Auntie was a bit of a Mrs Malaprop.

My mum used to say my kids did aerobatics (gymnastics) and that her favourite film was Officers in the Mist ( across between Gorillas in the Mist and An Officer and A Gentleman) My favourite though was her version of the game Bongo Congo which she called Honky Bonky!

Oreo my mum and nan used to say skellington and chimley as well, but they were from Wales, not London. Used to drive me mad!

An office colleague sat there one day and said " I'm absolutely ravishing" - she meant ravenous and couldn't understand why we all collapsed into fits of giggles.

Rude but true. When I was waiting in hairdressers lady came in and asked for an appointment for a ‘cut and blow job’!!

Before I retired colleague said she was watching a tv programme in which two woman and a man had a ‘mangetout’! Not the usual ‘ménage a trois’!

My youngest daughter frequently mixes up her words. She once described her father and I her intermediate family!
Described a fried as not having battered an eyelash and while at school stood up in class and announced that an octopus had eight testicle.

I knew a shop assistant who sold coronation milk (Carnation). My husband and I, according to him, have made our "power of eternity".
My Dad always referred to the register as the red chester.

People from an area of my town, where my husband was from, always said chimley and skellington. This was in South Wales. They also had a problem with pronouncing Birmingham. I think it used to come out as Brimingham.

My grandfather was very proud of a cousin and thought that after his degree he might go on to study for a BHS. Grandpa was a keen gardener, too, and had his annuals, biannuals and perannuals.

My aunt was prescribed a course of stair rods (steroids)! My daughter ate breakstick when she was a little girl and now we still, as a family, call it that (breakfast).

I do this on purpose all the time, much to the 'fake' annoyance of my 12 year old granddaughter! (Everyone else I know just ignores it now). She's always correcting me and I act totally innocent and bemused at her reaction. Lol! For instance, instructions are 'destructions', "I beg your pardon?" is "I bag your puddin'?", "Excuse me" is "Exsqueeze me". I deliberately use Spoonerisms too, which she also likes to correct me on! Par Cark, Fog Dood, and so on. I've been doing it so long it's totally natural and I don't even think about it now, which can sometimes be embarrassing when speaking to a complete stranger......

On leaving the ballet performance our local dance group gave , my husband said loudly…. We’ll that was very well corrugated wasn’t it! Think he meant choreographed but he also says some men a pain in the throat. He says it’s because his first language is Welsh and he didn’t speak English till he was 12.

My Sifu, back when I practiced martial arts, used to say "It's 6 and two thirds ", instead of "6 and two 3's", when trying to explain something could be either/or. He was the King of Malaprops, every conversation containing at least one! Wish I could remember more than that one now!

I had an aunt with Mrs Malaprop leanings. She would not have known the word hysterectomy but often mentioned people she knew who had gone into hospital to have their wound removed. When a modern shopping precinct opened in her town she said she didn't think much of the new shopping precept.

I always remeber my mum buying vibrator for her friend. My sister and I looked in horror when we saw it was a massager for her neck!

When unisex hair salons started to become popular, the late Mr. Guesswhat kept calling them “bi-sexual” hairdressers.

My Auntie ordered the "soup du jour" then complained and said "I have had soup du jour before and this tastes nothing like it!"

My mother thought it lovely I went to “St.Toupee” for my honeymoon. “Heart rendering” for a moving song, but that might be correct? “Wreck of the hesprit” on going out looking a mess.

I knew a guy who said chocolate block instead of chock-a-block.

My darling Mum's were 'pimrose' and 'fruneral'. Can't remember what he actually called it, but know my Dad couldn't say vinegar.
A man I worked for always called the flowers 'marygolds' and 'tubercaloricus' for TB.

My daughter when young was nicked named Mrs Malaprop... We would have to read the 'destructions' instead of instruction s for new game etc.

A lady I knew had vascular dementia and often said the wrong thing.
She had the paracetamol man check her over when the ambulance came.
Her colonoscopy she called her colonial and she suffered from vicus veins as well. Bless her, but we now use those words in memory of her.

Years ago worked with a woman who would insist the perfume she wore was cat shit ( Cachet) and the one I wore was Anus Anus ( Anais Anais )

When asked “What would you like to drink?” I always pick my late Grandmother-in-law’s favourite:
“I’ll have one of those Tina Marina’s, please."

My grandson always called vinegar vigenar and I still do when he comes for his tea. A friends mum always said she’d like a glass of Libafrubamilch in a pub.
One of my bosses always said pacific instead of specific. Drove me mad.