Father’s Day and adult children

If my two kids forget …that’s ok. If they remember that’s ok too! We’re not a fussy family over stuff like that. Don’t make mountains out of molehills. They both forgot our 50th wedding anniversary ….. but then, so did my husband. Just not fussed.

My sons have nothing to do with their dads so that one doesn't come into the equation for us but Mothers' Day is easy in our family because it always falls within about a week of my birthday (which they wouldn't dare forget lol), so no reminders necessary here.

My adult son is absolutely useless.
I used to buy presents for him to give his sisters, and nieces and nephews, then I thought I must be mad, I’ve left it up to him now, and he does nothing,
He’s single, so no wife to nag him

Men are so disorganized because for generations, they have been enabled and excused from having that basic skill - why shall they do something when they have women to do it for them?

mokryna is absolutely right about the origins of Mothering Sunday, which is always on the 4th Sunday of Lent.

Has anyone worked out that Father's Day is exactly 9 months before Mothering Sunday? Just saying!

To put a different spin on the OP, I would say the daughter does not want her brothers reminded so that she remains the "thoughtful/good" sibling by remembering the day. Again, just saying!

Men are not organised because we are daft enough to organise for them. It all falls apart when left to their own devices.
One year when my DD lived abroad I was laughed at when no card came for Mother's day as it was on a different day. Very different on fathers day when no card came for him.

I suppose it also depends on how much you make of these days. We do not make anything special of Mother's/Father's day and while it is nice to receive a card, we do not even want presents or any big show. Our children do not live near us, anyway.

DS struggles with ADD and has enough of a problem remembering where he left his car keys and wallet. However, last week he made a 400 mile round trip, to be present at the funeral of my dear friend, where, in childhood, her son had been one of his friends, despite having to bring his work with him, and that journey showed his love and thoughtfulness for us. That he forgot about a father's day card is neither here not there.

Never bought my father one. Never received one from my children. Quite happy.

* Why are men so disorganised!*

Usually, sadly, its because they know a woman who has been raised to be organised will sort it all for them.

It is not about stuff. It is about showing love and respect.
Our son and daughter always remember and daughter lives a long way away. She is very organized and card and present always arrive well in time and she always telephones on the morning of the big day. Our son usually visits on the morning of the big day with card and present. This year he texted at 7am to say that he would not be coming over as his wife has Covid and we are going away for a few days so he didn't want to put us at risk by bringing germs with him. The best thing is that both their cards have a hand-written message thanking their father for all he does for them and saying how much they love him. These days they do more for us than we do for them. But the message on the card and the phone call mean so much to him.

I remind our sons about family birthdays, anniversaries etc. But now that they're fathers themselves they are well aware of Father's Day! One son (just a few miles away) visits, but for the other two it's a very expensive and long journey, so we tell them not to come. They always phone but rarely send cards, which disappoints DH a little. I feel it's more important for them to remember his birthday as it's 'his special day'. I've always been the 'rememberer/organiser' in our family. All birthdays & anniversaries are marked on the calendar together with ages etc, and I buy all the cards I'll need at the start of each year and file them in a box in date order ready to send together with stamps. One son asked me for a list of family birthdays with ages and addresses. He lost it. Why are men so disorganised!

Thank you, Maw. DS and I raised a glass last night to our late DD/DH.

As it is important to your husband, I agree you should drop a gentle hint to your sons. No need to tell your daughter you have done so.

Personally, I would like to see both mother and father's days abolished. I never understood why our parents should expect to be made a fuss of on one particular day of the year. They have birthdays like everyone else. But that is just me.

When I wanted to give either of my parents a present apart from their birthday or Christmas presents I just went ahead and did it.

Interesting topic ,unless I figure out who’s doing what else where and organize a get together they all without fail call the day of . Rarely a gift or card is given. I used to suggest a group gift of something I knew he’d like. It was just a habit as I organized it all when they were kids . It got tiring once they were adults and I stopped and said he’s your dad you are adults do what you want for him !! So they just call .
I’m a bit disappointed at the lack of effort but I’m trying to let that go and accept and be grateful they at least call .

My DDs usually remind each other, so lucky to have DDs who are best friends, but don't live in each others pockets. DD1 rang on Saturday evening to ask him if he would like to go for a very long walk yesterday - he was delighted. He got a present as well! DD2 arrived with a pressie once he'd got back. A successful day.

Yes I do and I always get reply back saying don’t worry we’re not forgotten. But I remind my oldest granddaughter who doesn’t live with her dad and she text me back and said no worry nanna my mum reminded me but she is only 11. They don’t need me to remind them I just do it that’s just me I’d love if someone would do that to me but unfortunately my dad no longer here.

I decided not to organise my 2 daughters for FD this year. Outcome a very sad father. I think a quick message to both of them in future will be needed.

I get mom day every year from my eldest cos he is married. My beautiful DiL ensures its sorted.

My late husband used to ensure the other 3 boys did it and my daughter rings me.

My youngest 3 live abroad so my daughter sees it on social media as moturrs day is on a different day abroad.

The other 2 boys (adult youngsters) abroad don't and I'm OK with that

I've never been a big one on cards like my daughter isn't. I'm their mom. We are close and in regular contact.

Men aren't good with these things hence why I know it gets sorted by my DiL

Our DS and DD's remember, particularly now they are parents themselves, just a card and usually some chocolates or a paperback.

One daughter will always send a card, our son will text, and youngest will always bring around a gift.
We see them all the time, and I don’t think my husband would be bothered if they forgot.
My dad always forbade us to get involved, he said it was a load of rubbish!

My daughter always reminds my son. He is loving boy but tends to forget these sort of things. But we honestly don’t mind, his Dad is seriously ill but he takes him out once a week for an hour or so, every time he goes shopping he rings to see if we want anything, he cuts our lawns occasionally, he washes our car. These things are more important to us.

My parents always made me (the oldest) the appointment reminderer. As “the daughter” and “the oldest” it’s always been my job to organise things. I became quite resentful as we all aged, so while I might still plan something, it’s not my job to make sure everyone shows up.

They are adults. They’ll remember and make it a priority, or they won’t. I can’t twist myself into knots trying to anticipate it anymore

I dont remind, its a case of they are old enough to take on board.

As well as being Father’s Day today is my late FiL’s birthday and I am sad to think that I am probably the only person now who knows this. DD and DS will certainly miss their father today and at present most days.

Im glad you put that thorough explanation Mokryna because simetimes it annoys me when people say Its all commercial .It mustve been wonderful for those in service to be able to get back to see their families . I know Fathers Day is more modern but its surely only fair in these days of equality .I do remind our sons but whats the harm in it ?