Historic rape accusation, should we change behaviours?

That's an awful thing to have happened Onward, something I've also experienced. You're in effect being accused of lying without the word liar, ever being used.

Well said BaBaBoom.

My DH used to often call in on a neighbour couple on the way home from work.
If the man wasn't there, he wasn't allowed in and only got a quick chat on the doorstep.
Likewise, if my DD called and the woman wasn't in.

I don't know if anything had happened in their past, to cause their caution .

A point that seems to be ignored in this thread. False accusations by women are rare. Male sexual assault is not. Yet we pity men?

Yes, because most of us aren't misandrists and can easily understand that false allegations, made against anyone, male or female, causes untold misery and anguish. It is perfectly possible to pity, empathise or be sympathetic towards anyone who is the victim of false allegations made against them, whether that be for theft, sexual misconduct or the lack of support from the legal systems that were set up to help them.

I agree with you BlueBelle.

Yes it's horrible when people believe the "no smoke without fire " thing. I left an area once because of bullying. Someone started a horrible rumour and I felt it easier to leave because I didn't have the emotional energy to defend myself (and I also didn't feel I should have to!)

I think the type of people to believe a one sided rumor are not worth bothering with. There are gossips in every town.

Good point Siope.

To answer the OP: no

With regard to the other thread, representation, police response etc: we have no knowledge of what was offered, or if the police behaved appropriately. We know only what the alleged rapist allegedly told his wife.

You're right biglouis, accusations can be woman on man, man on man or as you sadly experienced woman on woman.

It's a terrible thing to be falsely accused, as there'll usually be someone who'll say 'there's no smoke without fire even though there can be.

I m staying off the other thread as I m not sure it all tallies
I ll watch and see
I think we must all be careful and aware but not stop helping each other that would be so awful
I had a man (tradesman) in the house for 8 hours last week I didn’t know him and I was alone but we have to trust don’t we?

Accusations of interfearing with someone (particularly if they are vulnerable) to not have to be "man on woman". During the first lockdown I used to phone several people for ring and chat (got contacts from a local charity). I became very friendly with some of my chat partners. However one relative suddenly appeared out of the woodwork and implied that I was phoning her mother for some nefarious purpose (I didnt even know her address). The charity advised me to immediately disengage and I never found out what happened - except that social services became involved. Never heard from the lady again and I often wonder what happened to her.

Nowadays you have to be soooo careful working with anyone vulnerable. One of my neighbours was recently widowed, has clear symptoms of dementia and lives alone. I make sure not to get involved as it can so easily be taken the wrong way.

No I haven't, I haven't answered your ridiculous question.

Yet you have. 🙄

What does that have to do with my post you've quoted GagaJo? It's such a ridiculous question I'm not going to dignify it with an answer.

Smileless2012

I pity anyone who has a false allegation made against them, man or woman.

Do you pity the 98% of women who suffer sexual assault? 90 of which (or more) who get no support/conviction from the legal system?

I pity anyone who has a false allegation made against them, man or woman.

Galaxy

Do they make sure they are never alone with men as well. Because statistically that's when they would be at more risk.

A point that seems to be ignored in this thread. False accusations by women are rare. Male sexual assault is not. Yet we pity men?

I hope he does.

I think that's illegal Callistemon. A suspect should be offered legal representation before being interviewed

Yes, I said that on the other thread.
The man can put in a complaint to the IOPC.

I think that's illegal Callistemon. A suspect should be offered legal representation before being interviewed.

You make a good point Sago and TBH it's not something I've ever considered. It's sad that some may be put off helping someone in need for fear of being falsely accused, but understandable.

If any male friend of DH called when he was out I might invite him in for a coffee and a mince pie to wait for DH to come home rather than stand chatting on the doorstep and letting all the warmth out.

What struck me about the case on another thread was that the allegation was about an incident 10 years ago, yet the man was arrested and taken to the police station late at night and kept there over night.
It was strange that he was not offered legal representation before he was questioned and detained.

What struck me about the case on another thread was that the allegation was about an incident 10 years ago, yet the man was arrested and taken to the police station late at night and kept there over night.

I suppose this must be within the law or it wouldn't have happened. But is it not OTT, given the time since the alleged offence and the ages of the two parties? Could it really not have waited until ordinary working hours?

Do they make sure they are never alone with men as well. Because statistically that's when they would be at more risk.

Where do you draw the line? I've got a retired hairdresser who comes and cuts my hair. I'm usually alone with him and it's never occurred to me that he might do more than cut my hair. I pay him with cash so I don't even know his surname or where he lives - if he ever tried anything I suppose he could just disappear. I rely on the fact that I've known him for 5 years, just as I've known my male neighbours for over 20 years.

It's a very sad situation caused as a reaction to the behaviours of some predatory men. Decent men, which are the majority, sadly are not wrong to have to protect themselves from allegations. I know several professional men who are careful never to be on their own in potentially difficult situations eg offering a lift home to single women or carrying out solo home visits. Of course this shouldn't be necessary but it's prudent in certain circumstances.

I would say take care. My husband used to always help a lady up the road who would happily grab his arm when saying thank you. He once touched her shoulder when saying come this way. She turned on him as if he was about to attack her. There are a lot of women who have double standards.

The behaviours that need to change are men's. False accusations are rare. I'm aware of the other thread and won't pass comment on it, but at least half (if not more) of female GN members will have suffered some kind of sexual assault at some point in their lives.

Assuming innocent men are routinely at risk of a false accusation is untrue. Yes, it happens, but it's hugely outweighed by the number of rapes and assaults that are either never reported or that are reported and do not result in prosecution.