Grandchildren’s lack of using cutlery

I was taught to sit properly at table, hold my knife & fork correctly, use a napkin to wipe my mouth & never ever wave cutlery about or gesticulate with it! Horror of horrors!
I encouraged my child similarly & she and I both despair at others’ table manners when we eat out.
I have a stack of damask napkins at home . We never eat anything at all without them. If I’m elsewhere to eat, I always ask for kitchen roll or a substitute napkin of some description. Can’t abide sticky fingers or lips!
I’m generally appalled by bad manners at table these days.

Blondiescot
I absolutely agree, I don’t think children should have to eat up every last morsel if they are full, on the other hand, they can’t be full one minute, and starving the next, and looking for snacks.
I also don’t think they should ever be expected to eat something they don’t like, problem with that is that it tends to vary day to day.

nanna8

Do you remember when they used to say if you didn’t eat your main meal you couldn’t have your dessert? Many seemed to do this with their children. I was just glad they ate anything, my girls were all pretty picky eaters.

I leave my crusts

Totally agree about not forcing a child to eat anything they don't want to, or to eat everything on their plate. A bit of gentle encouragement is fine, but turning mealtimes into a battle is just not worth it.

Do you remember when they used to say if you didn’t eat your main meal you couldn’t have your dessert? Many seemed to do this with their children. I was just glad they ate anything, my girls were all pretty picky eaters.

i think it is wrong to pressure a child, or anyone, to eat all that is on their plate.
makes it a kind of punitive event, rather than enjoyable social and nurturing. can lead to eating disorders.

Grandma70s, it's 'baby-led weaning' now, no cutlery or spoons, no feeding (baby feeds himself), no mashing - just chunks of food. The advantage is that it prevents overfeeding.

Does anyone remember the spoon and pusher sets for toddlers? I think I just remember using one. They seem to be obsolete now, but they were a gentle introduction to cutlery.

Armynanny, I don't see why it's important, especially at their ages. What is vital, I find, is a relaxed and happy time when eating.

I help in the lunch hall at school
And have not yet met a child who didn’t know how to use cutlery! They may have trouble cutting certain things when they’re younger but they know how to use a knife and fork.

I never ‘taught’ my daughter how to use cutlery - she just picked it up by copying us.

I don’t agree with making a child eat everything on their plate though - I’ve plated up for myself and got full part way through; as long as they eat til they’re full that’s fine but we do family-style meals so they can help themselves. We have very little food waste.

And curries are traditionally eaten using chapattis, so no cutlery required.

Was horrified the first time I went on a school residential and saw so many 10/11 year olds not able to use cutlery.
I don't ever remember being taught how to use it, we just copied our parents, all sat round the table together, the same with my DCs, we always had family meals so they just copied us.
Perhaps some children are just stuck in front of the tv with finger food.

I’d be aghast;our two grandchildren, ages 13 and 8, have eaten out and in company since they were babies and taught to use cutlery at an appropriate age. I suppose that’s just the manners my children were brought up with and have passed on, we all use fingers, when it’s finger food. Would I say anything? If they’ve got to this age and you haven’t already, then you’re probably not comfortable doing so, then no,

Ahem! BlueBelle I think if you read my post again you will see that I wrote “ fingers and forks ?

A seven year old and a five year should have been taught how to use cutlery at this age. What happens at school? This is another basic skill that is being left to teachers to sort out.

Well, my DS and DDiL think it important, they have been more relaxed than I was, but we have been able to take DGC out to proper restaurants to eat since before they were 5.

I am not sure it is such a new problem. I can remember, in the mid-1960s, walking out of a restaurant because a child, around five, on the next table was spreading food all over the place, eating with her hands and then putting them in the sugar bowl and I felt quite ill. I was in the Harrods Salad Bar at the time, as I worked nearby. I can also remember children running wild in decent restaurants back then as well.

Many children today are used to take-aways, but never eat out, not even in a McDonalds. In the past when parents had to cook and prepare all their meals, it was more efficient to sit round a table and eat the same food at the same time, with all the benefits that engenders. Now too often, everyone in the family, even children, get the ready meal they want out of the freezer when they want it and eat it wherever they please so that food is no longer a family meal but a bit like going to a garage to buy a fill of petrol for the car.

You eat curries with your fingers grandmardarby you must have a different curry to me ???

I didn’t have to drill it in at all ….when they were in high chairs they had spoon and shovel then a children’s knife and fork and then to normal size cutlery by primary school age 4/5 I don’t remember it ever being a problem
I agree that there are more food like pizzas and fast food stuff than can be eaten with fingers, I mean you wouldn’t eat a pizza with a knife and fork but surely they can mix and match and wouldn’t eat a stew or curry with fingers
I suppose if these children are eating finger food all the time it’s to be expected but surely they have roasts or spaghetti Bol macaroni cheese etc sometimes and know the difference

I will admit my 4 GC are not bad when it comes to table manners except for very wiggly 5 yr old GD that I constantly have to remind to stay seated on her chair. I think at home she is allowed to get up and return, but not at mine. She is also the one most likely to knock over her milk. Of course this past y18 months we have not had any family dinners, but we have just recently started having the little ones for the odd visit including a dinner while their parents go out.

I will only correct them if they are at my house, and we rarely eat out at restaurants together. I purchased some smaller cutlery so they can manage, and encourage them to help set the table.

I think manners do count, but allowances need to be made according to the age of the children.

I can't bear it. My elderst GC, aged 12 was tucking into her Sunday lunch last week only using a fork! I brought my kids up with good table manners, but I've also noticed them only using a fork with certain foods. I can't bear it!

It was drilled into me along with manners and I, in turn, drilled it into mine. The eldest two boys could be very rumbustious but I used to glow when people complimented me on their beautiful manners.

It’s important to me and my sons obviously feel the same as their children have good manners.

Teaching children to use a knife & Fork from early age is not that hard, both my AC taught my grandchildren to do this, and it’s not a big deal when they use their fingers to eat finger foods, but at least they can do both, table manners are very important to us,

I'm afraid it might be another of those things that parents expect teachers to teach their children. When I was teaching, it seemed that we were expected to teach them to tie their shoelaces (thnak gooodness for velcro!).

From stories that I've heard, there seem to be some parents who have children but expect somebody else to do all the work with them.

I can't now remember when my GC stopped using their hands instead of cutlery. What I do know is that they are now teenagers who know exactly what to do. So don't get too steamed up about young children who don't use cutlery. In due course they will become civilised.

I still can't bear to see a milk bottle on the table Grandmarderby how things stick with us ?
I agree a lot of food now doesn't require the use of cutlery but children do need to know how to use it. I wouldn't make a big issue out of this if its not important to the parents but I would encourage it at your house Armynanny

With one set of GC that we looked after regularly I put a jar with a small amount of smarties in it in the middle of the table and told them I would take out one smartie for every time one of them touched their food with their fingers, and they could share what was left after the meal. That worked beautifully! ? One set were taught by their parents at a very young age. One set are hopeless, picking up pieces of roast chicken with the gravy running down their fingers, but as we never see them without their parents, and they don't seem bothered about their teenagers eating this way, nothing we can say. The last set are too young to worry about.

Well BluBelle there you go “they usually just copy their parents” …think curries, spaghetti Bolognese, pizzas dips, wraps, all fingers and forks.