason. Now as he’s not on my team he’s not on my team WhatsApp group so I put it out there on the chat I wouldn’t be splitting, just paying for my own. A few added that they’d much prefer to do that (and a few of the newer staff are on a lower wage). No one updated the other man (why would they?) so out we went, all ordered.

The bill came, he said “usual is it?”, I said what do you mean, he said well spilt like always. I took so much delight in telling him that we had all decided to pay for our own, times are hard and we have junior members etc.

Oh the face, the face!!

He said he would never have ordered what he did if he knew we weren’t splitting and I took great delight in saying “you wouldn’t have ordered what you did if you knew you’d have to pay for it all yourself? Didn’t you see some had one meal and a glass of water?”

He was so red, he paid and left without saying a word.

This isn’t really about stingy but perhaps about the way others live.
We were invited for dinner with a colleague of my H and his wife in their very beautiful new home.
We hadn’t been able to attend the housewarming so they really wanted to show it off.
It was some distance away and as we expected we would be having a drink we had our son take us and would get a taxi home.
We were shown around the lovely house and then sat down for a drink.
We had a thimble full of sherry and then had dinner.
We stared with consommé, obviously out of a tin.
I thought my bowl would never be empty, it seemed as full after every spoonful as it had been before.
This was followed by a grey casserole, any attempt to identify the meat was a Nono
With this we drank the red wine we had taken, no more was offered.
I cannot remember any more.
We then sat down to films of their holidays.
No more drinks were offered.
We then had an expensive taxi home.
We have never been invited since . I don’t think any other colleagues were.

There’s a v good post on MN at the mo about stingy freeloader bill-splitters - Bill-splitter karma IIRC, a great read!

I have a neighbour who is always pleading poverty but she has a mortgage free house of her own, another mortgage free house that she rents out and a half share with her sister in a third mortgage free house which they also rent out.

She goes all over the country staying with friends and acquaintances for weeks at a time. Funny thing is she never invites them back here to stay at hers! So several months of the year she takes advantage of warm houses, good food and TV as she is too mean to buy a licence.

She used to hate putting her heat on in the winter so would come round mine about 4pm when she knew my heating was on and then hope that I would invite her for evening meal.

Many times I did so and only once did she invite us to hers to eat. It was rabbit stew which had stuck to the bottom of the pan, was black and stunk to high heaven! The house was also freezing cold. I suddenly developed a bad head and we went home.😉

Towards the end of his life my Dad had severe chest problems and felt the cold. He came down to stay with us in Surrey for Christmas and a colleague of DH’s invited us for Sunday lunchtime drinks. They were a Scottish couple who had moved south with the job and were very friendly and with children the same age as ours. When we arrived the house was freezing with the windows wide open in the lounge. We were offered a drink - there was no sign of any nibbles or snacks. My Dad had a glass of whiskey, I had a small glass of wine and my husband declined as he was driving. He wasn’t even offered a cup of tea. And that was it! It seemed rude to leave after such a short time but we were so cold I made an excuse about needing to call somewhere else and we left with the heating turned up full in the car and then the radiators on as soon as we got home. Poor Dad needed another tot of whiskey.

Newly married, we were invited round for a meal by one of my MILs friends. After a long wait and sounds of clanging about in the kitchen, she appeared, saying ‘I’ve been saving these specially” and placed two Fray Bentos puff pastry pies on the table.
A working colleague who became a friend, had regular meals here before I gave her a lift to the drama society 20 miles away.
She moved into a new flat and invited me round. Handed a gin and tonic, she proudly showed me her new dining table in the bow window, but no thought of ever using it…

Not stinginess, but misunderstanding when I invited friends for supper and they confessed they had already had their meal, not thinking I meant a full meal…

After the reception she received, I think she was very restrained!

We have a very unusual family name. Once when I was young some unknown-to-us relatives from New Zealand had located us and asked to come and meet us whilst they were in Europe.
My parents pulled out all the stops. Lots of lovely food, drinks etc. They stayed for a very long time. More coffees cakes etc. Eventually they left having been extremely well fed and welcomed. They didn’t even bring a packet of biscuits, no thank you and no further communication. They were called free loaders.

The stingiest time I have had was renting an annex. The woman owner controlled the heating. We had 9 degrees with the heating on! It was on for 2 hrs a day and we had to go to bed in several layers of thermals and fleece jackets. Condensation on our breath. She complained about the cists and how difficult it was to make ends meet. The house was in Surrey Hills! But this poor Christian widow had my husband completely sucked in and as newbies to the UK we had no idea of legal requirements to provide adequate heat. Ehen the rent was raised 5 ,% I questioned it ad inflation was running at 2%. Oh she said I raise the rent 5% a year on all if my properties. It eas revealed she had 2 houses in Peaslake Surrey and 3 in Scotland!.
Her daughters engagement party was a garden party. The lawn was all set out with tables and chairs tablecloths etc so I eas expecting a NZ style spread with wine and food. The old darling provided huge pots of very weak tea, a guest brought a plate of pikelets but no jam or butter and another guest brought a horrible cake bought from a corner store type of outlet.
It really was beyond belief.

My sister in law who has always been tight with money came down one New Year’s Eve with her husband I supplied all the food and drinks, they both drank cocktails all night and when they were going home next morning they took the small bottle of vodka they had brought home with them unopened
And also asked for loads of leftovers to go

I got very friendly with someone from Amersham

We had some relations staying with us for a week and their parents stayed with another cousin. During the week they arranged for trips out/meals out etc to include all of them (including other cousin) but they never once asked us to join them! The male guest came back drunk every day too. By the end of the week we really felt we'd been used just for a convenient b and b. It's now going to be very hard if/when they ask to stay again as we don't want to go through the same situation 😬😬

I think that comment about offering tea/coffee etc when someone drops in, as being working class, is absolute nonsense. It is nothing to do with social class, it is, as someone said, simple kind manners and welcoming politeness. I wonder which class the writer thinks she belongs to?😂😂

My husband was working for a company that hired a man from Australia who would be staying in a local B&B. My husband a Kiwi said that the Australian was having a horrible time in the B&B and before I could stop myself he was invited to stay with us. He stayed for 7 weeks and was the biggest pain in the rear you can think of. He would steal food from the cupboards and put the empty packet back in the cupboard. We had a beautiful dog and when I made dinner for us all I usually put a bit aside for her and he would eat it even though he knew it was for the dog. He would sit in the lounge and at about 11pm he would tell me he had no clean towels!!
In the end I told my husband that if he didn’t go I would leave myself. He was then swiftly deployed to a different branch down south.
The night before he left he got himself a take-away curry delivered and didn’t ask if we had wanted anything. As he was sitting at the dining table he mentioned that he had left some chocolates for us in the kitchen. I thanked him profusely and thought how awful I had been about him being ungrateful. When I went into the kitchen there were 3 chocolate eclair sweets on the side that the take-away put into the bag!!!

We were newly married, a cousin of my Husband and her husband asked if they could arrive the evening before they were due and to stay the night. We were going out but yes they could as I had prepared beds etc ready for their stay the next day. and although I only had the food I had made in readiness for the meal the following day, a huge beef in beer casserole. Would they mind reheating it with the potatoes etc. I expected them to just have the usual portion as I had used about 3lbs of beef steak but when we arrived back we hoped to find most of it left that I could rehash for the meal the next day but the huge casserole was empty, we weren’t that well off but I think we all went to pub the next day instead, we paid as we were hosting! We didn’t try that again!

Witzend - biglouis did a precis of the mumsnet post on bill splitting .
I think that the sponger's evening came to £83 and some people had run up £25 .
I had a highly intelligent and amusing Turkish Cypriot friend , who was the most enormous fun and the times that I spent with her were always highly enjoyable .
But -
everytime we went out she always grabbed the bill and split it in her favour .
At other times , she also used to plead poverty about going out and felt no qualms about getting me to pay the bill .
Not only does she own a mansion in Northern Cyprus , a shop , which she rents out she also has a lucrative career .

I discovered that she'd invited one of my friends on holiday to her mansion and expected him to pay her air fares and for every meal out - in fact to finance the entire holiday .

biglouis

I can understand some reluctance to host nowadays with so many fussy eaters about - vegetarians, vegans and so on. It can be very expensive catering for everyone and I would not want to do it.

I very rarely host now. However if someone calls in without invitation or notice and I I dont want them to stay I dont offer them anything. Usually I just talk to them through the gate and dont ask them in.

Not sure I like my dietary choice of veganism bring described as being a “fussy eater”!!!