Lost confidence in driving

I’m fine on local roads but haven’t driven on a motorway or dual carriageway for ages. I’m at my partners 50% of the time and he does all of the driving ( I can’t drive his car). I feel as though I’ve lost my independence and am terrified that they’ll introduce a driving test for older people that I’ll fail as I need my car to drive locally.

My tip: make a plan to drive those 10 miles at a slow time of day, get out and do it, a practice. Then go to an event in next village with new friends!

I always think I'm making my last drive into London, but then I drive again. Never a last time until it must be. You can do this!

I find I can lose concentration sometimes when driving so I talk to myself about the road ahead and find that helps. Also I divide a longer journey into stages so that I feel I’m making progress.

If I have to drive somewhere that I feel uncertain about, I search a route on Google maps (on my phone) and then hit Directions and Steps (I think that's what it's called) and read through the trip - whilst sitting on my sofa! In other words I kind of do a simulator of the trip in advance. Sometimes I print it out and keep that in the car as back up. It works for me.

You can do it!

I had a little mishap a few months ago. The sun blinded me and I drove into the grass at a roundabout (causing £1500 damage to my car). It scared me and I wanted to give up driving then and there. I worked out that when I got the car back, I would sell it and with the proceeds, pay for taxis, for the rest of my life. I might still do it at some point. But for the moment, I’m keeping the car, but use it sparingly. It’s handy, it’s there in the drive and I like the feeling of freedom to get into it and go wherever.
Hope that helps.

My driving lessons (long ago) were enough to convince me I didn’t want to drive - and I don’t. I manage perfectly well, but I do live in a city where there are plenty of taxis. It is much harder if you live in a village or semi-rural suburb.

I never had any confidence in driving. When every journey filled me with fear and stress and my old banger regularly broke down I gave up. My daughters would give me lifts, I foolishly supposed.
At a stroke I lost all my independence. Buses are hopeless and everyone’s too busy to drive me anywhere.
Keep driving as long as you possibly can.

Well done. My own tip (from advanced driving instructors) is to visualise the road map ahead, then as I drive I talk as if describing to an examiner "I am about to turn right, I check my mirror, I signal, I watch the oncoming traffic, I see a pedestrian I must be aware of........" I find that when feeling nervous, this makes me focus.
I would add that this is also an argument for decent public transport.

Well done LRavenscroft. I’ve seen quite a few GNs who are regular drivers, but post that they avoid multi storey carparks.

Don’t want to sound negative, but driving instructors round us seem to still be fully booked up since Covid.

Fitting in an odd refresher lesson or two might prove easier than a whole driving course for complete beginners though.

Thank you so much for all your kind responses. I am very pleased to say that I drove to our local supermarket today, did my weekly shop and drove home. Once I started I was happy reach my goal for today. Tomorrow I will drive into my local town and park up in the multi storey. Little by little. But this is the great community of Gransnetters as you do not feel alone.

My husband used to drive, new car so I had not yet driven in and then I was widowed. I remember my first hill with a junction at the top, I thought something was wrong as suddenly the brakes felt hard, it is for safety but I was not to know. It has been a process but does not take long to get back into driving well

I can face the horrible motorway into wales, prefer if it is not raining but so be it, just need to drive defensively these days, with anticipation, as there is so much more traffic now. My worst anxiety is not driving but to go somewhere new ie will there be parking, where to park etc

Take it easy first few times, you will soon adapt op

I’d definitely recommend a couple of refresher lessons with a professional, but in your own car.
At a recent assessment my friend was told her full driving license entitled her to drive anywhere in the UK and she had to be confident and competent enough to do so - on any road, in any weather.
I’ll put my neck on the line now and say that there’s no place on modern roads for nervous, hesitant drivers, who meander along holding up all the traffic.
I survived a near head on collision last week, when my older SinL failed to give way to oncoming traffic, as the sign said she should. The skill of the other driver saved us, but she dismissed the danger, saying she wasn’t concentrating!

I was a very nervous driver and after I passed my test at 17 I didn’t drive again for 10 years.

I did it very gradually I sat in the car checking lights etc next day I started the engine, the day after I just drove around the block.
All the following drives were well planned out, very short trips until I felt more confident.

The pay off is you feel you have been given wings and can go anywhere.

Little by little.

I agree with glammanana. Find a reputable driving school and have a couple of "refresher" lessons. (Perhaps friends or family can recommend a supportive driving instructor?) The coming lighter nights should be a helpful time for you to be "back in the saddle", so to speak. Good luck!

I have every sympathy.
It’s good that the longer evenings are well on their way as I imagine you are happier driving in daylight than in the dark.
10 miles along a road you know well should be very doable - and if you can try “popping out” for a couple of shorter runs when it is quiet -even a little round trip, I believe your confidence will return
Keep clear of any bits you are unhappy with - difficult junctions or busy roundabouts - initially and stick to areas you know so you don’t have the extra hassle of wondering which turn to take.
You may find it useful to have someone with you (I don’t, I prefer to keep my bumbling along at 40mph to myself) but you may care to try it.
Has your car been used in the interim? Again you may feel more confident if you know your tyres are in good order, at the right pressure and you are not low on fuel.
Good luck - use it or lose it, as they say.

Have you thought of booking a couple of lessons with a driving school or a reliable friend to accompany you for a few hours it may help.