The best age to start a family?

Early 20s for me and for my DD .....but whatever works for you is just fone

Mine never arrived to plan!

I used to wonder how people could decide it was time to have a baby and immediately get pregnant to order.

My fantasy land guesstimate would be to start at 25. This gives reasonable chances for longish grandparenting down the line as well as many other opportunities.

Married at 29 (prior getting married I had great fun!)
Had my 1st one when I was 33 second one at 37.
I was ready then to be a Mum.
Career sorted, financially stable. nice home.
I was able to work 3 days a week in a career I still undertake.

I didn't have any girl friends who had babies in their early 20's, we all had ours in our 30's.
It really depends on your circumstances.

It is a very complex issue. I was probably too young when I had mine, I don't know. But I think many of us will agree that waiting to be in your 40s is probably not a good idea, in most cases.

Having mine in my very early 20s meant I could be at home with them, and supporting my OH's career, and still be young enough to go and study for a Degree in my early 30s and have a full career ahead of me.

“Man proposes, God (or Nature) disposes “
We thought it would be a good idea to have a baby in 1973 when we were 25/26 ish
Nature thought otherwise and we were parents for 30 precious days before he died 49 years ago tomorrow.
There is no “right” or “best” time is there?

So sorry Maw that is hard to bear I know.

Maw it will be a very poignant day for you tomorrow.

There is no “right” or “best” time is there?

No, I was just thankful and surprised!

No right age depends on circumstances! So I’d say when you are ready!

I am so sorry to hear Maw. I cannot imagine the pain and distress, then and forever.

MawtheMerrier

“Man proposes, God (or Nature) disposes “
We thought it would be a good idea to have a baby in 1973 when we were 25/26 ish
Nature thought otherwise and we were parents for 30 precious days before he died 49 years ago tomorrow.
There is no “right” or “best” time is there?

I'm sorry, death of the love of my life is my worst fear.

You were parents for 30 days? Oh my, that is a short time. No "right" time at all for birth or death, imo.

Apart from that, the festive season must be difficult.

Physiologically the consensus seems to be in the 20s is best; but social considerations have an impact. Starting families now happens much later as far as I can see. Seems a bit of a high risk strategy to me, given the ticking clock.

I am glad that my first 2 appeared in my 20s .... it was certainly easier than the third who I had at age 34 and I did find it harder - I did not have the same energy really.

I was occupied with higher education and job until my mid twenties, married at 28, first child aged 31, second at 34. This is almost exactly the same as my mother. I had a friend who married at 22. I thought she was crazy!

My DIL had her first child at 33, 2nd at 37. To me, the 30s seem best. By then you are more prepared to be domesticated than in the 20s. At least, I was.

I think I read somewhere that the best age was 19. Just not practicable for many nowadays.

I was 28 when I had my first, and in the late 70s was down in my notes as an ‘elderly’ primigravida - which it was then, I suppose - I was easily the oldest on the maternity ward. You’d think they could have said ‘older’ though!

Dd had hers at 38, 39, and nearly 43 - the last two without even trying. I know she was very lucky though - besides presumably super-fertile. SiL has now had the snip!
A lot of her friends had theirs at similar ages though. One had her 2nd at 45.

Had first at 29 and second at 31. They, in turn, had late pregnancies so I was a Gran for the first time at 72. It’s fine though. I’m happy to play with the 8, 9 and 10 year olds. I did a lot of childminding in my 70s, a bit less now but always happy to.

Apart from that, the festive season must be difficult

That first Christmas was hell - every time I heard Away in a Manger I simply dissolved. But we had each other.
Equally bad after DH died as others who have been widowed will no doubt confirm - I had to dump my trolley and flee the supermarket at the sound of the Sally Army brass band outside.
But back to the thread- the only “right” age IMO is when you both want to become a family.

Callistemon21

Mine never arrived to plan!

I used to wonder how people could decide it was time to have a baby and immediately get pregnant to order.

Same here,one took four years and the other a weekend. What a shock we got and a right good telling of from MIl for having them too close together.
When I went in to have the second I knew one of the nurses from the time before and she laughed and said how adamant I had been not to have another the first time. I was not quite 28 when I had the first and looked at the doctor's notes and saw elderly primigravidae .

Yammy, my dd didn’t twig that number two was already ‘cooking’ until at least 12 weeks - first scan showed 14.5 weeks! Her first two were only 15 months apart. Hard work at first but brilliant ever since.

I had my first at 22 ( married at 19) second at 26 and third at just 30, had got pregnant at 29.

DD had twins at 33 after a successful career and went back to work later.

I stayed at home for 12 years and went back to work when the youngest was 6. I then went back to university ad retrained for a second career which I still do part time at 69.

I’m glad I had mine when I was young my daughter was glad she had hers when she was a bit older each to their own

I was early 40s when I had mine - just circumstances. Had plenty of energy to deal with sleepless nights and a crazy toddler. Still have plenty of energy to deal with pre-teen dramas and issues. It’s been the most fun! I wasn’t even down as an older mum on my maternity notes, neither were others I know of a similar age.

Yammy, the first took years, the next not so long and the next was a surprise (but very welcome!) 😂

Witzend

*Yammy*, my dd didn’t twig that number two was already ‘cooking’ until at least 12 weeks - first scan showed 14.5 weeks! Her first two were only 15 months apart. Hard work at first but brilliant ever since.

I didn't mind mine being close to together either. We lived a long way from relations and they always had each other. The second could talk really early and got out of nappies before they were two. I think they copied the first.
A third was not to be unfortunately. I would have liked a nice serprise.

That must have been so very hard for you, MawtheMerrier and I think you are very brave to talk about it here (hugs)

In your 20's it's easier to get pregnant and more chance you will recover quickly and have a healthy child. After 25 your fertility declines gradually until you reach your late 30's early 40's, where there is more risk of problems in the pregnancy or for the mother. However many people sail through it and as you get older you are better prepared for motherhood. I think many people don't meet someone they want to start a family with until they are a bit older. It's what's best for the couple. I had my first child at 20 never regretted it, I was more laid back than a lot of older mothers as I just took it in my stride, I enjoyed being a young mom and grandmother, I had a new career at 40 and my husband and I did the things we couldn't afford when young parents. I don't think I would like to be a first time grandmother in my seventies, I haven't the energy I had in my forties and would be a different sort of grandparent. Also my husband died young and would never have seen them, do we just we just the most of what we have when it comes along.