Uninvited at Christmas.

My family always assumed I would come to them for Christmas day, even though they knew I hated it. When I moved to a different city I was more or less stuck with them from Christmas eve til the day after Boxing Day as I do not drive. In order to avoid the horrendous family christmases I began going away (I had friends in Morocco). Later I just TOLD them I was going away and stayed at home.

I would hate to think of anyone coming to spend time with me if I knew they were watching the clock until they felt they could politely leave.

Being alone at christmas is no different to being alone at any other time of year if you enjoy your own company.

People often confide things to me that they would not tell other friends.

I don't understand why she keeps venting with you, this is has been going on for years with one daughter

What is the purpose of involving you in her personal life this way?

Lathyrus

When you say they had arranged to head ff for the weekend, do you mean they had just assumed they could turn up for Christmas or they had been invited and the the invitation was cancelled? Or they were staying at a hotel close by?

I don’t really understand the circumstances.

I presume they know by the children's attitude that they will not be invited by any of them and rather than sitting at home alone they are going to go away somewhere for that weekend.
They seem resentful of father in laws involvement but the fact that one daughter has not spoken to them for years hints at some major disagreement in the past.
My friend claims to have no idea why her daughter is like this but it's hard to believe she hasn't some idea.
Anyway as someone said all families are different.

When you say they had arranged to head ff for the weekend, do you mean they had just assumed they could turn up for Christmas or they had been invited and the the invitation was cancelled? Or they were staying at a hotel close by?

I don’t really understand the circumstances.

It can be very awkward, not knowing if an invitation is forthcoming or not, or from which relative. My children tend not to invite me as they know my husband will not go, and understandably I am reluctant to leave him on his own, though he says he wouldn’t mind. ( He has eating difficulties). I would love to be with them on the day, as they have busy lives and really only take the one day off together as a family.

Lomo123

They should disregard and do their own thing.

That's what they are doing. They obviously feel left out though by complaining to me.

They should disregard and do their own thing.

If all 3 AC have rejected the parents - usually something major happened

Nothing you can do but to support your friend

I'd hate to think that any of my children feel obliged to invite me. I'd never assume that I'm invited either. I always do a 'pre-Christmas' big dinner (in early December) for the kids (and their partners and kids) to have a get-together here. I'm invited to one of their family celebrations as a guest on the day itself. When Covid was rife, I declined and stayed here - and was perfectly happy on my own.

I've let them all know (and emphatically) that I enjoy my own company, so never feel that you have to include me - but still they do. Silly, really, as I'd like to stay here again/more often, just need a good reason to.

Well, it’s not just about Christmas, is it? Sounds like they don’t have much to do with each other all year. Getting together just because it’s Christmas sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Nobody knows what goes on or has gone on in a family from the outside.

Hithere

Sadly, each family is different

In your friend's case, looks like there is previous history (returning gifts, daughter telling them about calling, etc)

Were they originally invited that weekend by their AC?

I have to agree there is certainly some history here.

Also I would never presume that I was invited somewhere unless it had actually been said. Maybe the family have decided to go away for Christmas or whatever and the GPs would just not fit in with these plans. The fact that the FiL is still invited just means it's the family's prerogative to spend their Christmas with whom they choose and however they choose to spend it.
Maybe your friends should be encouraged to go away for their Christmas in a hotel and do something different.

No but I think father in law's family get favoured. I don't know the history but one of the daughters claims dad is not her real father. There is obviously more to it but sad that all 3 children seem to have rejected them.

Sadly, each family is different

In your friend's case, looks like there is previous history (returning gifts, daughter telling them about calling, etc)

Were they originally invited that weekend by their AC?