Paying towards Xmas stay

THEy arent well off as their mortgage is high.

Have just offered but dd refused. Hope she wasn’t offended.
I usually bring lots of Christmas goodies with wine and fizz, chocolates etc and that is enough she said.

Poppyred I agree as well, I wouldn't dream of not contributing
financially. My offspring are all working full time so preparing
the Xmas lunch is quite an undertaking when you are a large
family. All the siblings chip in with food and wine. Having been the provider of xmas lunch for many many years I know
full well the cost of it.

I think it may be inconceivable to people who have never actually experienced very lean times. Times where it is a case of heat or eat. For people in that situation money or specified items are what is needed, not maybe the extra (lovely though they are) luxury items, but bog standard basics. If you have nothing, you can't afford to be offended by helpful money. If you've got plenty, you can. I remember a friend at university who went back home for Sunday lunch telling me he paid his mum for it. That shocked me, even though I had experienced real poverty before. Made me remember those bad times. Some of our other friends from comfortable backgrounds laughed at him! So easy to judge isn't it?

We do as others do, go laden with gifts, including Christmas cake, Christmas pud, Chocolate log, mince pies and crackers!

I never heard of such a thing. You give and you take, surely.

We go to our DD’s for 3 days over Xmas. We have an arrangement whereby they buy the food and we buy the alcohol and take it over with us. It works well for us and eases the shopping burden for us both.

For years whichever member of the family invited the others at Christmas provided part of the actual Christmas dinner, bought the tree and factored in the added use of electricity, heating, and warm water into the household expenses for December and January.

My parents who drove a fair distance to come to us, paid their own petrol, brought petfood for their dog and cat that came for Christmas as well, provided either the wine for the meals, or some of the food for Christmas Day and the following day, as Christmas dinner is eaten on Christmas Eve here.

My aunt often brought dessert, my sister contributed something else. All this neccessitated a fair amount of staff work on the part of the Quartermaster-general (me).

One year when no relatives were coming and we invited friends for Christmas dinner we by prior agreement priced the meal and divided the sum amongst us and asked everyone to bring their own drinks.

These arrangements worked for us and no-one felt put upon or forced to spend more than they really could afford.

Poppyred

I think a lot on here are naive. Of course your loving family won’t ask for money - BUT Christmas is very expensive and taking the odd box of Chocs and bottle of `Wine goes nowhere near money spent for the BIG day.

Hang on, one person extra is hardy a massive extra expense, in fact if the bed is normally empty and special Christmas meal is planned there may be no extra expense at all.

Of course if the family is short of cash then help them of you can, but don’t put a price on the stay.

Now thinking if we were were asked to stay somewhere for 4 days I would have a conversation about how we split the cost and still go loaded with stuff. Funny isnt it. Never ever thought it could be perceived as an insult. And yet would hate it if people felt like they are expected do that coming here. Oh heck.
Thankfully any invited here are of similar mindsets to us and we none of us have lots to splash around so generally tend to just muck in but would not judge anyone if they didnt. What a good post. Its really got me thinking !!

Agree Poppyred quite apart from extra heating, laundry etc if you are staying over.

I think a lot on here are naive. Of course your loving family won’t ask for money - BUT Christmas is very expensive and taking the odd box of Chocs and bottle of `Wine goes nowhere near money spent for the BIG day.

If I invited guests here for 4 days I would have no expectation that they would have to pay me for the privilege particularly family. Shocked at the suggestion that they might think they would have to. However if they came with gifts, drinks or food contributions or wanted to pay if we went for a meal I wouldnt turn them down. In all honesty thats what would probably happen anyway.

Why are you paying your adult kids. If I’m invited to someone’s place I would ask if I can bring anything and even if they say no I still turn up with something my youngest son mum inlaw invited me for Christmas she said I only needed myself but I took nice biscuits and chocolates cheese board and a Christmas cake lol yes she went mad at me. If I said to my kids here’s some cash they would send it back and say mum we adults now. It’s our turn to look after you. I’ve tried lol

how about a supermarket voucher as a present? that will help tide them over the next few weeks and presents are none offensive.
Maybe as well as taking what you want to for the day. Cooking the dinner and extra heating for people is also an added expense.
I know when DD2 stayed here for a month (over Christmas/Jan baby due and her local maternity hospital do not deal with c sections along with her then 2 yr old ), I did ask for a contribution towards the leccy as they have 5 times my very low income, and she did buy some food towards feeding them as well.

I always take sausage rolls, mince-pies, a cooked ham, Christmas cake and pudding, all home-made. Plus chocolates and a few bottles; that seems to keep everyone happy!

My brother always brings the cheese board, all delicious different cheeses from a speciality shop. Our friend brings desserts. When in laws came they always paid for the turkey. Boxing Day everyone brings something so it’s not too expensive for us.

Always ask to split the food bill and say we're not coming if they don't agree. We still get our food cooked beautifully and waited on so to pay our share of the food is only fair. Give a gift into their bank accounts for Christmas separately.

Gosh, really cannot imagine some form of financial agreement with family over the Christmas period.
Surely everyone mucks in, if you are hosting then guests invariably say "What can I bring " so you tell 'em ! I don't mean a hamper from Fortnums but contributions welcome.
Money I would be very uncomfortable with however.

Another vote for no cash just presents food wine Christmas cake etc my lot would be offended if I offered money.

I always make the pudding, mince pies, brandy butter etc, bread sauce, cranberry sauce. Take wine, chocs, prizes for the games and anything else they might like.

Even though my dear late Mum would never join us she always paid for our meat in the festive period from her online butcher and it covered Turkey, ham, Christmas pud, lamb and beef - tummy ! We have the three adult children who still live at home for Christmas Day and the other two come with their partners and our one grandchild for the day either just before it just after Christmas

I dont do christmas but I dont hesitate to charge relatives, friends and neighbours for services or to be up front about doing so. Its best to be businesslike.

There is extra heating as well. Us oldies probably need a lot more heating than younger families with the children running round and parents always "oh their feet".

It's easier these days - a quiet, "I've popped some money as a bank transfer so we can really enjoy ourselves" is easier than it used to be (cheques, cash are so much more "in your face".

In my case my DS and DiL are a lot better off than me - they've helped me out in the past with a warm coat, all done by a tactful, "popped some money into your account for"....

Too easy to say ' we wouldn't dream of giving or receiving cash' extra guests cost money in lots of ways not just food. In these straitened times I think many host families would appreciate some financial input. Alternatively agree to supply food as needed.