why do we say 'passed'?

I work with bereaved children, we always say ‘died’ otherwise it can be so confusing for them.

Some body on the television yesterday said that someone’s life had expired. Never heard that saying before.
I use the word died. x

It’s also like saying you have ‘lost’ someone. Sadly they are not just lost. I always use died or dead I hate the use of ‘passed away’

HowVeryDareYou

I can never understand the term "lost" either - I know several people who say they "lost" their loved ones.

Because it is a great loss. Again:

c1405 Chaucer Knight's Tale Vp on peyne of los of lyf.

1616 Shakespeare King John ^ I lo[v]'d him, and will weepe My date of life out, for his sweete li[v]es losse.^

These are not new expressions.

winterwhite

If 'passed' is an American expression it's a boomerang. Think of the end of Pilgrim's Progress - 'and so he passed over and all the trumpets sounded for him on the other side'. I guess that's the origin of it.

'Sorry for your loss' sounds like a set piece, and unnatural and therefore insincere. Also, who cares whether anyone else is sorry or not, it's the bereaved person who matters.

Even earlier:

c1395 Chaucer's Squire's Tale: Myn harm I wol confessen er I pace.

1608 Shakespeare's King Lear Vex not his ghost, O let him passe.

1616 Shakespeare's Henry VI, Part 2 Disturbe him not, let him passe peaceably.

The term gained popularity during the Victorian interst in Spiritualism notably:

1850 Tennyson In Memoriam He past; a soul of nobler tone.

I think of it as our energy passing into the air. It has to go somewhere.

I can never understand the term "lost" either - I know several people who say they "lost" their loved ones.

I've told my family to say when the time comes that I've died. It says what it says and I'm satisfied with that, but each to their own

If 'passed' is an American expression it's a boomerang. Think of the end of Pilgrim's Progress - 'and so he passed over and all the trumpets sounded for him on the other side'. I guess that's the origin of it.

'Sorry for your loss' sounds like a set piece, and unnatural and therefore insincere. Also, who cares whether anyone else is sorry or not, it's the bereaved person who matters.

PS let’s not think death is always horrific - it can also be peaceful and beautiful and the old-fashioned notion of a “good death” is not all that far-fetched.

This has given me food for thought
Normally I call a spade a spade but when Paw died, the word “died” sounds much too “active” for what happened.
He simply slipped away , so quietly we - our DDs , SILs, his sisters and I around his bed would have known nothing if I hadn’t glanced through the window to the nurses’ station and seen that line with the heart symbol flattening out.
So “passed away” seems more appropriate, and for those who also object to “lost” , yes, I lost my life’s partner, a part of me and I feel that loss daily.
So let’s not decry euphemisms but let (particularly) the bereaved, use whatever terms they find acceptable.

I dont think of passed away as having any religious connotation - just passed away from life.

death is horrific enough as it is. Yes it is terribly painful when loved ones die, and the manner and time of death is not always as we would wish for someone, but the fact remains it is part of being human.
I think it’s possible that we protect ourselves by deceiving ourselves that it only happens to other people, and don’t like to acknowledge the reality of it, hence softening by euphemisms.
For me, as a humanist, knowing time is limited makes life all the sweeter.
I do appreciate the fear and protection and even kindness behind using euphemisms, but just doesn’t work for me. Those of faith in an afterlife where people do “pass” will think differently.

I suppose ‘passed’ could be over to Heaven or Hell, passed from this life to the next.

I always wanted to say ‘ I know exactly where he is’ when people said they were sorry I’d ‘lost’ the Bodach.
My Salvation Army friend used ‘ promoted to glory’.
When I worked in the hospice we would say someone was ‘away up’, when talking among ourselves, and we still use it in our family if we’re just talking about someone dying. Otherwise, it’s ‘died’ for me.

Am elderly lady died recently. She’d had dementia, miserable last few years for everyone. Whole family sincere Christians. Her husband-in his 90s-was at church the week after she died. I greeted him with “I’m so sorry for your loss”. With a lovely smile he replied “she’s not lost dear, we know EXACTLY where she is”. That is the sure and certain hope we Christians share. Very comforting.

Agree Nannee and AussieNan.

A bit like the phrase ‘laid to rest’.

Dad was cremated, but when Mum wrote about the day in her diary, that was the phrase she used.

Obviously more appropriate for a burial, but writing, ‘he was cremated’ looked a bit bleak I suppose.

I hope the service goes well TeacherAnne

I don't mind people saying whatever they want to in all honesty

Only the other day I was talking to a friend and the subject of my husband’s death, years ago now, came up. She kept talking about when I “lost” him. I so wanted to correct her, but I managed not to. If she preferred to use a euphemism, I thought it would be tactful to let her. I felt irritated, though.

It’s died or dead in this house.

Death is horrific enough as it is.

Why is a gentler expression meant, in general, as a kind, empathetic attempt to try and ease the pain of loss a tiny bit, not a good thing?

And why is it considered good form to be a smartarse saying "I've not lost him, I know exactly where he is"?

It just shows ignorance of varied but nevertheless correct linguistics and complete cluelessness in the use of context, as AussieNan says, not to mention rudely crushing obviously well meant condolences.

Passed away is common term here in Australia - I wouldnt call it a euphamism

Everyone knows what it means.

Perhaps would avoid it and say died instead if talking to a child or someone who had English as a second language and wasnt sure if they knew what the term meant.

But really just a general term - no confusion.

Same with loss in context of death - everyone ( at least all adults with rudimentary grasp of english) understands context and that words have different meanings in different contexts.

Thinking of you*teacheranne*. I hope all goes as you wish .

It’s my mums funeral tomorrow (well today as it’s now 2am) and when initially making plans, I had to tell the funeral director to use “ died” rather than “ passed away” and I could see he was a bit surprised at my bluntness.

It will be a humanist service, no hymns, no prayers and certainly no references to being a star in the sky looking down on us! The celebrant met with me and my siblings for a couple of hours to get Mums life history and even though we were very blunt, matter of fact and made it clear we wanted to celebrate Mums amazing personality, he ended his tribute in a rather flowery way! He sent us his draft so we rewrote parts of it and crossed out chunks to make it more fitting, luckily he was very happy with our changes and I think we will have more of a party than a sad gathering. Mum is dead, not passed away or in a happier place.

I do think though that possibly if someone was elderly, possibly unwell or in pain, then it is easier to use blunt terms than in sudden unexpected deaths of young people.