Are you a confident person

As a child I was very shy, but my confidence grew when I started working. I got married and my ex turned out to be very controlling and put me down a lot saying I was stupid, fat (size 8/10) and ugly. My confidence disappeared, I hated people even looking at me. I plucked up the courage to finally leave him and I'm getting better about myself as time goes on.

So interesting to read that people have become more confident with age. I had two successful careers, I was very good at my job, I am sure I was liked and respected by my colleagues and many became good friends. I was very confident and sure of myself. Since I retired this has disappeared, I would like to volunteer, do craft or pilates, keep fit classes etc but scared to death of walking in somewhere, the last year has made me much worse I have little self worth and I rarely go out. My daughter had a baby last year and returned to work last week I have my granddaughter two half days a week and tomorrow my daughter has arranged for me to take my granddaughter to a baby group, its ridiculous but I am so nervous. Life is too short and I really need to change this.

90% of the time I am very confident (I am an only child & I think that makes you secure in your own mind & body) but there are times when I feel unable to take a stand or show my real feelings.
I can't say it bothers me much to be honest - I think we all have our limits.

No, like tinafl I pretend to have. I’m often complemented on my looks so I pretend to be the person that I’m perceived to be. This helps a lot and I can pass myself in social situations but when one day I get to the point that I’m on my I’d love to be a complete recluse. I’d happily go for weeks, months, years without having to talk to anyone.

I’m seen as confident in work, however I may feel. As a child, definitely not and attending functions to do with DH’s job was difficult. I used to practise on my sisters.
I find it hard to go to new places where everyone seems to know each other, especially if they aren’t welcoming. Church and WI when we moved were a challenge for that reason.

Better than I was but I’ll never be the life and soul of the party or Mrs Popularity.

My confidence varies according to the situation.

My levels of confidence have fluctuated over the years. I was a very shy, quiet child. In my teens I became feisty and outspoken, stood up for myself and championed the underdog. After I had my children my protective instincts kicked in and my confidence grew.... until I had to return to work when I again felt shy and a bit useless, especially at interviews. I too have always hated parties or any social events. I don't make friends easily or pursue friendships with people, I'm quite happy with my own company. Now at 70 age and experience has given me the confidence to say what I think and do (or not do) whatever I want. I still don't like social situations but I'm not afraid to turn them down now. My husband knows the chinks in my armour, but my children and grandchildren see me as someone who can handle any situation confidently, so I must be due for an Oscar soon!

I went to boarding school at nine years old, which I think gave me confidence. My mother used to say that shy people made her feel uncomfortable, so we were never allowed to be shy! I’ve always loathed parties, even as a child. My sister and I have tried to remember why, but we can’t. We can just remember being made to go to birthday parties and couldn’t wait for them to end. I don’t think we were particularly odd children!

I am confident person.....I believe in myself and trust myself ....and realize now that it had much to do with my childhood..... how I was brought up and how my parents fostered confidence in me as a child (and that was in the forties and the fifties!). They taught me to believe in myself and it’s been a wonderful gift that I’ve carried through my life.

Hi - you sound just like me, and am still the same, don't manage large groups of people. And yes I am mostly confident in my eighties and have been for a long time. If I can't handle something I admit it. I'm comfortable with myself and no longer think of myself as a retiring wall flower. I can still go to pieces in a crisis, but more daughter is very good at getting me back. It's OK to be you.

I'm reasonably confident, much better than I used to be and can now cope with social gatherings and parties but when I was younger - a resounding no. Dad was an awful bully and any self-confidence we may have had was knocked out of us - not physically. He liked to be top dog and took cruel pleasure in belittling his family. It has taken decades to get out from under, as it were.

Yes ?
It’s a combination of factors isn’t it ( confidence) but mainly I would say down to your personality.
I’m a social type too, and love parties and meet ups not that there has been a great deal of that for quite a while.
I think the best thing is to not worry about having / not having confidence and just understand yourself and what makes you tick.Also remember that you can still enjoy friendship groups even if a bit nervous or quiet and will be valued by others for your input.

I have bouts of crippling depression and this can knock my confidence sideways. A shy child, more confident teenager but married a wife beater who striped me of all my confidence. I have bouts of being extremely confident in my life - usually when I am not in a relationship or married. Men get on my wick and I hate being around them 24/7. I’m married to my 3rd husband now and I want to be single again as my confidence has gone out of the window. Also the pandemic has exacerbated my depression and had me housebound with my husband. I know I am a complex person.

People would tend to say that I am outgoing, confident and self assured but we all know that we have a 'social face' and the other one that sits quietly at home and would prefer not to be with other people.
Why can't we be both? Surely we need a break sometimes from 'making an effort' and other times the effort pays off and we have a nice time and meet someone interesting that we'd like to know better.
I like swaying between the two - confident and sociable, quiet and introspective. I am hoping it makes me 'well rounded'!

I have very little self-confidence and (as I am aware of it - sweaty palms etc) I tend to sometimes over compensate. If I find myself in crowded situations (meetings, for example), I am either silent or too talkative. I can't seem to find a happy medium. I swear strangers in crowded situations view me as either too much or simply dull.
I'm okay one on one. People always talk to me when I'm out and about, to the degree that my Dd rolls her eyes if she's with me - I must have one of 'those' faces but it fills me with discomfort when it happens because I always wonder why on earth they're choosing to talk to me.

As a child and young woman I was far from confident, but sometimes I could get away with ‘acting’ as if I was. My second marriage changed all that and the security it brought me gave me real confidence.

Nowadays I would say that professionally I’m very confident, especially when I’m acting on someone else’s behalf. I can give a sermon, speak at a conference and deliver a presentation or training with only slight nerves, but I’m less confident in some social situations.

My husband (and other friends agree) says I miss out on the ‘beginning’ of a relationship and go immediately to ‘friendship’, which can be disconcerting to some people, especially if they’re quite reserved. I sort of know what he means and so I try to take this into account in social situations with new people, but it means that I feel a bit unnatural and stilted and then I lose confidence.

Purple pixie for you?

You can be confident and still be an introvert. It just means you prefer small groups and quieter environments. You don't crave social stimulation. I'm an introvert but most people see me as confident.

I was never confident as a child as much of my life was blighted by a stammer. Oddly, I trained to be a teacher and found that I never stammered in front of a class and was very confident.

As an adult I still stammered in tricky situations and when under pressure, and could never manage to say my name and address. Late DH always said that my 'hesitation' (as he used to call it) was rather endearing! I hated using the phone and would do anything avoid it. But I have noticed that recently I have had no trouble at all. It has taken me this long to grow out of it!

Since DH died I have been confident enough to embark on new activities, have made new friends and go on holiday (a river cruise and ocean cruise) on my own and walk into a roomful of unknown people and not worry.

Until I became a mother I was your ' typical shrinking violet'.
Then a mum with fast growing children,the responsibilities this brings, change of younger days career from behind the desk to 'front desk' I grew SIX feet tall .Although those years have long gone I still think six feet tall

No. What people said about standing up for others is true. I had no confidence at all when I was younger, but if anyone upset my children I turned into a tiger. I would tackle anyone on their behalf.

I am a little bit more confident now that I am old.

As a child I had a mother who didn’t help with confidence and I was extremely shy. When I left home at 18 I made a determined effort not to be and in the end it worked. I am confident at public speaking these days, mainly because I have done a lot of it. I would say I was average in confidence. I find it easy to talk to people and don’t mind parties and big groups. If you listen to people they tend to chat to you and seek you out, perhaps most people want to talk rather than listen .

Most would call me confident and I guess I am. Being an only child I learned very quickly to have company I had to go out there and make friends. In my working life I was a manager of numerous staff chairing meetings etc. I can stand up for myself and others and cannot tolerate bullies. I hate parties and big groups as I’m the one looked upon to get and keep things going. If I take a step back I’m asked what is wrong with me. Luckily, post retirement, this rarely happens now! My confidence has waned with regard to driving and that does bother me.

It's such a relief to know I'm not the only one with no confidence.It makes life so difficult and it's so lonely to have no confidence or self esteem.I wish I could overcome it or find a way to cope.Its also very depressing.It would be really good to maybe hear from others how they manage.I also have social anxiety which doesn't help my confidence.When I was young I had so many things I wanted to do but I never did?All because of low self esteem and confidence around other people.