Calls from your adult children

I call my Mum every day. We live thousands of miles away from each other, and I miss her terribly.

I'm disabled and live alone. I have two sons, the elder, I 'might' get a WhatsApp message once a month if I'm lucky. The younger one calls me at least 4 times a week, he lives in a shared house (recently moved for his job and looking for somewhere better) but doesn't really get on with the other residents, most of whom are only a few years younger than him but he consists them immature. I get regular run-downs on the goings on in the house, bitching about his work colleagues, etc, this is his 'not so discreet' way of checking that I'm ok, he doesn't like to come across as overbearing so we chat about everything and nothing with the odd snippet dropped in about how I'm feeling.

The oldest who lives farthest away rings about once every 10 days - and we have a Whatsapp that is red hot with all of them every day - and lots of lovely photos arrive that way too.

They are all busy people so I don't feel deprived in any way.

My DD rings once a week (more if there are problems!) She has a stressful job and works long hours so that is fine by me. When she was furloughed it was, I admit, every day. We text regularly. DS1 phones without fail once a week. DS2 who lives in the next road phones when there is a problem or he has some news! He does come over for a meal once a week though!!

Just discussed this with DH and we both agreed our parents would NOT be happy if we were contacting them once a day, never mind 2-3 times! DH rings his mother at least once a week, as she is on her own, me and my parents get in touch a couple of times a month. We are all pretty independent in my family and have never had really frequent contact with each other. I touch base with my sister at least once a week via Facebook as she lives near our parents, I'm 350 miles away in the south. Basically so long as everyone is happy there is no right or wrong frequency to get in touch.

Kittylester you said
I think that it is wrong to assume that our children don't have full and busy lives if they call us often. We also have full and busy lives - we just happen to like each other.

What I understood from that was if parents and AC were not in contact all the time it must be because they do not like each other.

It may not be what you meant, and later posts would indicate that.

I can't remember the last time my son phoned me. My daughter does maybe once a week. We have a family WhatsApp group, again my son doesn't always post on it. They all work. When I said to my daughter that my son rarely phones she said "it works both ways".

Saetana the end of your post is quite right.
“ Basically so long as everyone is happy there is no right or wrong frequency to get in touch.”
I sympathise with those whose adult children don’t call as often as they’d like, but I love the fact that my AC contact us regularly, despite their busy lives.

One of my daughters contacts me at least once a day since my DH passed away onb1st Feb. Before that it was at least once a week. The other two are a lot less and always have been. Then they have the cheek to complain because I don't call them. I now call all 3 on the 1st of the month so they can then choose to call me in-between or not. They do see my posts on FB so they know a) what I up to and b) if I'm still alive.

What an interesting thread this is, I'm glad to see we aren't the only ones who dont speak to AC daily. DD phones once a week or more if stressed, DS twice a month if that. However we do try and What's app them regularly even if it's just sending a funny. Our gc are only young and definitely dont want to talk on phone. However most of our friends have frequent daily chats with AC and we wondered where we'd gone wrong.

Maybe every 2 weeks. She has 2 girls under 8. The girls are with me this week, giving my single mom daughter a break. I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND why she can’t manage a call to me more often. Holy cow! I had only 1 child. That’s all I wanted and knew I could manage. I was right.

GrannySomerset

If my daughter rang me every day I would know that something was very wrong. We have a chat at least once a week with emails where useful. This feels about right for us.

this, exactly. To be called twice or thrice a day is way over the top and really not normal.

One person's normal is another's WTF.

Very seldom phone call from my Son but he is there whenI need him at the drop of a hat. Not many phone calls from my Daughter but frequent text messages they are both there for me as I am there for them.

My daughter rings few times per day. My son if there is something to discuss. But I hear from them regularly so that's fine with me

My DD rings me once a week. I'm disabled. My 18 yr old granddaughter rings most days ( usually asking for money)

Kissngate why would you have gone wrong. Reading this thread, it’s clear that people are happy with different amounts of calls. Some would like more and some consider others have too many calls. If you’re happy with the calls you get, don’t worry.

Kittylester now it is you who are implying that people that do not have daily contact with the offspring don't like each other. Each and every family to their own, but personally I think that more than once a day is well OTT

We all live more than 200 miles apart at least so see little of each other. We speak to each other as and when, no regular times. I'm not a chatterer at the best of times, and can't be doing with constant phone calls to talk about nothing. Usually we phone when there is something to say. But none of us live alone, which might alter things.

Since COVID we've been in touch far more, and it's been a joy to see AC in touch more with their siblings and families, not just with me.

I think that you are being rather unfair to Kitty there win
If my children feel that they want to speak to me, then that is what I am here there for
I don't ring my children through the week, because they are frequently in work meetings
I am available, however, whenever they want to talk to me
We speak frequently.
If you feel that is OTT well I wish I could find a shrugly emoj

Sorry, shrug, what is shrugly?

Daughter or I ring every few weeks, sometimes text in the week. Usually about gardening.. I FaceTime my son every weekend otherwise I’d hardly see or hear from my grandchildren.

One DD is living with me until her new house is ready. It bothers her if I’m not up before she leaves for work. She then phones me mid-morning “Just to make sure that you are alive!” ?
DD in Australia sometimes comes on twice in a day, because my 4 year old GD wants to chat, or show/tell me something.
Youngest Aussie DS has a special group for the baby, so we often have a group chat with them and the in-laws. The oldest one over there isn’t good at keeping in touch, but will remark on any Facebook posts we make.
English DS sees me most days, because we are helping with DD’s house renovation.
I’m quite happy if I only hear from any of them once a week, in normal times. I feel sad for anyone whose family rarely keep in touch, but time flies by so quickly when you have a family and also go to work.

My heart sinks when No.2 son calls as I automatically assume there is something wrong. He does send Whatsapps usually photos of where he is or him with VIPs usually from the sporting world. I never have a clue who they are and say so.
No.1 son can facetime more than once a day at times which can be too much but he is a proud dad so often it is to show me what the grandchildren are up to and I never tire of those calls.

I speak to daughter most days, must admit we’re basically best friends so there’s always something to gossip about!

Eldest son see couple times a week with his family.

My youngest son once or twice a week as he’s just joined armed forces!

As kittylester said we all get on well so like to WhatsApp etc too. I am very lucky with my kids we’re not in each other’s pockets and don’t get upset if we don’t hear from each other.