Friends not being very communicative

TwinLolly, maybe she could not receive visitors in her place, or cater as you do.
i've known of people like that.
some people never let others into their abode, for various reasons. not personal or ungenerous.
what if you had suggested meeting elsewhere, eg park cafe ?

Yes I too was the ‘organiser’ and driver most times .. and living alone, these friendships matter - so it’s hard when ‘friends’ don’t respond🥲

I had a 'friend' who was only interested in me inviting her for a cuppa tea or a meal. When I do, she is all friendly and happy and chatty. For me, I can't keep 'giving' and inviting her for a meal when I don't get invited back. And now because I've stopped inviting her around - the communication has virtually died.

Fortunately we can choose our friends. Friendship is a balance of give and take; and communication shouldn't be one-sided.

Good luck which ever way you choose!

I think post pandemic quite a few people are finding it hard to make the effort! I am myself, and have to make myself bother . .and then I enjoy myself when I do bother. I would keep gentle contact and also maybe say things like "Despite us all being in that miserable January slump" time of year, how about we stir ourselves for a nice cup of coffee together?" So acknowledging the potential lethargy as well as suggesting contacting.

Having been in a not too dissimilar situation, could you find a few activities that you like to do? i.e. local community hall, U3A, craft, Knitting etc Perhaps send them both a cheery card to say you are thinking of them and look forward to seeing them soon, then let them reply. I have found that as some friends get older they don't feel so sociable and it is not us, it is just how they feel. Keeping yourself busy keeps you active.

This is a difficult time of year for a lot of people. One of my closest friends turned up two weeks ago rather upset. Her DH is suffering from depression and being very difficult. She was finding it hard to cope so I spoke to her a couple of days later. I found her to be in a totally different mood up beat and everything was ok.

I must admit the change of mood surprised me. My DH suggested she might have regretted bearing her soul to me. I don’t understand why she would we have known each other over forty years and shared many worries.
I suggest you do your usual send a text ask how she is don’t take a no response to heart she will come around eventually.

maybe send a txt saying you are thinking of her, and that you are there for her when she wishes to make contact again. So no pressure on her and you are leaving the friendship open.. as others have said it is difficult to reach out if she is depressed. Just give it time...

At 72, I’m not surprised that my three close friends of over forty years don’t contact me very often now. Two are living with cancer and one had a serious stroke a few year's ago.
I do make a point of keeping up touch by phone and even visiting them at their home. Since lockdown this has all slowed down. I realise how lucky I am at this time not to have any serious illnesses.

I have about 5 different friendship groups, formed of different ex-colleagues, long established friends. There is one person in each of those Groups who is the "organiser". Thinking about it I'm that person in 2 of the groups. It maybe that due to family pressures, illnesses etc we don't see each other for months but keep in touch by text/Facebook etc. If we haven't heard from each other then I have sometimes left it for a few months and as a birthday approaches invited them for a meal/drink etc and it all starts again. I never take it personally if people drift and I have a couple of friends that I haven't been able to see as they live in another part of the country, since COVID but I'm determined I shall this year. Don't think it is you that is the issue because your friends aren't communicating currently, think of something in the Spring you could all go to and look forward to. That would be my way.

I'm a bit like your friends at the moment Bea.
Out in the car doesn't mean I'm feeling sociable.
Don't write them off yet.

When you are depressed, just communicating with people can be a huge effort in my experience. Meeting up is even more of an effort. You just don’t want the bother of it even though you value the friendships. Hopefully when the better weather arrives spirits will lift.

Sounds like they both could be depressed ?You mentioned the one has suffered in the past . Even though she was out driving doesn’t mean that she’s socializing . I know I go through periods where I don’t want to answer texts or calls because I don’t have the energy to make even small talk that feels like too much and I avoid reaching out or responding . It is the post Christmas exhaustion / let down & dreary January !

Theexwife perhaps it Jan blues and I get this too...maybe I will try again end of month ..I have a very small friendship circle and so do they ..so all the more confusing..as we've all been thru bereavements/health issues/surgeries etc so am feeling emotional about the state of friendships...

Sounds like the friendships are drifting. I would make one last attempt, a text arranging a meet-up in a couple of weeks time. If they respond and it goes ahead then great, if they do not then sadly it has to be left and accept the friendships are over.