My grandson hates me.

He doesn't hate his granny he is just going through a phase. Don't take it to heart maybe cut back on the jokes if they don't impress him. He will come round they always do no matter their age.

You need a serious conversation with your daughter. What doesn't she believe? Perhaps she regards your grandson's behaviour as just stroppy and trivial. More seriously, why does she think you need to move out? Does she feel that the new arrangement hasn't worked out for the family as they had hoped, or is she just fed up with you complaining about your grandson and is adopting the position "if you don't like it here, you should move out"? Unpleasant situation for you and I hope you can sort it out with the some commonsense and mature discussion.

Good advice already given, first thing that springs to mind for me is, why on earth didn’t you try it out the new living arrangements for a period of time before selling your home. That old saying “ you don’t know anyone until you live with them” springs to mind.

Could be an age thing ~ my DGD stays one or two nights every weekend, recently she has wanted to stay in my bedroom (where she sleeps) rather than being with us in other parts of the house we asked her if she would come out but said ’Sometimes I want to be alone’. We respect that feeling because she has very noisy younger twin brothers at home. She is 10, very slim but I can see her becoming broader in her hips - I was surprised to learn that now puberty starts around age 9.
I can remember being irritated by aunts who would sing over music I was listening to.
So I don’t think your GS hates you, it is probably that he feels you are ‘always there’. It is a big adjustment for you all to live together, but if I was in your position I would want to be self-contained and have a sitting room to be alone and it’s likely your GS feels the same. We have to accept the gradual moving away of children as they begin to embark on more independent lives.

Why don't you, as a family, sit down and discuss the whole situation? It sounds like your daughter may also be having second thoughts.. Have any of you calmly asked your grandson what this changed situation means for him, or if he has any fears or worries with regard to it. Talk it out and make adjustments that suit you all... maybe less integration and more space for you all...

Sounds to me as if the boy is still quite young - 7 or 8.

I remember that my parents went on making the jokes that had been funny when I was, say 5, two years later, when I felt much too old for that kind of baby nonsense.

I suspect something similar is going on here, plus that the child is finding it hard to get used to having his gran around all the time.

See less of him - stay in your own part of the house a little more, so he feels he has the option of not seeing you all the time.

More worrying is the fact that you say your daughter doesn't believe you and thinks perhaps you should move again.

I don't know if this is even possible for you, but unless you and your daughter can frankly discuss why she feels like this, I would not be in a hurry to make any decisions.

Give yourselves time to settle down in this new reality.

Lizzie44

You need a serious conversation with your daughter. What doesn't she believe? Perhaps she regards your grandson's behaviour as just stroppy and trivial. More seriously, why does she think you need to move out? Does she feel that the new arrangement hasn't worked out for the family as they had hoped, or is she just fed up with you complaining about your grandson and is adopting the position "if you don't like it here, you should move out"? Unpleasant situation for you and I hope you can sort it out with the some commonsense and mature discussion.

This.

Doesn't believe you, how? Doesn't she see him go with her or his father for errands so as not to have to stay with you? Can she ask her own son if what you are saying is true? I know it is, but she does not seem to want to admit it.

Well gaylemcedo hasn’t come back to give any further information so not really worth given any more time and consideration to the thread is there ?

If your small apartment is self contained, maybe spend more time in it, if you are not doing so already, and give your daughter and her family their space. Had a plan been discussed with your daughter regarding childcare, and how much time would be spent with them? Maybe you need to have a chat to iron things out. Also it sounds like your grandson, who I suspect is an only child, rather rules the roost. I looked after my grandchildren when they were younger, I lived nearby, but my daughter's husband expected me to leave their house as soon as either he or my daughter arrived home from work.

I bet he doesn't hate you, but instead finds you very annoying. This is what teenagers do. If they don;t do it they are unusual or very well trained not to show their feelings.

You should draw back and accept the relationship has changed You must protect your own interests, both psychologiclly and your home. I think it's most important you keep to your own apartment and be no more than polite and friendly when you meet.

Is it possible that he is picking up tensions from his Mum and Dad or between his Mum and Dad? Having a new person in the house can take some adjusting to, especially when there are different generations whose tastes and sense of humour vary enormously.

I don't know how much space you have to yourself but, as others have suggested, if you do have your own comfortable space it might be a good idea to make more use of it. And to go out and make your own friends so you do not feel so isolated - which sounds funny when you have your family around you but it is still possible to feel lonely and isolated when things aren't going right.

In the final analysis, if you do feel the arrangement isn't really working, do you have the option to move and buy somewhere nearby?

By the way, I think it is perfectly natural for you to feel hurt. I would too, especially if I had previously had a good relationship with my grandson.

He sounds as if he's heard parents having a right old moan about you!! Kids repeat and pickup thinking of stuff and takencriticism parents' say as gospel! They're very " all or nothing" !! I'd have a proper talk with your daughter and thrash it out. No point you wasting time worrying specially if you've sold your home to bolster their finances is it? If that's not the case , ask the lad what his issue is? Don't be bullied and assert your adultness over his (sounds like) adolescent naff attitude! I'd ask him to justify his jibes or belt up!! You live there now and unless they're financing a new residence, tough! They made the mistake of asking you in did they?

Your assessment of her shape is somewhat crude! What are you? Victorian match-maker?!? Puberty starts when it wants! My sis started periods at 9 and me? 14!! I had no hips/ boobs or body fluff until maybe 14/16 so these daft assessments are just that- daft! . Leave well alone no wonder she's hiding!

????

I feel for you gaylemcedo my lovely mum stayed with us for 4 months every Summer but wanted my attention and my children were great about her staying but only tolerated her.
My youngest daughter at 14 coming up 15 decided to move in with her auntie that year only coming home if nanny was out because she wanted me, not nanny and nanny’s opinions.
They all have a great relationship now they’re adults and mum has her own home and they can pop in and see her.
Good luck.

NannyAng
Please tell you your mother moved out - not your daughter

I have 2 grandchildren (3 and almost 6) who live in Australia. The both interact with me well when we FaceTime. My GD often asks her mum to time our chats for a bedtime story. However, when I visit, they lose interest after the initial excitement of my arrival, and tend to 'do their own thing.'

I would follow much of the advice given by others. Find your own interests and distance yourself, a little, from their family life. Re-install the novelty value by spending less time with your GC. Let him make the first moves.

You used to be a grandmother, you could go and visit. Now you are with him all the time. You need distance. The best thing is to talk to your daughter. She should be able to influence him.

Are you going to tell us how old your grandson is ?

Some have asked how old is my grandson. He is 6 and started kindergarten this year. I moved in because of some health issues. I am fine now and don't have any physical problems, I paid for the remodeling of the apartment and my daughter and son-in-law helped with furnishings which I reimbursed them for. Hope this helps explain my situation.
Thanks

Okay, he’s six. He’s probably upset that his world has changed and wants it to go back to normal. Just like a kid acts out when a new baby comes along, he’s jealous that things have changed with your arrival.

Give him time.

He is 6

He doesn't have a call on a new inhabitant in his own home

Give him space and time

I would also have a plan b just in case this living arrangement doesn't work

My grandson is almost 5 and like your grandson, lives with me and his mum. I used to be the favourite. Now Mummy is definitely the favourite. DGS is just coming out of a patch of not wanting to spend time with me. A couple of weeks ago he was adamant that he didn't want to hug me whereas he's all over his mum. It is a bit sad, but he's a child that I love. I don't let him know that it's hurtful and just carry on showing him love. Hopefully it'll pass.

He is 6 years old! Your description of him "hating" you is an adult interpretation of a child who is going Gheorghe a phase, who is trying to make sense of his new kiting arrangements and who rightly sees his parents as his main source of security. He foesnt hate you, on the basis of what you describe, he just needs time and patience. And you showing understanding and not ousting for things he cant/doesnt want to give!