Are we really only as happy as our saddest child?

I have had problems with DD and DS that affected me and still do. DD is married, happily it seems, but DgS has behaviour problems which we all worry about, although DH doesn't get as upset as I do. DS was made redundant and lives with us, but his state of mind worries me. Dh on the other hand sees the problem of DS finding a job more important than his mental health. I do think that mothers/ grandmothers are often more affected by childrens' problems, as the OP says. Finding time for yourself, just going out for a brisk walk, can help calm and clear the mind. Best wishes to all those dealing with family problems.

Just because we are unhappy about our C doesn’t mean we are miserable all the time and suicidal.
In my case I cannot find much joy in life a lot of the time and I constantly long for a better life for my S.
It hurts most when other people, knowing the situation, harp on constantly about their own very successful children and grandchildren.
I have cut one person out of my life recently for doing this over and over, not just casually in conversation but actually ringing up to tell me something specific.
She had to go.

How sad for all those going through their children’s pain.?

Parenting doesn’t stop when your children have grown up, their problems become your problems, I think especially with mothers and it carries on with grandchildren too. But as others have said, you need to look after yourself too for everybody’s sake, hope your therapist and medication help. Take care.

I agree with fevertree you really need to detach yourself a little from your son's problems for the sake of your own health Nanamar. Easier said than done I know but make time for yourself without others even for a short time, keep in touch with friends to talk about things other than your family. I hope the therapy helps too, good luck.

Morethan2 what a hard time you are having I really feel for you, I hope peace and happiness comes to your family soon as well.

my Sister said this to me recently because she was worried about my children's unhappiness and it’s affect on me. She really made me laugh.
My son has struggled with coping with recent bereavement of his young wife
My daughter miscarried twins
My army son is struggling with an injury that’s put an end to his career and his marriage is in big trouble and his wife told him to leave the family home.
My sister thought I might “jump off Beachy head”
Of course it’s been horrible and watching all this unhappiness unfold has made me weep buckets but I’ve been determined not to go too far down that “Oh why us”road. Partly because my adult children are sad but are healthy and I’m hoping that some sort of peace and happiness awaits them in the future.
If not for ourselves but for our children’s sake we have to find some small way of protecting ourselves.

Oh Nanamar. It’s no wonder you’re feeling down. I can still remember when my son split up from his first girlfriend and I thought my heart would break for him. For you to have such ongoing sadness must be awful. Have you spoken to your doctor? You can’t be strong for other people unless you look after yourself too. x

I can relate 100% with that saying.
One of my AC has been a problem to himself and to me since being a young child.We now realise he is on the autistic scale, not recognised when he went to school 46 years ago.
Everything stems from that time.
Now he has a young child of his own with the same characteristics.
He gets special care at school, regular appointments with the Children’s department dealing with these issues.
My S has lurched from crisis to crisis, depression, anxiety, you name it ,he has been there and I have been there with him.

Dear Nanamar I am sorry that you have to deal with this sad and difficult situation.

What stands out to me from your post is that your DIL uses you as a 'sounding board'. I was in a similar situation with my DIL when she and my son hit a rough patch a while ago and whilst I did support her, I also gently pointed out to her that she is an adult in her 40s who chose to marry this person, and that I can't live her life for her. I feel that is the crux of your post, that you need to detach with love from their troubles so that you can live your life, including the happy times with your grandchild.

Best wishes and for you, I hope your therapy sessions helps you too.