Should I just scatter the ashes anyway?

Do what you feel is right. People have been scattering ashes all over the place for years and no-one's any the wiser! People have them scattered at their loved one's favourite football ground, for instance. Jeez, people even have ashes incorporated into tattoos! There's always got to be someone who pours cold water over anything on here.

But still illegal...

Most crematoria have 'gardens of remembrance' where ashes can be scattered either by yourself of by a member of staff. They would not be disturbed there.

Exactly Baggs that how I thought of it

Why would decking being installed over a place in a garden where ashes of humans were buried be unsafe?

Do ashes of humans need to be "safe"? I thought the whole idea was that one could chuck them about somewhere, you know, scatter them in the wind like the star dust they are.

The reason I don’t want to bury them in the garden is that our garden is very small anyway, and I dare say any future owner of the house - which will probably not be in the very distant future, give that dh and I are both already mid 70s - will very likely pave it over, or install decking. Most of the neighbours’ gardens are one or the other.

Whereas the woodland garden mentioned in my OP, is within a Royal Park, so likely to be safe for a long time (barring a major revolution of course, and the entire 2000 acres being seized and flogged off to developers.).

Bella23

Callistemon21

www.col.co.uk/help-advice/scattering-ashes-6-common-questions-answered

DH wants his taken out to sea but I know the wind will change direction at the last minute.

I'm with you Callistemon on this one.
My godfather's ashes were tipped into the sea, it was a windy day the sea was rough and they all got a mouthful of him/or his ashes. My DH wants to go to the top of a fell well if I'm still here I won't be with him.
In our village churchyard, we have a special plot for ashes to be scattered. Beside it is a substantial flat sandstone slab where names can be engraved.
I have heard so many tales of sneaking into cemeteries or picnicking at a beauty spot and someone scattering ashes that they are pepper and salt on your food.
My best friend left her loved one at the Crem and they fertilise the roses a lovely idea.

Bella23 I've just done some research and found out what and how it is possible and shown DH.
Now he's getting twitchy!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

The ashes are safe with you but they do not belong to you

That is interesting. No something I have ever thought of.

Lathyrus

Sorry about that Callistemon.

I was going to post the tale of my husband’s ashes but thought better of it!

I'm sure I'll be first to go so I had better specify what I want.

When I said at sea I didn't mean just a paddle, he means right out at sea.

scattering-ashes.co.uk/general/cremation-ashes-chemicalcompostion/
Phosphate 47.5%
Calcium 25.3%
Sulfate 11.00%
Potassium3.69%
Sodium 1.12%
Chloride 1.00% etc
Expert Harry Boyter says
I would not eat it or snort it, but otherwise, except for high calcium and phosphate, you might think it was just high phosphate dirt without the carbon.

witzend do it. We were in an almost identical situation for years for slightly different reasons. Eventually we just did it.

Btw a friend had a beach scattering after a desperately difficult few years, and took enormous comfort from it. (It was done when/where no-one was about.)

Why would you risk your relationship with your sibling over this?

I genuinely don't believe your mother would want that, or to be scattered in a place you are not legally allowed to do so.

The ashes are safe with you but they do not belong to you. Have a proper discussion about it with all your siblings, come to an agreement. Maybe use it as an opportunity to come together rather than pushing others away

Until you sell your house? Maybe the OP lives in a flat?

I would caution you against your suggested plan, particularly as you yourself have admitted that it would be illegal to do so. This is not just an arbitrary ruling, as explained by : "Many people whose relatives have enjoyed visiting a Royal Park ask if their ashes can be scattered in the park after their deaths. These ashes contain minerals in such concentrations that they affect the soil and the plants that grow in the soil. This in turn can affect the wildlife that relies on the plants for food and shelter." I would therefore urge you to choose a less damaging option, perhaps on private land where the landowner would give you permission, or even in your own garden, where you are the landowner. The "own garden" option is preferred by many, myself included, as both the ashes and their associated memories then remain close to you on an everyday basis. .

Do what’s best for you.

other people have to walk through them.

a) why is this (walking through ashes on some sand or pebbles) seen as a problem? It's not going to harm anyone.

b) nobody has to walk through them. there is always a choice: walk through this bit of ash or don't.

JaneJudge

Oh I didn’t mean for fertilisation I just meant as remberance

Sorry my comment was about the previous post, not yours🙂

If it is strictly not allowed why do you think it is ok for you to do it?

In these situations, I think ‘What if everyone breaks that law”, if it is not the right thing for everyone to do then it is not right for one person.

Why not put them in your own garden?

Oh I didn’t mean for fertilisation I just meant as remberance

They don’t fertilise the roses. They really don’t. See above.

I can see Im going to have to let this one go.

Funnily enough I was only reading this morning how hard it is for people to let go of a mistaken belief, especially if the mistake accords with what they want to believe.

Burying not biting!

How about scattering or biting them in your back garden and planting a rose or a tree over?

Callistemon21

www.col.co.uk/help-advice/scattering-ashes-6-common-questions-answered

DH wants his taken out to sea but I know the wind will change direction at the last minute.

I'm with you Callistemon on this one.
My godfather's ashes were tipped into the sea, it was a windy day the sea was rough and they all got a mouthful of him/or his ashes. My DH wants to go to the top of a fell well if I'm still here I won't be with him.
In our village churchyard, we have a special plot for ashes to be scattered. Beside it is a substantial flat sandstone slab where names can be engraved.
I have heard so many tales of sneaking into cemeteries or picnicking at a beauty spot and someone scattering ashes that they are pepper and salt on your food.
My best friend left her loved one at the Crem and they fertilise the roses a lovely idea.

times more

BlueBelle

If they are scattered in the wind they won’t be in one place will they so there will be little pieces of ash flying away in the wind to land wherever it wants …perfect
My friends husband was scattered in the woods he helped look after I ve NEVER seen any bare patches there it’s lush and full of undergrowth
Hope you do what you wish Witzend

Human ashes contain 200 to 2000 more time sodium than different species of plants can tolerate and are poisonous to grubs and insects.
The resultant effect has knock on consequences for any larger wildlife in the area.

It’s all there online for anyone who wants to look.