DH doesn't want to go on holiday anymore

Maybe there's a reason he doesn't like travelling now. Possibly health ones - eg does he need access to toilets on a frequent basis, has he problems with hearing, sight, does he get travel sick, etc, etc.

If that is the case Eloethan, why not discuss this with his partner? Refusing to talk about it will not help, will it?

What’s the saying about retirement? “Men grow slippers and women grow wings”

Maybe this is all it is. I think I’d be more concerned about him sitting around all day doing nothing

I think if you go away on your own, you will grow wings and find a freedom you never realised you had

Could this be a type of acrophobia ? Just tell him you quite understand,is there anything he would like to do while you are away & book whatever you fancy with a friend.I think a lot of men are actually like this & just want to do next to nothing !

I’m wondering about your relationship if you want such different things. 60s is very young to give up on life and never get a change of scenery. If he doesn’t want to do things with you you may be better off without him. I used to do a lot of things without my first husband but it never felt right. My present partner and I happily do everything together. I’m early 70s and he’s younger and though I don’t want to go abroad we holiday all over the UK and really enjoy it.
But I guess if you could go with a friend it would be better than not at all.

Some years ago friends faced the prospect of a holiday with a couple of recalcitrant teenagers and the husband solved the problem by telling friends they were going on a camping trip in Spain or France when in reality they stayed at home. They ate out in nearby places, or ordered in food, the kids each had a friend to stay (sworn to secrecy). They did cinemas, bowling, lazed around and read a lot of books and said it was the best holiday they had ever had.

So - would your DH consider a 'holiday at home'? He may not fancy bowling but he might enjoy the comfort of home with luxuries bought in.

And you could please yourself.

Vintagenonna Why did your friends feel it necessary to tell friends they were going abroad when they were really staying home?
My late husband wished to get as far away from work as possible so he couldn't/wouldn't be contacted. I wonder if it would've worked just to say we were going but not to have the stress of actually going.

If he doesn't like flying, how about a cruise ....? I have no choice but to holiday alone, being a widow (no friends ...ha ha ) it is really ok to go on your own .......you can keep in touch with him all the time and send him photos .....get him to look at a few options with you, or talk to your friends ...maybe if a friend suggested you go as a foursome he would find it hard to say no ....used to on holiday on my own when my husband was alive as we lived in a beautiful place in the sun (abroad) and apart from us going together to visit his elderly mum in London, he wasnt too keen on going anywhere else ..to be honest where we lived was like a holiday every day anyway ! He loved DIY so when I came back there were often new changes to the house !!!! good luck

I feel very sad for you OP !! We all work so hard and make provision for a relaxing but interesting retirement !! Join a local group of single holiday makers and go off and explore with them, it won’t be the same as sharing it with some one you love but at least you won’t miss out - good luck and let us all know how it all goes

That’s my dream and husband that lets me go away and wants stay home. Lucky you 😊

I do understand this very much because my husband is just the same . He has diagnosed medicated depression after a stroke 15 years ago . He also just likes to sit and read or go on his phone or watch TV all day with a little bit of gardening in spring and summer . I think it's very common. He gets anxiety away from home out of his routine . All of his friends have died so he has no one to go for a pint with now . We have 6 sons but he gets on their nerves because of his low mood MH and health anxiety. I have really got a solution just wanted to empathise ! We have gone away overnight in a nice hotel in the lakes which he quite enjoyed . Maybe because it was just for one night ? Perhaps you try that near you ? Hope you can find a compromise .

Has he had any help with his anxiety? I know a few people whose anxiety has stopped them travelling. It’s so sad, as they want to go on holidays, but the anxiety is overwhelming. Their lives have become so small, stuck in their own little corner of the Uk. CBT has helped one of my friends hugely.

I haven't been away with DH for years - no hols without our son yet. Early years we had a disabled child.
In meantime, I learned Bridge and have been on lots of bridge hols abroad with Arena, First for Bridge, and Diamond Bridge hols.
I think we may soon have a holiday together and hope so. He's coming around to winter in the sun for a few weeks. In the meantime, he's had a few yoga hols on his own.
It's tricky but not insurmountable. If you go away a bit on your own, he may feel less under pressure too. He must feel a bit bad about it all.
Good luck

Could it be air travel that he dislikes? My husband hated flying as he was claustrophobic and found being in confined spaces difficult. Our GP gave him some diazepam in a small dosage to help with the flying. Maybe that could be mentioned to him and see what he says.

I think a lot of older people feel this way, not just men, women too.Holidays seem like a lot of stress.
Going away for a short break in the UK, maybe with not too long a drive to get there would be good to start with.
Heard loads of people say they need a holiday to recover from a holiday🤣
Chucking your case in the back of the car and staying in this country is pretty nice anyway, lots of good hotels or cottages.

The prospect offlying can be daunting but new places and experiences are always good for you. There are plenty of no-fly options. Cruises from UK ports, coach holidays in Europe. So I'm sure you can find something to suit.

If all else fails go away with a friend or on a singles holiday.

I thought that reply was a bit harsh! At the moment he’s getting what he wants, you’re the one who isn’t going on holiday. Go solo and have fun xx

I can understand your husband as I too am an anxious traveller, for various reasons, I'm in my 70's and my husband is nearly 80 and not as keen on travelling as he once was. However you are younger, so why not go on an activity holiday e.g. painting, cooking etc either alone or with a friend? Maybe your husband could be persuaded to come on some short city breaks with you, if he feels like it.

Go away with a friend or relative. Bring him back something nice. Then arrange for family/friends to visit you both at your house, if you have room. I'm sure he'd love to see people he rarely does, and you can arrange days out.
I totally understand where he's coming from as I hate travelling, too. My OH goes to visit his daughter every few months and she understands my hate of travel so she and her family come to ours about 2x a year!
If/when you do go away, ask a friend to pop in on him every couple of days to make sure he's ok, and you can call him, too!

I think it is out of order to imply that there is something wrong with Chatty Cathy’s marriage. She asked for advice not in depth analysis.
Cathy I wonder if you could schedule a day out somewhere. Or maybe stop for a nice lunch at a National Trust on your way back from your sons house. It does sound like travel anxiety but you can’t force him into seeing doc or any other treatment if he doesn’t want to go.
Possibly you could take a short break with a girlfriend but I would not go for a full blown 2 week adventure. I think that would be upsetting for him. Marriage is give and take and you will find a compromise I’m sure. Good luck.

He may well be depressed. It also may be that he is only willing to be around family because he feels less and less able to interact with people and situations where he doesn't exactly know what to do. Has he shown any signs of memory loss? Sometimes, and please forgive me for mentioning this, Alzheimer's brings symptoms of irritability, unreasonable attitudes, fear, and anger. Perhaps you should talk to someone professional by yourself, and get some advice before you do anything else. You say he has never liked to talk about substantial things, and has never really enjoyed the traveling part of holidays. Maybe he has a sort of anxiety that he has been fighting all his life. Very good luck to you in sorting this.

My husband has not wanted to go on family holidays except to Ireland every couple of years. I have been hostelling for 50 years since my teens and love meeting people - all ages, nationalities - when I travel alone, or with my dogs in the car. It's honestly not a scary prospect, actually very freeing. Don't worry about it, just do it.

A similar thing happened about 25 years ago -my mother flatly refused to go out in the evenings as well as on holidays .

She'd always got very dressed up to socialise with friends .

Their social life disintegrated as friends eventually stopped phoning .

As for holidays , she wouldn't even discuss them without getting extremely upset .

My father tried to compromise -perhaps if they went out just once a week instead of three times and if going abroad had become too much - could they have short trips in the UK ?

No negotiation .

Instead , my mother had stopped making any effort :
She wore frumpy clothes .
She sat for hours on the sofa watching endless TV programmes and overeating .
She ate packets and packets of crisps and endless bars of chocolate and gained a great deal of weight .

My mother had never watched TV before and never overeaten .
She was always proud of her appearance .

Invitations for supper from me were dismissed as she didn't like going out in the dark .
She wouldn't go out alone either .
It was a huge effort to get her to go out to lunch .
My father shopped alone and was sent out on endless expeditions daily .
Soon she wasn't getting dressed in her day clothes .
She'd sit chain smoking in the kitchen . The walls became heavily stained with nicotine

It was very sad for my father .

I've never liked holidays,I think we had 4 in the first 20 years we were married and only because of the kids.To be fair we made some good friends along the way and keep in touch.

Then we had a couple with friends who had a child the same age as ours ,nightmare.They always wanted to go to the same place .When we got there they dragged us round all the same places "they loved" and we had to be home by 10.30 or in bed by then when they wanted us all up and out by 8am.Trying to do things as our own family resulted in sulks so invariably we gave in. Then they'd book for the enxt year NEVER again.To be honest the kids were happier at the farm with thier GP's so they went there... a lot.

I/we'vehad the best of times since covid.....sitting up until 3am or later listening to music dancing round the living room talking round the firepit with a decent bottle of red .

You wont get me on holiday ever again,despite people saying you MUST go on a cruise, visit India,see whatever landmark or coast they think is amazing .and dont start me on beaches ...I flipping hate beaches ,theres no way I would sit on one in crowds of sweaty folk for even 5 minutes.Thankfully my OH feels exactly the same.

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