Dealing with "casual callers"

I was brought up as a service kid and we always had people just popping in for a cup of tea and a chat but it doesn’t seem to be the trend now and I loved it

My immediate family are really formal and old fashioned .
It's invitation only !

I do enjoy seeing friends for tea and have by-passed the problem by having tea in the garden - only now it's a bit too chilly !

I just don't answer the door/phone if I don't want to. I appreciate it if people ring in advance before arriving but in general don't mind if they drop in. Neighbours and their children often drop in.

One of MrA's ex tennis partners dropped by yesterday on spec. Haven't spoken to her for over a year. I was weeding out the front and she got down and helped me out while we chatted and had a coffee and some carrot cake. Now if only someone who likes ironing would drop by tomorrow

biglouis
Nothings changed then from last March?
Or has it. You still seem very angry over this issue.

Many years ago my now husband and I decided independently to surprise each other. He was living in London. I was in South Wales. We reckon our trains crossed somewhere around Didcot!
No mobile phones in those days so it was very late that evening when we finally caught up with each other.
I have been very wary of casually dropping in on anyone since then!

I much prefer visitors here to give me at least enough time to put some cupcakes into the oven. I don't keep biscuits etc in the house because I'd eat the lot so need a bit of warning so I can be hospitable.

We used to visit our mam on a Sunday until one Sunday we got there and she has sold the dining table. A great big hint she’d had enough of us all and our kids on a Sunday no more teas at nanas! Pretty direct I’d say!

Why does nobody feel able to say something along the lines of
“Lovely to see you, but I am on my way out/going to the dentist/ going shopping/due to pick the grandchildren up. How about one day next week? Let’s fix a time. ”
And go out.
Or if they are there and show no sign of leaving, stand up, put your coat on say “I’ve got to go out now, can I give you a lift, / which way are you walking?” Then leave

I have 2 neighbours who do ‘casual’ visits. They are harmless. I tolerate them, but I wish they would visit at the same time, so that I can get it over with ?

I am with kitty that is why I love my boiler tap as I can provide hot drinks instantly.

This experience has left me very wary of visitors popping in .

After one friend abused my friendship years ago time after time by overstaying his welcome I am now very wary of allowing new friends to visit in case it happens again.
Before you judge me harshly let me explain. Friend turns up unannounced. Invited in for a coffee. 3 hours later still there. Children now hungry and want lunch but friend just stays regardless so ends up having lunch with us .Stays again znd now it's tea time and on it goes
Eventually after months of this happening time after time I end up saying its unacceptable and its an abuse of our friendship.
Friend unhappy and flounce off saying won't stay where they are not welcome etc.
A few weeks by and they turn up and do it all again.
Grrrr.
Now we are not friends at all.
They had my nerves in shreds.

But surely ‘no callers’ doesn’t refer to your friends?

I have a very explict message on my front door to the effect that I do not engage in political or religious chat, give to collections or buy from salespeople. It specifically says "No callers without appointment".

Yet there there are people who seem to think it does not apply to them. They get ignored or a very harsh dismissal.

I enjoy having casual visitors, especially if they bring cake.

But I always phone ahead, we live quite a way from our (very few) friends and I wouldn’t drive for miles only to find they are out, and we always take cake or something savoury.

MerylStreep

I thought I was having a funny moment when I saw the heading, as in, I’ve seen this before.
But no, I’m ok. The OP posted the same question in March this year.

And were the responses the same?

Some people are designed to be gregarious, others to be hermits.

I would have thought that anyone you know would have got the message by now, biglouis
?

I’m with kitty Aldom Maw and Meryl. I love casual visitors and if they want to stay late I feel they are enjoying themselves and are comfortable (one actually went to sleep on the sofa last week ) This social interaction is to me what life is all about.I love being interrupted especially if housework is on the agenda!

Biglouis - your post made me smile. Your grandmothers and mine came from very different places in society!
The neighbourliness and co-operation that characterised the working class women of that generation is something that I valued.
Personally, these days I don't feel strongly either way. To each their own, but I'm always happy to see folk.

Everyone is always welcome. There are so many people who are lonely or just in need of a chat so I will always do my bit to help and there is always someone I can drop into if I need a chat. Rather than having make an appointment for some day in the future.

Open house here ? no matter what we’re doing. At the moment we are lining the outside walls of our bungalow. Radiators to be removed, shelves taken down etc, but we still stop for callers and offer tea/coffee.

Some of you seem to have a lot of friends /local family!

People dropping in is a distant memory from being a young mother.now I meet friends in a cafe, for a walk etc.

Also I’m going to say it… some if you seem very uptight about it all and a bit ungrateful!

I thought I was having a funny moment when I saw the heading, as in, I’ve seen this before.
But no, I’m ok. The OP posted the same question in March this year.

My mum used to ask any visitors, both casual and planned, “How long can you stay? “ It showed they were welcome, yet established some boundaries at the outset.
If their answer was open- ended, she would say “Well I have to go out at x o’clock, but you are welcome to stay till then.”

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kittylester

I love casual callers.

Hear, hear
We have had a thread this weekend about feeling lonely and it is clearly an issue which affects a lot of people.
If people can’t drop in - they won’t.
You can’t have it both ways.
My grandparents were not of the class who made “formal calls”. They had a business and a shop on the High Street and as a child I have a vivid memory of my grandfather standing in the doorway of their house which was beside the shop, chatting to all and sundry and putting the world to rights. Granny would in the shop -again a place for a chat as well as buying or selling.
I don’t think they had a lonely moment in their lives!