MUCH older than me (in her nineties) neighbour

I think I’d feel the same as you, OP - however kindly meant, I wouldn’t appreciate anyone thinking I need their own idea of what constitutes an adequate social life.

I think your neighbour is well meaning. You can just politely refuse. Also some of us, several decades younger than ninety, do chair based exercises due to arthritis, while I know others who are in their late eighties or nineties can walk for miles, do pilates, etc. You never know you may actually enjoy some of the activities she is suggesting and make new friends.

LovelyLady, I disagree, you don't have to force yourself to socialise. The problem is that it's an unwelcome intrusion. I wouldn't want neighbours to 'need' me - from bitter past experience - although they know I'm here if there's a problem or emergency. I'll say good morning but that's about it.

How fortunate you are!
Befriend your neighbour. What’s the problem, a neighbour is showing care to someone she’s concerned about.
So often we hear of the elderly being found dead and no neighbour has seen them for years.
Get her some flowers or invite her for a meal or do something. It’s called being neighbourly.
Just appreciate you have decent folk around you. They may need you!!

I admit the comments that you sit in all day and must be lonely are a bit judgemental, I would be annoyed if someone said that to me. However its most likely your neighbour was trying to be friendly in a rather clumsy sort of way. Maybe they are lonely? or one of those people who like everyone to conform. I have suffered from this kind of thing too. I dont do group activities, particularly not coffee mornings, tea parties, knit and chat etc. I am just not a group person. Each to their own. I like other people well enough, have plenty of friends and am not lonely. I would just thank the neighbour for the information about the activities, tell them I am too busy at the moment but will bear in mind for the future and leave it at that.

Agree she probably wants to befriend you. So think she is hoping for some companionship.

I would reply thanking her for her kind consideration but saying that although the activities sound interesting I am fully committed with other things that I do. You could say you are glad she has such a good social life.

If she is in her 90.s she is probably lonely herself or maybe a bit confused. Please be kind but if you don't want to be involved then you don't have to be.

I have to admit to a snigger at the “MUCH older than me…!”
Own up OP how old are you? (89?) 🤣🤣🤣

The phrase Grumpy Old Man comes to mind for me.

I think you’ve over reacted to be honest
She was just being neighbourly

I recall only a short time ago when a nervy neighbour asked me not to decorate so late at night. She mistook her climbing rose moving in the wind, for me painting an internal wall.
Poor woman wanted my sympathy that she couldn’t sleep. Instead she got a polite earful of the many health issues I have making it impossible for me to do decorating or anything needing movement on my part.

Trust me I’ve just moved having a neighbor from hell. If my neighbor was like her I wouldn’t have moved. She just being a caring neighbor. Not many like that nowadays. Where I now one of my neighbors was telling me about one of the other bungalows a lady lived in it and everyone tried to get to know her she also didn’t bother with anyone and just before Christmas she was found in her home. They said they were told she had died a month earlier. I find that quite sad to die alone. Like they say it’s good to talk

oh gosh, I live in a small close, you would expect the area I live in to be a good place, but neighbours? what are they, guess they are mostly all out to work, that is the excuse I give them

I reckon if I dropped dead in the street, very few would care.. perhaps one or two.. but no neighbourness (?)neighbourlyness?lol
whatsoever.

I think FrankandEarnest does post on other threads too.

It sounds as if your neighbour is trying to be friendly and welcoming.

She can't be nosy or invading your privacy if she hasn't noticed you are out all day every day.

It does read very much like a 'have-on'. I wondered about that at the start, but I like to give these threads the benefit of the doubt.

I’m inclined to agree with you sodapop. However, there’s time yet for a reply, I suppose.

Yet another thread with no response from the original poster. Wonder why we bother.

Hi FrankandEarnest

Just wondering if you have any thoughts on what comments GNs have made since you first posted?

Is it “relentless, unwanted attention”? In your post you say you are out all day. I presume most days? Why not say this to your neighbour? If she hasn’t seen you coming and going then perhaps she’s assuming that you are sitting alone indoors all day and it’s her way of inviting you to join in so that you aren’t lonely. How relentless is she in asking you to join in if you’re out most days? It’s simply resolved though, just explain as you have here.

agree with above.

Why not just say " that sounds lovely, but I'm not usually free just now". I think you are over-reacting a little to a friendly gesture from a neighbour.

One day you might really need and welcome some neighbourly kindness.

she sounds quite kind and friendly to me. She didn't bombard you with personal questions.. You are obviously a very private person but you can also be courteous and just explain that you are busy during the day..

Some people are just very sociable and love being around others. Often, they like routine, too, so fill their days with all these clubs, meetings and entertainments. Yes, they would feel very lonely on their own all day.

I'm really not like that at all, never have been. I'm in my element just pottering around in the garden, walking the dog or reading a book. I think I'd only start to feel lonely if I hadn't seen a living soul in a week.

My friend simply can't understand why I don't want to join her for exercise classes, shopping - and all this 'wellness' and 'healing' stuff. I have zero interest in it all, that's why!