Reading daughter’s diary 25 years on and the consequences

Teenage angst written many years ago!
Hurtful I know but base your relationship on what it is now!
You know you shouldn’t have read it and that’s punishment enough. Do not mention this to your daughter, she will be embarrassed and upset!
Tell her you’ve been up in the attic and there’s personal items of hers she needs to collect and get rid of them.

Your daughter was a teenager and wrote her diary as a kind of safety valve and to make sense of her feelings towards you at that time.

That is all you need to remember.

I might well in my teenage years have done the same, if I had not realised when I was 11 that my mother had read the diary I was keeping. That stopped me from keeping one, and I have never done so since.

Please try to stop thinking and worrying about what she wrote then. Put the diary in a box and add other things your daughter left in her childhood home in on top of it. Then give her the box, or ask her whether these things are just to be thrown out now that you are tidying the attic.

I am honestly surprised how many have said they would have read the diary too and that all mothers would.

You are obviously not the only person who has done this and it seems no-one really thinks it wrong.

I was brought up to never read a letter addressed to someone else, or a diary written by others than myself, or one that thad been published. I am obviously out-of-date about thinking this is just common sense.

As a teenager don’t we think that the world is against us and no one understands what we going through. How is your relationship with her now. I’d say to her wow you really loved me then and have a laugh about it. After all one you shouldn’t have read it but you did so you neither forget it and move on with your life or let it drive you mad and bitter. It’s like all things in life there are two sides to a story. How you remember it and how see did. She probably doesn’t even remember writing it.

I feel your pain but you have done your best to allow your daughters to have the best in life!
My concern is that said daughter is criticising you now and that is not acceptable ! Nip it in the bud now!

Oh dear, teenagers!!, my 2 girls were a nightmare, they told me they hated me, 1 of them even tried to lose me my job, I had social services around, (my job involved work with SS too )..
But it was just teenage angst, not acceptable at all but, if I'd have took all the hate towards me in, I'd have been a very sad mum, I let it go over my head knowing it was just words, just to add my 2 girls are now fully grown up, and a little embarrassed if I mention things about it, but it's all water under the bridge, we all have a lovely relationship now together.

Yes - don’t beat yourself up about the resentments of a teenager! Tough to read about it but just put it back in the past where it belongs. I’m sure my 3 children felt all sorts of resentment about stuff that happened - occasionally one or two things pop up - things I hadn’t thought about at all.😂😂 and had no idea that they felt so strongly about them. Good luck -xx

The majority of teenagers are drama queens, I had my moments. Parents were monsters who were out to ruin your life and many things were exaggerated. She was a kid that's all and they see things through different eyes. The £500 hoover thing is nothing, my nephew was moaning that he'd got grounded for scratching his dad's car and said his father had told him it was going to cost millions to get it fixed. I think you have taken that particular comment out of context she was probably more verging on sarcasm inferring that your mood over the incident was blown out of proportion. You shouldn't have read her diary, that to me personally was very wrong. There's that old saying that eavesdroppers never hear good of themselves. It appears the same could be said about people who snoop in to other peoples diaries. 🤔

One of my son’s never spoke to his father for 4 years as a teenager.When his father had cancer and dementia 6 years ago ,he was in his 40s and could not do enough for him and was devastated when he died.Teenage years do not represent the mature person you have raised

I didn’t read all my daughters diary when I came across it open on her bed, I just saw the previous days entry. ‘I hate my mum’. She’s a witch, in big capitals. I left it there unread because I didn’t want to read any other hurtful comments. I never mentioned it and looking back on it now, realise as has been said, teenagers minds are all over the place and everything is a catastrophe.
My lovely daughter now has a teenager of her own and often remarks on her behaviour to me and I inwardly smile.

People who eavesdrop rarely hear good said about themselves - and this is a case in point.

Callistemon21

JaneJudge

Mine always threatened me with childline

Oh an one of mine did that
😂😂😂

Mainly for turfing her unceremoniously out of bed and getting her to school on time.

Mine did the same because I made them wear proper uniform and warned them about smoking in the Cemetry at lunchtime.
They quoted the number at me and I said I would phone Mum's line. When asked what the number was I gave my mothers they were terrified of her finding out.

I had a daughter like that. I never opened her diary, even though she left it lying about.
She still resents a million things I did not do and overlooks all I did do.
People are not made so much as born, I'm afraid. This is one of a pair of twins. They grew up with an identical childhood and yet the other twin recalls having had a good life.
I feel for you, but don't imagine you are to blame.

My teenage diary had 'I hate my mother' comments, of course I didn't and she was a very good Mum, don't take it to heart, it's just being a teenager and rebelling

123ish

In the loft I came across my daughter’s diary. I am sorry to say I sat down and read it having never touched it when she was a teenager 25 years ago . Oh what a mistake I have made.
The diary was a rant mostly aimed at me. The accusations were amplified and some of the issues did not happen. A practical example is a £500 vacuum cleaner had got lost in the post and I was cross . This did not happen the vacuum cleaner was £85 and arrived broken and was replaced wit a second one. However even worse was the tirade of criticisms about my parenting. During those teenage years I had had difficulty with boundary setting ie boyfriends, school work and general lifestyle choices and I was exhausted with all this. . We did lots of great things as a family but there was nothing pleasant recorded in the diary. Rant upon rant of how awful I was. All vastly exaggerated just like the vacuum cleaner story. We did live in the country side and she hated it as did her sister. I drove them everywhere to make sure they went to swimming classes, dance, singing., camping, hosteling, foreign travel. They had friends to stay very often. During this time I reduced my work hours to make sure I could provide a good enough home life. Both went off to university and have their degrees and careers and skills learned at home.
Now a parent herself I have received critical comments already re her upbringing so I was aware of some frustrations but not at the level recorded.
I have decided not to tell her about reading her diary. A difficult decision as I am absolutely devastated and now distrustful of her. I really felt I needed to discuss the findings with her but terrified of the consequences. It was my fault I should not have read the diary .

I am very sorry that you had to find this diary, let alone read it. It sounds very much like my daughter who is now 42, she thinks things, then believes them and actually it is a lie.

My story is totally different, widowed when she was 3 and mistakingly overindulged her to compensate.

I have helped her all i can financially and physically and now I am vaccine injured and the Bank of Mum is closed. I had to get rid of 30 boxes of toys and there were many diaries but I never read any of them, just put them in the recycle.

However, I did come across two entries I typed of pages called a day in the life of a 17 year old and when I read how she spoke and treated me, I had to stop reading as it made me want to cry.

I am apparently a narcissist in need of mental therapy which normally would be quite amusing but as some sort of punishment I am not able to see my 7 year old grandson any more when I spent the first five years with him and supporting them with their rent amongst other things.

My advice to you is if you cannot forget about these diaries, then confront her otherwise you will be eaten up with resentment and stress which not help you.

Sorry wrong quote.

I wouldn't read into it that much to be honest.

My sister and I had a giggle recently about her diary when she writes of the "Two crows downstairs" being our parents! We can laugh now but parents were strict and a teenagers rebel and want their own way.

But very strick parenting does have it's comebacks as felt my parents were way over the top with discipline and good hidings we received, I have told my mum she and dad shouldn't have done that but just received a withering look.

Baggs

Teenage angst – and that's what the diary is – is not worth getting upset about now, 123ish. Put it behind you. I really don't think you need to feel devastated.

I am very sorry that you had to find this diary, let alone read it. It sounds very much like my daughter who is now 42, she thinks things, then believes them and actually it is a lie.

My story is totally different, widowed when she was 3 and mistakingly overindulged her to compensate.

I have helped her all i can financially and physically and now I am vaccine injured and the Bank of Mum is closed. I had to get rid of 30 boxes of toys and there were many diaries but I never read any of them, just put them in the recycle.

However, I did come across two entries I typed of pages called a day in the life of a 17 year old and when I read how she spoke and treated me, I had to stop reading as it made me want to cry.

I am apparently a narcissist in need of mental therapy which normally would be quite amusing but as some sort of punishment I am not able to see my 7 year old grandson any more when I spent the first five years with him and supporting them with their rent amongst other things.

My advice to you is if you cannot forget about these diaries, then confront her otherwise you will be eaten up with resentment and stress which not help you.

Part of the reason that teenagers are so difficult is that they are literally rewiring their brains; their whole nervous system is slowly being covered in a lining that means their nerves don't leak stimulation everywhere. Until that process is complete - around 19-ish for a girl - they see the world in a wholly different way to how they were as children, or as adults.
Your daughter is a different person now; she might be just as horrified as you were at her teenage diary!

😱 It’s a good job I didn’t write a diary when I was a teenager … I was full of anger and frustration at the world as most teens are when they are finding their way trying to push boundaries … and everything was everyone else’s fault especially my parents
… luckily we grow up and we mature and we see things through a different set of eyes. Our humanity comes out and we see our parents as people in their own right.
I wouldn’t take the diary writings to heart, just try and find some compassion for the teenager that was writing them as it was more about them than you
- I would go on the person they are now not by what was written back then.

My daughter found her old diaries and shared with me how often she wished me dead at 16...
We have a perfectly good relationship now.
I think that most teenagers feel like this and it's no reflection on you ( or her).
It's as everyone here agrees, a rite of passage.

I suspect that had DD written a teenage diary, it would have been like this one. She was convinced, from a very young age that she could bring herself up better than I could and her teenage years were particulalry fraught, mind you I might have written a teenage diary like that as well.

Forget it, its what teenagers do. I dearly loved my mother, DD and I have a close and loving relationship with my DD, now aged 50

To quote Mark Twain When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. Exactly the same applies to mothers and daughters.

It was my fault I should not have read the diary
Probably not.

Was it amongst her things in the attic? Just put it back in the box and casually ask when she's going to finish clearing her stuff as you're decluttering.
Don't mention the diaries.

I'll remind my DC to clear their stuff next time they're home!

Being angry with parents when you're a teenager is one of those rites of passage. Remember Kevin and Perry?

I think it best to not take any teenagers writing too seriously. I am sure you were a great parent i would hand it back to your daughter in a bag of belongings and see if she ever mentions its contents. I wouldn't admit you have read it.
I wrote full diaries throughout my children's childhood and teenage years. In hindsight it probably helped my mental health at the time, what some would call journaling now. However now in my 60s I have completely destroyed them all as I realise the moans and groans and honesty could actually be upsetting to people I really love if they were to read them after my death. This destruction, although sad from the historical memories point of view, has actually given me great peace of mind..

It was my fault I should not have read the diary
Probably not.

Was it amongst her things in the attic? Just put it back in the box and casually ask when she's going to finish clearing her stuff as you're decluttering.
Don't mention the diaries.

I'll remind my DC to clear their stuff next time they're home!

Being angry with parents when you're a teenager is one of those rites of passage. Remember this?

www.google.com/search?q=kevin+turns+into+a+teenager+and+perry&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwjGspT-r9iBAxW3mycCHS-_B6MQ2-cCegQIABAD&oq=kevin+turns+into+a+teenager+and+perry&gs_lcp=ChJtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1pbWcQAzoKCAAQigUQsQMQQzoICAAQgAQQsQM6BQgAEIAEOgcIABANEIAEOgUIABCiBDoECB4QCjoECCEQClCeFViSSWDSS2gAcAB4AIABVYgBpg2SAQIyM5gBAKABAcABAQ&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-img&ei=HD8bZca0MLe3nsEPr_6emAo&bih=712&biw=1138&client=tablet-android-samsung-nf-rev1#imgrc=Z8DHdQWGCDisCM

Definitely teenage angst, all the world’s against me stuff. They attack the ones they love the most! I bet she would want to curl up and die if she read it now ! Don’t worry yourself, chuck it out or give it back to her.