Managing household finances

I always dealt with the finances for both of us. After my DH died, I had to go to the bank for something and the staff member told me that lots of widows had no idea about the family finances and were quite lost after their DH died. That was not the case for me.

So right CrazyH
Even in a loving relationship - love is no excuse for ignorance. I’m a bit appalled and shocked by some comments.

It's surprising how many people don't jointly know what's what. But I've recently seen an older friend whose husband has recently died finding that she wasnt fully au fait with what was what and the way their joint will was set up many years ago has meant she is the owner of what was their house - but it's a very odd set-up and she's not free to do as she pleases re selling the house if it comes to it (as it seems to be some sort of trust and not fully 100% hers and that's that - as my own set-up is). Her sons can be trusted not to take advantage of it being that peculiar sort of trust thing and to treat her house as if it's fully hers/in the normal way - but I wouldnt be happy about it if she'd got untrustworthy sons.

I also landed up "piggy in the middle" years back with my parents - the set-up was, as my father put it "I earn it...she spends it". But there was a point years back where I had my mother complaining and complaining to me that "If something happens to your father I don't know what income I'll have - ie from the various sources". Cue for me cast in mediator role and going to my father and saying "I think that's reasonable that she does know what income there will be and what sources it's going to come from". A couple of nags later to him and he was telling me "I've told your mother how it is and what money is coming and from where - and she'll still be able to shop at Marks & Spencers" and she seemed quite satisfied with that.

DH mainly deals with the finances.He's better at tech and that sort of thing.That said we regularly go through everything together. I have the banking apps as well and pay the smaller bills window cleaner,gardening stuff .milkman etc.And am fully aware of all our policies when money is moved from savings etc . I have made it a priority to make sure if anything happened to DH I could do everything myself. Only sensible I think.

It's a BIG mistake to leave all finances to one partner. My sister's husband died suddenly from covid during the pandemic leaving her devastated and unable to cope with their finances. She didn't even know the password to his laptop (luckily one of their son's knew it) let alone the online banking and other accounts. Everything had to be handled by phone/email at that time.

We live in different parts of the country so I was only able to help her to sort out all the admin on facetime everyday. It took a while - direct debits kept failing because they were looking for her husband's name on the bank account not her name.
We did it together eventually but it all added to her distress and grief. I realize everything was compounded by the pandemic but many of the lessons we learned still apply today.

I handle all our finances but my husband knows exactly what's going on and how to access everything "if I got run over by a bus" as we like to say

When I was married, I dealt with all the finances - so I was fully aware of our situation . I know of at least one friend whose husband was squirrelling away money for 2 years before he left her for another woman.
So my divorce was plain sailing. The judge was very impressed with my detailed accounting 😂 - the divorce settlement reflected that.
So ladies, be very aware of your financial situation. Love is no excuse for ignorance. I too thought I was happily married. Sorry to be an alarmist !
Btw this was over 20 years ago

We share money, we share managing, but when something needs sorting out then we play it by ear as to who does. He tends to do the car and car insurance things though, but I can if needed.

I did all our banking because I knew from when we were first married that he was useless with money . If I left it to him a months money would only last a week .
Anyway he died after 35 years of marriage and I have managed ok as I was already in charge anyway .

We have a joint account and most bills are paid by direct debit.

I am the spender, and DH is the saver. We decide between us on Christmas presents, but we are heavily guided by our two girls, who let us know what the grandchildren would like for birthdays and Christmas.

When we lived in France, we ran a business, ostensibly by both of us but in reality I did most of it, and decided where and when to do the advertising. I did enjoy it though.

Same in our house, If i lefty it to my husband we'd be well and truly BROKE

I keep saying that I must learn about our household finances, but it’s always ‘I’ll do it tomorrow’. TBH I’m just not interested, which is really bad I know. Everything is in joint names but I’ll be honest I wouldn’t have a clue. I know there are various ISAs and savings accounts but who with/ where they are is a total unknown. DH worked in an office all his life and is so good at all this - as a primary teacher I could never get to or speak to a bank, even when there were local branches, so he did the finances throughout our married life. I’ve got the brain but not the inclination. I know one day I’ll regret it and I really should do something about it…….

Oh gosh. This is so worrying. If anything happened to my husband I wouldn't have a clue what to do.

My husband and I always had a joint bank account but he left it to me to sort out most of the everyday expenses
such as grocery shopping. Other things like the car, and anything related to it were his to decide on..Anything else was a joint decision .

I will probably be at it again tonight.😂

You are our vigilant Nightwatchwoman !

It was something to do in a sleepless night!

I didn’t realise this was an aged thread, it’s a nuisance when bots revive them,
well done Greenfinch

My gran was in charge of finances in the days when the working man came home with an unopened wage packet
on Friday, slapped it down on the chenille clothed table, say, “there you are love, there’s your wages.”
She had a looooong tin with slits, marked,
gas, coalman, insurance man, tally man, milkman,
had a proper old fashioned purse, knew exactly how
many shillings she had to last the week.

My mum used to say regularly, “if your father goes first I wouldn ‘t know where to start”
Bills would come in and dad would write a cheque, ask mum
to post it! or self importantly march down to the Gas /Electricity Board shop on the High Street (remember those?) and pay it there.
Mum had ‘housekeeping money’ with double at Christmas so Dad did not have to do anything extra.
He had a desk/bureau in which he presumably kept bills, receipts whatever and LOCKED it, mum never knew where the key was.
I don’t know if this was usual in their generation, born mid 1920’s housewives as mushrooms.
When she died my sister found 800£ stashed in a boot at the bottom of her wardrobe,
her running away fund I suppose, taken years to accrue.

Reported

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ps - from my ???
.PA - power of Attorney

Like you Charleygirl I was brought up to be financially aware.We lived with Mum's parents and Crandpa was a bank manager. Dad was also in a financial job,
But for some reason Mum hadn't a clue. So when Dad died he had made me ??? forgot the name - so I looked after her finances.
But it was another matter living in France. There were 2 tax returns to be made PA - one for uk in Jan. and one in May for France. Transfer sterling to euros for both.UK financial year is 1 Jan to 31 Dec. France 1 Avril to 31 Mars.
I used to dread both dates . Husband's french isn't good.
Since coming back here husband has taken over the UK
tax return Thank God ! Really.
I don't care so much now. except we still both live on the principle "If you can't afford it you learn to manage without"

I’m not dim just lazy. If Himself is happy to take the reins I’m more than happy to let him. If he predeceases me I dare say I shall manage. Anyway we might win the lottery in the meantime (if I buy a ticket).
?

M0nica

But havubg savings is not the same as knowing what bank accounts there are, how to manage utility bills, which account they are in, how to check bills and all the other minutae of running household business.

You’re right of course, I did run the household budget until 4yrs ago, now all the routine stuff is done and I don’t miss it, if I want anything extra I buy it.

But havubg savings is not the same as knowing what bank accounts there are, how to manage utility bills, which account they are in, how to check bills and all the other minutae of running household business.