Never thought this sort of thing would bother me - but grandchild prefers other Nan to me.

my GD once said something when she was younger about me just being her dad's mum,and her Nana being her mum's mum,she must have overheard it being said.But I didn't let it bother me,I'm sure she loves me for who I am.I must admit that I do feel a bit inferior,as Nana looks good for her age,and is better at everything than I am,and a lot more outgoing,but that's just me,I'm sure my GD doesn't think like that.

Nothing you can really do, as she gets older no doubt she’ll be politer. Even adults don’t bond with everyone, some you warm to more. Suppose I’m lucky my Grandchildren all want my attention, in different ways I’ve formed close bonds with them all. I do get down to their level and play games, read etc

I hasten to add, all my GC 'other grans' have never done anything to make them cry at going to visit, nor anything nasty or anything to turn against them for (only my own youngests childs nan just tries to please him too hard really) but still they like who they like..

Children can be so childish! Unless she is actually nasty to you just pay it no attention. You and she have more interesting things to do.

I feel for you Kadinsky but i would take it with a pinch of salt sometimes the closer you live geographically makes you favourite or like others have said often if you are maternal gm you are 'closer'.
I think my eldest gc would have me as his fave but as i get him ready for school and pick him up ny constant nagging is knocking me off my perch his brother - different father - i have the favourite position with him as his other poor GM is in a home and has rarely seen him. I do often think that is very sad but its not my fault that her son decided to father a child late in life.
My son's daughters - i'm way down the list i don't think i even figure. One has a very tight knit - suffocating - close family the GM died of a drug overdose so is now a saint and im well below a couple of great nannas who feed her any old junk and let her stay up doing god knows what on Tik Tok! The other one isnt allowed to like me. Her mother GM and GGM try there damndest to stop her being near me. Anyway i just try and treat them all the same. I try to take them out places to open their minds i read them stories and help them with school work. maybe one day, when they are adults with their own GC's they might remember some of the things we did and do them with their own GCs - that's what i try to do. Or maybe they will just think i was always an old witch! We can only try.but i do feel very lucky to have time with them whether they particularly want it or not.

inishowen, maybe he should stop asking at least for a bit- it drives them away!

You might have something there Grandtante- my own youngest child, now 17, his nanna&grandad, are well, always trying a bit too much, to win his affection, and my son, well yes is more like a cat, he only bothers when HE wants to, and is more aloof, than affectionate, and out of the two of them, prefers grandad more, as he doesn't 'crowd' him, but his nanna, well she used to insist on trying to hug him, or get him to give hugs&kisses, but he's not that type of boy, (so she doesn't do it as much now he's older!) But it makes him shy away, rather than like her more- he's not visiting them this xmas, due to covid, and he has underlying health issues, (and they live over 70 miles away) but the relief is so apparent in him and i do feel sorry for her sometimes.But my own GC also are not seeing me and they feel it keenly, as do i.

Children are so contrary. My husband is desperate for hugs from our three year old grandson and asks him constantly for a hug. Our grandson refuses to hug him and says only granny gets a hug! I never ask!

I am all my GC's fave nanna/grandma, wether im their mums mum or their dads mum.(ive had 4sons, 3 daughters, so 9 GC.) I think its my personality really, we seem to 'click' more, and i do fun stuff, or ask what they have preferences for, and take on holidays, etc (pre-covid) i think their other grans are more 'formal'maybe,?i dunno its hard to explain, but i understand it from their point of view. Its always been same, my eldest DD children, when little,and now grown up, are same too. My eldest GD when she was young actually cried when she realised she was going to 'wrong' grans to stay a few days! (Shes 21 now) i swear ive not done anything to 'make' them like/love me more, its just how it is- I'm more easy-going maybe.? I suppose your GC's 'other gran' hasnt done anything either to make herself favourite, so please don't blame her. Maybe you could try being a bit more 'laid back' with them, rather than 'old-school', im not an old gran/nan at 57, with a youngish outlook, so maybe an age thing? ??

I feel for you Kandinsky. Remember little children have no tact. They are learning that skill. We, their elders have to remember they don’t always mean what they say. Don’t appear ruffled or upset with her. Just say that she will see her other Granny soon but today is her turn with you. The less you make of it, the sooner she will move on. Sending you a virtual hug as I know these things can really hurt.

I remember one time I went to pick my grandson up to fetch him to my house, he must have been about 3 years old. Well I put him in his car seat and he started to cry saying he didn't want to come, I just thought he would be alright in a couple of minutes. Well I was driving out of his street and he broke his heart in the back of the car, sobbing his little heart out, saying I want my daddy. I thought I'll have to take him back home. I said do you want to go home he said yes. I said are you a daddy's boy and he said yes he was, it was sad and funny at the same time. That was 15 years ago, I can't believe he's 18 this year. He was a lovely little boy and still is

I know this is hurtful and I am not trying to make it worse, but perhaps you are trying too hard?

Children are sometimes like cats - they prefer the person who doesn't make too much fuss.

Don't try so hard to make her happy.

Please don¨t worry, it is most likely a phase. Continue to do nice things with her, and let it go in at the one ear and out of the other when she says she prefers her other nan.

I think it is important not to comment on that, although I am sure you must feel tempted sometimes.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Little minx !! She knows exactly how to push your buttons !
My GD is only 2 yet already manipulative - as others have said, I have an inward chuckle and ignore it.
Your GD is so very, very lucky to be surrounded by so much love . Be happy.

My granddaughter has a ‘blended’ family due to several separations/divorces with everyone remaining civil and involved. When she was about 5 she told me how lucky she was to have 2 dad’s, 5 grandads, 4 nans, lots of aunties, uncles and cousins and then proudly announced ‘and I love them all and they love me’. Now she’s nearly 14 and being a typical teenager I often remind her of that statement

I remember my GD now 4, saying when she 2, that she didn't like 'Nanny'. I am called Grandma and at the time I was quite pleased but I made an effort to talk about all the lovely things she had done with her Nanny and she never mentioned it again.

Try and ignore it - it’s not meant to hurt you and the more you push children at that age the more I find they back off. Things will change with time x

My 3yr old grandson definitely prefers his other grandad he often says as much, but when he's at our house he warms to his grampy very quickly then when he's at home he says he doesn't like him again, I've never said to hubby as he would be so upset, the other nanny often asks my daughter, especially if grandson doesn't want to stay, if he does the same to me, she usually makes things up just so she doesn't take it personally. I don't mind who he likes dislikes, prefers or not he still my gorgeous grandson

From being 3/4 my DGD (now 6) used to tell me ‘Nannan, I love you more than mummy but don’t tell mummy’
And you can guess what she would say to mummy ...... ?
She still says it now but with a twinkle in her eye
I am in a very lucky position that out of eight grandparents I am the one who always gets the first cuddle and the shouts of ‘Nannan!! ’ when they see me when we are all together at (pre covid) family gatherings. But then I am the only one, despite aching arthritic joints, that gets down on the floor for a bit of rough and tumble.
However if one of the other grandparents pulls out a treat they suddenly become favourite. As has been said, children are cleverer than we give them credit for and I love the ‘no filter’ things they come out with

Well one of my GC asked me why I couldn’t be a bit English!! (Am French)
I think that their granny will always be French and can sometimes speak funny!
Reading with them is always very interesting!
And whilst we live in France now, I am lucky to speak to them most days and to be involved in their everyday life.
One set of GC have only me as a granny so have done a lot of looking after in the early days and the other GC’s grandma is a long way from him too although in England. But grandma is lovely and is definitely a better baker than me!

It should not be a competition between the two families. We sometimes just fit better with some people than with others.
If you try to understand what makes your grand daughter tick you might be able to reach her and build a good relationship with her.
Don't try to 'buy' her with big presents...it is never a good approach.

Yes - this does cause a feeling of 'heartsink', and I am quite familiar with it! However, I love my GC, I'm pretty sure they love me, and we do a great deal for them and with them. I try not to dwell on it because as others have said, children do play the sides against the middle, and unconciously at times.

I think this is likely to be just a playing one off against the other situation - I wonder if the comments about going to other Nana come when you've said it's bedtime, or asked her to stop doing something risky! Kids are little tinkers!

You’re not being silly. It’s a hurtful comment and you could always say to her that it makes you sad to hear that. Just a little comment...and see what her response is...and then let it pass. If she’s ok when she’s with you and you do nice things together (you could ask what she’d like to do...within reason) , you can take heart that you’re doing everything right...and leave it at that. My children each preferred being with different grandparents ...they have different personalities and I could see why...and my grandchildren will feel the same I think...it may just be a natural preference, just because we’re all family, doesn’t mean to say, we feel the same about everyone in it.

Got caught out with the wrong button there last word should be daughter